Anger, an emotion familiar to us, often surfaces in our lives. It manifests in various forms and is dealt with in different ways. Some explode into temper tantrums when their desires are thwarted, while others respond angrily in the face of danger. Then, there’s the insidious anger known as resentment, which slowly consumes us. In this exploration, we delve into anger, its perils, and strategies to manage it, drawing insights from the Stoic and Buddhist perspectives on dealing with anger.
The Nature of Anger
Anger, despite its natural occurrence, cannot be underestimated. Uncontrolled and unrestrained, anger can have devastating consequences, even leading to acts of violence, including murder.
History is replete with instances where deeply entrenched anger, often labeled as hatred, fueled mass violence, wars, and even genocides. Yet, many justify anger, especially when they believe it to be ‘righteous anger,’ stemming from legitimate grievances or perceived injustices.
Some view anger as a functional emotion, a tool for asserting themselves and self-defense. Aristotle once declared anger as a desire to repay suffering, highlighting its complex nature.
However, the Stoic philosopher Seneca takes a critical stance on the validity of these arguments. He goes as far as to describe anger as a form of madness. Seneca points out that anger lacks self-control, decorum, and rationality.
It becomes obsessive, obliterating reason and heedless of the consequences. It can flare up over trivial matters and lead to destructive actions. This volatile emotion, Seneca argues, is akin to a falling rock that shatters not only its target but also itself.
Challenging ‘Righteous Anger’
A thought-provoking Buddhist story challenges the notion of ‘righteous anger.’ It tells of a young boy with a volatile temper. Rather than confront anger with anger, his wise father handed him a bag of nails and a hammer. The father instructed the boy to drive a nail into the fence whenever he lost his temper.
Initially, the boy impulsively hammered about thirty nails daily. However, as days passed, the number of nails driven into the fence dwindled until there came a day when his temper remained untriggered. Proudly, the boy reported this to his father.
In response, the father told him to remove one nail from the fence each time he managed to control his anger. Eventually, all the nails were extracted. The father then directed his son’s attention to the fence, riddled with holes from the nails. He imparted a valuable lesson: anger, when released, leaves scars. Just as one can stab another and retract the knife, leaving a lasting scar, anger’s outward eruption may be suppressed, but its internal scars remain.
The Pitfalls of Justified Anger
Even when our anger seems justified, often rooted in feelings of being wronged or violated, yielding to this emotion can perpetuate harm, particularly to ourselves. The Dalai Lama succinctly states, “When reason ends, anger begins.” In such moments, it is crucial to ask ourselves whether we are acting from a position of power or powerlessness.
Resorting to anger as a response, the Dalai Lama argues, typically suggests a lack of sound reasoning to support our actions. Violence or aggression often stems from a desire for control when reason cannot prevail.
The Stoic Perspective: Tranquility Over Anger
The Stoic philosophy champions tranquility over anger. Seneca emphasizes that anger’s unruly nature is fundamentally at odds with humanity’s capacity for reason. He underscores the critical distinction between employing force and using force with anger. While some situations may necessitate force, Seneca insists that anger is a detrimental accompaniment to it. He likens anger to drunkenness, asserting that, like inebriation, anger robs individuals of self-control during conflicts. Consequently, rash decisions fueled by anger often lead to defeat by more composed adversaries.
Nipping Anger in the Bud
One key to managing anger is identifying it during its early stages and applying remedies while it remains manageable. Seneca encourages this proactive approach, asserting that it is easier to detect the initial symptoms of anger before the emotion spirals into a full-blown eruption. Often considered a product of reason, patience becomes paramount in this process.
Embracing Impermanence
Both Stoicism and Buddhism advocate practices that help mitigate anger. One shared concept is patience, rooted in the Buddhist doctrine of impermanence. Understanding that everything is in a constant state of flux can alleviate anger. As circumstances change and the significance of events fades, anger naturally subsides. The practice of counting to ten (or perhaps a hundred, in some cases) allows space for this natural attenuation.
Acknowledging Anger
Acknowledging anger is another crucial step. This involves accepting the presence of anger within us without necessarily acting on it. Denying our anger, pretending it doesn’t exist, or striving to maintain a façade of perpetual calmness can lead to repression, burying these emotions deep within the unconscious.
The Healing Power of Forgiveness
Long-term anger, such as resentment, can be effectively addressed through forgiveness. The Stoic principle of recognizing what is within our control aligns with this practice. We may not control the actions, words, or feelings of those who wronged us, but we can control our response. Forgiveness grants us the liberation to release long-held grudges and heal.
In conclusion, anger, a natural human emotion, requires careful management. Both Stoic and Buddhist philosophies emphasize the importance of reason and self-control in dealing with anger. By recognizing the early signs of anger, practicing patience, embracing impermanence, acknowledging our emotions, and extending forgiveness, we can harness the power of reason to guide our responses and, in turn, experience tranquility over anger.