If your happiness is dependent on accomplishing certain goals, what happens if fate intervenes? What if you’re snubbed? If outside events interrupt? What if you do achieve everything but find that nobody is impressed? That’s the problem with letting your happiness be determined by things you can’t control. It’s an insane risk.
“Those obsessed with glory attach their well-being to the regard of others, those who love pleasure tie it to feelings, but the one with true understanding seeks it only in their own actions. . . . Think on the character of the people one wishes to please, the possessions one means to gain, and the tactics one employs to such ends. How quickly time erases such things, and how many will yet be wiped away.”
—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 6:51, 59
The Perils of External Validation
In today’s hyper-connected world, external validation often dictates our self-worth and happiness. Many individuals find themselves ensnared in a web of societal expectations, where their sense of identity hinges on public opinion. Social media platforms exacerbate this phenomenon, creating a culture that celebrates likes, shares, and follower counts as indicators of personal value. The allure of external validation can be intoxicating, drawing us into a cycle of comparison that diminishes our self-esteem and distorts our understanding of success.
For example, consider a social media influencer whose happiness relies heavily on the number of likes their posts receive. Each notification brings a momentary rush of joy, but with it comes an underlying anxiety. What happens when a post flops? When engagement dwindles, the influencer may grapple with inadequacy and self-doubt. This scenario is all too common, illustrating how needing approval can lead to emotional volatility and dissatisfaction.
Furthermore, external validation can stifle creativity and self-expression. In striving to please others, individuals may suppress their true selves, conforming to norms that do not resonate with their authentic identities. This suppression breeds frustration and resentment, as seeking approval can overshadow the joy of creative exploration. For instance, an artist might alter their style to cater to market trends, sacrificing their unique voice in the process. Such compromises can lead to burnout and a deep sense of unfulfillment as the original passion becomes diluted in the quest for validation.
Ultimately, the obsession with external validation can distort our sense of purpose. Instead of defining success on our own terms, we become prisoners to societal expectations, measuring our worth against fleeting standards. This dependence undermines our confidence and inhibits personal growth, as we may hesitate to take risks or pursue paths that diverge from the norm. Recognizing the perils of external validation is the first step toward reclaiming our autonomy and redefining our understanding of well-being.
The Joy of Personal Fulfillment
Personal fulfillment is a transformative experience that arises when we engage in activities that resonate deeply with our core values and passions. Unlike external validation, which is often fleeting and superficial, personal fulfillment fosters a profound sense of contentment grounded in authenticity. It is the joy derived from the act of doing, where the process itself becomes the reward.
Consider the example of a writer who pours their heart and soul into a novel. For this writer, the act of creation—crafting characters, developing plotlines, and expressing emotions—is where the true joy lies. They do not write for accolades or bestseller lists; instead, they are driven by an intrinsic desire to share their story. This dedication to the craft cultivates a deep connection to their work, leading to a sense of fulfillment that remains unshaken by external reception.
Moreover, personal fulfillment encourages resilience in the face of adversity. Life is fraught with challenges, but when we derive satisfaction from our efforts, we develop the strength to persevere. Imagine a musician facing rejection from record labels. Instead of succumbing to despair, they continue to create, finding joy in the music. This intrinsic motivation sustains their passion and equips them to navigate setbacks with grace and determination.
Engaging in meaningful actions also nurtures a growth mindset. When we focus on personal fulfillment, we begin to view failures as opportunities for learning rather than as reflections of our worth. Each setback becomes a stepping stone, allowing us to refine our skills and deepen our understanding of our craft. This perspective fosters a culture of experimentation, where we feel free to take risks and embrace the unknown.
Furthermore, personal fulfillment cultivates a sense of purpose that transcends individual achievements. By aligning our actions with our values, we contribute to a greater good, fostering connections with others who share similar passions. This sense of community enriches our experiences, reminding us that we are part of something larger than ourselves. Ultimately, personal fulfillment is a powerful antidote to the superficiality of external validation, grounding us in our authenticity and resilience.
Shifting Focus: From Outcome to Action
Shifting our focus from outcomes to actions is a transformative practice that can profoundly impact our well-being. When we prioritize the quality of our actions, we liberate ourselves from the constraints of expectation and allow ourselves to engage fully in our pursuits. This change in perspective empowers us to find satisfaction in our efforts, regardless of the external results.
For instance, envision a student who approaches their studies not solely aiming to achieve high grades but with a genuine curiosity to learn. This student immerses themselves in the material, asking questions, participating in discussions, and seeking to understand concepts deeply. Their focus on learning cultivates a rich educational experience where the joy of discovery becomes the primary motivator. In this way, their actions precede the final grades, leading to a more meaningful and fulfilling academic journey.
Engaging fully in our actions can also lead to unexpected successes. When we detach our self-worth from outcomes, we create space for creativity and innovation to flourish. Take, for example, a chef experimenting with new recipes. Rather than fixating on how each dish will be received, they allow their passion for cooking to guide them. This freedom to explore can result in culinary masterpieces that capture the attention and admiration of diners—not because they were seeking validation but because they were authentically engaged in the act of creation.
This action-oriented approach also fosters deeper connections with others. When our focus shifts from competition to collaboration, we cultivate a sense of community and shared purpose. Imagine a team working on a project together, each member contributing their unique skills and perspectives. When the focus is on the collective effort rather than individual accolades, the result is a cohesive unit driven by mutual support and encouragement. This collaborative spirit enhances the quality of the work produced and strengthens the bonds between team members.
Ultimately, embracing an action-oriented mindset enriches our lives by fostering a sense of purpose, creativity, and connection. By prioritizing our actions, we can cultivate a more fulfilling existence grounded in authenticity and resilience. This shift allows us to navigate challenges with grace and engage wholeheartedly in our pursuits, finding joy in the process rather than being solely driven by external results.
Cultivating Resilience Through Response
Resilience is a crucial skill that enables us to navigate the inevitable challenges and adversities of life. However, resilience is not merely about enduring hardship; it is fundamentally about how we respond to those challenges. By cultivating a proactive mindset, we can transform setbacks into opportunities for growth and learning.
When faced with adversity, our initial instincts may lean toward negative reactions—self-doubt, frustration, or even despair. However, training ourselves to respond constructively can significantly impact our experiences. For instance, consider an entrepreneur whose business faces unexpected challenges. Instead of wallowing in defeat, they can analyze the situation, learn from it, and pivot their strategy. This proactive response helps them recover and equips them with valuable insights for future endeavors.
Emotional intelligence plays a pivotal role in cultivating resilience. By developing an awareness of our emotions and understanding their sources, we empower ourselves to manage our responses effectively. For example, practicing mindfulness can help us pause and reflect before reacting, allowing us to choose a response that aligns with our values. This practice fosters a clearer perspective on our experiences, enabling us to approach challenges calmly and rationally.
Furthermore, our responses to adversity shape not only our personal journeys but also the dynamics of our relationships. When we handle challenges with composure and resilience, we become a source of strength for others. Our ability to remain calm under pressure can inspire those around us, fostering a supportive environment where resilience flourishes. This collective strength allows communities to navigate difficulties together, reinforcing the bonds that unite us.
Cultivating resilience also involves embracing a growth mindset. Instead of viewing setbacks as failures, we can reframe them as valuable learning experiences. This shift in perspective enables us to view challenges as opportunities for personal development, enhancing our capacity to adapt and thrive. As we respond constructively to adversity, we become more resilient and better equipped to face future challenges with confidence and grace.
Ultimately, resilience is a dynamic process shaped by our responses to life’s ups and downs. By prioritizing thoughtful reactions and embracing a proactive mindset, we contribute to a culture of resilience that benefits us and those around us. This approach empowers us to navigate life’s challenges with fortitude, transforming obstacles into stepping stones toward personal growth and fulfillment.
The Lasting Impact of Our Actions
Our actions reverberate far beyond our immediate experiences, shaping our lives and the lives of others in profound ways. Marcus Aurelius’s reflection on the fleeting nature of external validation is a poignant reminder that the accolades we seek often fade into obscurity. In contrast, the consequences of our actions—how we treat others, the integrity we uphold, and the effort we invest—leave a lasting legacy.
Engaging in meaningful actions cultivates a sense of purpose that transcends individual achievements. Consider the dedicated teacher who invests time and energy into nurturing their students. Their impact may not be evident in standardized test scores alone; rather, it manifests in the lives they touch and the values they instill. Years later, former students may look back and recognize their teacher’s profound influence on their personal and professional journeys, highlighting the enduring power of meaningful engagement.
Moreover, our actions can create ripples in the broader community. Small acts of kindness—helping a neighbor, volunteering for a cause, or advocating for social justice—can inspire others to do the same. This chain reaction fosters a culture of empathy and cooperation, where individuals are motivated to contribute positively to their communities. For instance, a community garden initiated by a few passionate individuals can grow into a thriving hub of activity, bringing people together and promoting sustainable practices.
The lasting impact of our actions is also evident in the legacy we leave behind. Focusing on integrity and authenticity can inspire future generations to embrace their values and pursue their passions. Imagine a mentor who dedicates time to guiding young professionals in their careers. Their influence can extend beyond immediate interactions, as mentees carry forward the lessons learned, shaping their own practices and relationships.
Ultimately, recognizing the lasting impact of our actions empowers us to lead lives of purpose and significance. By prioritizing meaningful engagement, we cultivate connections and create a legacy that resonates beyond our time. This awareness encourages us to act with intention, nurturing relationships and contributing positively to the world around us.
Daily Stoic Meditation: Are My Actions Contributing to My Well-Being?
Short answer: No!
Humans are emotional. I am too. Sometimes more than others in certain matters.
I don’t always do what makes sense logically. My decisions and actions aren’t always in the right direction when they are only affecting me. Where other people are involved, I do whatever I can with the best intentions and I try to do what is right for others even if they can’t see it for themselves.
But when it is about my well-being, I do get carried away at times. For example, I know I have to go to the gym daily at 10 am but I don’t because of some lame excuse I give in my head. It’s stupid I know, but I don’t do anything to fix it.
I am not entirely happy with my professional situation. I am nervous when I am approaching clients because of some bullshit I keep telling myself about not being good enough. This self-fulfilling limiting belief is stronger than all the evidence to the contrary.
Although I am working on it and making progress, I realized that I had some major inferiority complex about dealing with people in my personal life whether making friends or dating. There are some obvious improvement I need to make both internally and externally.
I feel like I procrastinate a bit too much which leads to wasting of time. Some procrastination I feel in justified, every one needs some down time but I take a step too far.
I want to write. A major challenge I face is that because I spend too much time surrounded by music and videos, I can’t sit idle and quiet for any length of time in which I can let some ideas spark within.
All in all, I see these areas of improvement for myself. The good news is, I continue to do the things that work for me and challenge myself to explore new things such as dancing, public speaking, travel etc.
Conclusion: Embracing the Philosophy of Action
In the pursuit of happiness, let us heed the wisdom of Marcus Aurelius and focus our attention on our own actions rather than external outcomes. By aligning our intentions with our values, embracing the process over the outcome, and cultivating resilience in the face of adversity, we discover a profound sense of well-being that transcends the fleeting pleasures of external validation. Ultimately, our true contentment lies not in the recognition of others but in the integrity and virtue of our own actions.
This article is a part of The Daily Stoic Meditations Series based on Ryan Holiday’s book.