My parents insist I tag along to meet relatives. As a child, I had no choice when we had to go somewhere. My dad often remarked that I would have a say in the matter. Until then, it’s not my call. Then one fine day, I was baffled as to why? I now understand the importance of being there alongside the people when it matters.
Have you ever been forced to go somewhere you knew was boring and had nothing to do there? Of course, you are at perfect liberty to spend your time as you please. As irritating as that may seem, you go regardless because your attendance is expected and necessary.
As a child, we only worry about what we will do when we go there. We don’t want to sit there idle while the grown-ups talk about grown-up things that don’t concern us in any way, shape, or form. The only places I liked to go were where I had kids my age with whom I could play. The other criterion was if the grown-ups made a fuss about me (there are a couple of places and people that come to mind).
I often think my life is my life, and I choose to do what I want. No one decides what I will do or won’t do and where I will go or not. I feel doing things as a matter of convenience is the way to go. I often wonder about living abroad, traveling, and living on my terms. It’s incredible to think of visiting exotic locations, meeting interesting people, and having adventures on the road. You can see the glamorous side of it. Movies do a pretty decent sales pitch of it all over the world. It’s an exciting prospect, honestly.
There is a flip side to living life the way you want. I watched the movie Up, starring George Clooney, released in 2009. In the film, Ryan Bingham lives the life I want to live one day. He travels throughout the year, has a lucrative job, visits new places, and meets interesting people. I was in awe of the character in the first 10 minutes of the movie. It was an aspirational lifestyle for me, perfect, flawless. Or so I thought!
When Ryan decides to attend his sister’s wedding, he realizes how disconnected he is from his family. Watching those scenes, I noticed how he has missed out on moments with his family all these years. He isn’t close to his “dear ones” because he was never there for them. He attends his sister’s wedding like an outsider, as if he was a courtesy invite. When things get rocky for a moment, he doesn’t know what to say or do to remedy the situation simply because he hasn’t been there.
Now that I have been living in France, I know what I was missing out on staying at home but also I realize what I am missing out on now that I am here. I am not there among family; I am absent on special occasions and daily. I can’t be there for people back home because I am here. I am here for a purpose that is super important to me. It’s nothing special, really, not like the movies anyway. I am beginning to see the flip side, and I am okay with that.
Now that I am in France, I have people here who are important to me. I try to show up whenever I am needed. I am there for people because everyone needs help sometimes, and if I can help, that is paramount.
I realized the importance of being there for someone. You might not have a significant role to play, but showing up matters more than you think. In the last season of How I Met Your Mother, Marshall, and his driving companion Daphne share a moment that highlights the point beautifully. Daphne is supposed to be at her daughter’s speech at the Model UN but can’t make it. Her daughter, upon hearing this gets upset and angry.
People, especially kids, understand who does and doesn’t show up in their hour of need. It is important to people that you are there for them, by their side. Being there instills a sense of trust in the people and a sense of belongingness for you. Being there in the small moments of life matters more than you think!
I understand that fact, and I do my best to be present whenever I am needed in my way. I have the same attitude with all my family and friends. I know it matters to them, and that’s why it matters even more to me. Sometimes, I have to make hard choices, move things around and use my time differently. I do it because I see it as investing in relationships and people. I don’t expect anything from it, but it makes me happy to see others happy.
Being there for people and showing up matters more than you think. It is in the small gestures and the little things. Check in on someone, send them a message, take an interest in their life or find an excuse to catch up with them. Whatever we give, we get back! I do these things because people will only think of you if they know you will show up.