I want you to think of the most important thing you want to change in your life. It could be related to your health, relationships, professional life, or anything else. Is there some aspect of your life where you have not been putting in your best and complete efforts? How long have you been trying to make it happen? Why hasn’t it happened so far? What is stopping you?
When I look into my life, I find I am not in the best of health, I have been struggling to accelerate my career graph and my social life has been in a ditch for the better part of the last five years. I keep trying to lose weight and gain it back again. Besides the people I meet at Toastmasters, I don’t go out often. I had spent all of 2019 feeling overwhelmed by my circumstances and not doing anything about it. The only good news was that I managed to secure a good score on GMAT and consequently was admitted into a reputed B-school in France.
During the lockdown in 2020, I had all the time in the world to reflect honestly on what I was doing, but I used it as an excuse not to do anything. After all, I was going to France soon and there was a bloody pandemic out there. In truth, I spent all my time telling myself some bullshit story about knowing where I wanted to be in ten years but having no idea how to get there. I have often remarked that I need to change, a complete overhaul. But no matter what I said or did, nothing seemed to move.
In 2018, I shed 20kgs of my weight by following a strict diet before giving up. Since then I have recovered what I had lost and found some more, not that I was looking for it. Today, my weight is at an all-time high and it sucks. I have been trying to get back on a diet for a while but have not made it happen.
Even as I wrote this last line, I couldn’t help but think how nonsensical it sounded. To think I have been saying this out loud as a justification for my current circumstances. The truth of the matter is that I haven’t done anything to change my life for the better. That’s why nothing has happened and things haven’t moved an inch since last year.
When I ask myself what is stopping me from making this change, the answer is NOTHING! I realize no external factors are holding me back, just a belief that I cannot do it. It is a lack of belief in myself. I attributed it to my lack of motivation when I wasn’t ready and willing to change.
To make a significant change, one must change themselves. For that to happen, we must believe we are capable of change. I like how Jordan Belfort (The guy DiCaprio played in The Wolf of Wall Street) phrases it in his book and training modules:
Change happens overnight, in an instant like a snap. Rest of the time is spent convincing ourselves to make it happen.
My ambition is to empower over a million people to realize their potential, both personally and professionally. It’s a tall, daunting order, but I know I can change people’s lives because I can change my own.
If you want to change the world, stop global warming or end poverty, you can make it happen. The key is to start by believing you can make it happen. Think about the changes you want to make in your life and the areas where you are not giving it your all. What is the story you are telling yourself about this? If you try and say this excuse out loud, maybe like me, you will see how ridiculous it sounds.
Once you realize that the story is just a bunch of nonsense, then you will be ready to make a change. Ever since I came to France, I had begun to realize how much I was taking for granted when I was at home, what I was missing out on socially because all I did was stay at home and what I should have been doing but wasn’t doing.
I understand now that the key to making changes is to do different things and things differently. As the saying goes, “If nothing changes, nothing changes.” I am consciously trying to do things I wouldn’t have normally done. It sounds counter-intuitive because that is how this approach works. I am opening myself to new experiences, both big and small.
For example, during the last weekend of August 2021, I went to a DJ Snake concert that was being held 300km away from home. I don’t listen to EDM, I don’t know who DJ Snake is, and I have no interest in going to a crowded nightclub for eight hours. I went there for the experience and to see what would happen. My alternative was a quiet Friday night at home or this adventure I enjoyed.
I saw the French Grand Prix in June 2021. I have never seen F1 in my life; the only thing I know about it was Michael Schumacher. I decided to go because I gave up the opportunity to attend the only Indian Grand Prix that happened a few years ago. I knew going in that it would be a memorable experience, but it turned out to be even better. But that’s a story for another time.
These are examples of quite big and pretty expensive experiences, but I hope you see the mindset. I would never spend time, money or effort on these things, but because I want to try different things, I do these things that I have never done before. I am thinking of attending the opera this week in Lyon.
The idea is to catch my initial response to these prospects and see what the alternative looks like. I use this approach in the smallest of things in daily life. I am more active and focused because I always look for the next new experience. The end goal here is to see what mental blocks I have and how I can get past them.
There are still aspects of my life that I have not been paying attention to, but I know I will get to them soon enough because I am actively pursuing change. It’s the only reason you are reading this blog right now. I am writing daily now because I decided to change my habits and start doing what I have wanted to do for a long time.
Nothing is stopping us from changing a situation except the ridiculous story we tell ourselves. The moment we realize and accept that we are standing in our way, things change.