In the realm of conversation, it’s not just about what you say but also what you can talk about. Many of us are like subway riders in our hobbies and interests, knowing only where we get on and where we get off. We’re experts in our pastimes but often unfamiliar with the vast array of interests others may have. The key to becoming a modern-day Renaissance person lies in adopting the “Scramble Therapy” technique—a method that can transform you into an adept conversationalist, no matter the topic.
Leil’s Personal Anecdote
Whenever friends visit my hometown in New York City, I always give them the same advice: “Never ask anyone riding the subway for directions.”
The response is often one of disbelief. “Because I’ll get mugged?” they ask, half in jest, half in genuine concern.
I laugh and shake my head, “No, just because you’ll never get where you’re going!” You see, most New Yorkers who ride the subway know only two things: where they get on and where they get off. They have little to no knowledge of the intricate web that is the rest of the system. It’s as though everything beyond their journey is an enigma—uncharted territory. And that’s not just true for subway riders. It’s often the case for our hobbies, too. We’re deeply knowledgeable about the pastimes we’ve chosen, but other activities? They’re like stations we’ve never visited.
This behavior is evident in my friends Rita and Walter. Rita is obsessed with bowling. Every Wednesday night, she can be found with her friends, passionately discussing her scores, averages, and the triumphs of her high games. On the other hand, Walter, another friend, spends most weekends white-water rafting. He’s well-versed in the rivers he’s conquered, the outfitters he’s partnered with, and the rapids he enjoys the most. One day, I decided to introduce Rita, the bowler, to Walter, the paddler, thinking they might have some common ground.
I mentioned their respective interests, hoping it would spark an engaging conversation. But when Rita asked Walter about his passion for rafting, his response was patronizing. “No, it’s not dangerous,” he said, dismissing her interest. The conversation fizzled out almost immediately, and the silence that followed was deafening.
Had Rita tried white-water rafting, or Walter bowled just once, they could have connected on a deeper level. The conversation could have flowed naturally; who knows where that could have led. What was missing? A shared experience—a bridge between two worlds.
The “Scramble Therapy” Solution
Once a month, scramble your life. Do something you’d never dream of doing. Participate in a sport, attend an exhibition, or hear a lecture on something totally out of your experience. You get 80 percent of the right lingo and insider questions from just one exposure.
Technique #38 – Scramble Therapy
In today’s world, it’s all too easy to get stuck in the rut of our daily routines. We become specialists in a particular area—a hobby, a career, or even social circles—and tend to neglect the vast number of other experiences available. This narrow focus can limit our ability to engage meaningfully with people outside our usual spheres, making conversations feel shallow and disconnected when an unfamiliar topic arises. “Scramble Therapy” offers a solution by intentionally stepping out of your comfort zone and broadening your knowledge base and experience. It encourages you to do something completely different from your regular activities once a month, breaking up the monotony of your life and exposing you to new perspectives, hobbies, and passions.
Imagine you’re someone who spends most weekends on the tennis court. You’ve perfected your serve, can rally for hours, and understand the game’s nuances. Imagine swapping your tennis lessons for something completely out of the ordinary: hiking. Maybe you’ve never considered hiking a challenge, but that’s precisely the point of Scramble Therapy—taking you out of your comfort zone and forcing you to experience something entirely unfamiliar. It could also be the reverse—if you usually hike, try a tennis lesson for a weekend. Or maybe, if bowling has always been your thing, take a weekend off and try your hand at white-water rafting.
The beauty of this approach is that it doesn’t require you to become an expert in every activity. Instead, it’s about gaining enough exposure to gain conversational insight and broaden your interests. Doing something new, even just once, opens up opportunities to connect with people who share those interests. These small exposures to different activities can transform you into someone who can hold engaging conversations about various topics, making you a more well-rounded, socially adept individual. Scramble Therapy is not just about dabbling in new hobbies—it’s about enriching your life with the experiences and insights that only come from stepping outside your usual sphere.
The Power of a Single Experience
One of the most intriguing aspects of Scramble Therapy is the idea that you don’t need to immerse yourself in a hobby or activity for years to gain valuable conversational skills. The key insight is that a single, well-chosen experience is enough to provide the foundation for meaningful interactions on that subject. When you drop a piece of blue litmus paper into a vat of acid that instantly changes color, a single experience in a new field can provide immediate and significant value. This one-time exposure is enough to understand the essential terms, insider knowledge, and key questions that will allow you to converse intelligently about the topic.
Think of it as a shortcut to gaining credibility. You don’t need to master the hobby—just participating in it once allows you to engage with the people who are passionate about it. You’ve always been intrigued by scuba diving but never pursued it. If you took a resort dive (like the one I did in Bermuda), you would have enough knowledge to converse intelligently with certified divers. You might only have a few hours of experience, but those few hours give you 80% of the conversational tools you need. You’ll learn the jargon, the fundamental concepts, and even the insider questions to ask, like “What’s your favorite dive site?” or “Have you ever dived at night?” These kinds of questions make you sound like an insider, even though your experience is limited.
This concept is powerful because it transforms the way you approach new hobbies. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by the idea of mastering a new activity, you can approach it with the understanding that you only need to dip your toe in to gain substantial conversational insight. This reduces the fear of trying something new and opens up many personal and social growth opportunities. You don’t need to spend years collecting stamps to talk intelligently about them—you just need to attend one stamp exhibition to learn the basics and engage with collectors about their passion.
Scramble Therapy and Scuba Diving: A Case Study
To illustrate how a single experience can boost your conversational skills, let’s take a closer look at a personal example. Years ago, I visited Bermuda, and while there, I decided to try scuba diving. I wasn’t certified and had little knowledge of the sport, but I came across a sign for a resort dive: “No experience necessary, $25.” Intrigued, I signed up for a three-hour crash course. This single experience was enough to teach me the basics of scuba diving and give me a glimpse into the world of divers.
As I sat on the dive boat, surrounded by seasoned divers, I couldn’t help but overhear them discussing various aspects of the sport. Terms like “wreck diving,” “the bends,” “bottom time,” and “night diving” were casually thrown around. While I didn’t fully understand everything they said, I picked up enough to ask the right questions. By the end of the dive, I asked experienced divers, “What’s your favorite dive site?” or “Have you ever dived on a wreck?” These questions weren’t random—they showed that I had gained enough foundation to engage in a meaningful conversation about diving, even though I had only participated in the sport for a few hours.
More importantly, I was able to avoid making beginner mistakes. I didn’t make the rookie mistake of asking, “Aren’t you scared of sharks?”—a question that would likely annoy most experienced divers. Instead, I could ask about their diving experiences with the right tone, demonstrating respect and understanding for their passion. By the end of the trip, I was no longer just a tourist; I was someone who could speak the language of divers, even though my experience was limited.
This single dive didn’t make me an expert in scuba diving, but it gave me the conversational tools I needed to connect with divers on a deeper level. It showed how a brief exposure to something new could drastically change how I interact with others who are passionate about that activity.
Expanding Your Conversational Toolkit with Scramble Therapy
The beauty of Scramble Therapy is that it equips you with the conversational tools to connect with people from all walks of life. By stepping outside your usual activities and engaging in a new one, you expand your ability to converse intelligently about various topics. Imagine sitting at a dinner party where the conversation shifts to something you’ve never experienced, like bungee jumping. Instead of feeling lost, you can confidently ask, “Do you prefer chest-waist or ankle jumps?” This shows you’re familiar with the sport and understand the finer details enthusiasts care about.
Similarly, if the conversation moves to chess, you can ask questions about specific strategies or openings or discuss well-known grandmasters and tournaments. These kinds of questions show you’re not just passively listening to the conversation—you’re an active participant, engaged and curious. Scramble Therapy allows you to do this in almost any situation. Whether the topic turns to bird-watching, tennis, or coin collecting, you’ll have a question to ask or a point to contribute. This gives you the confidence to navigate any social situation with ease.
Moreover, engaging with people with diverse interests can lead to new opportunities. By demonstrating genuine curiosity and knowledge about their hobbies, you can open doors to meaningful relationships. These relationships, whether personal or professional, can enrich your life in unexpected ways. As you broaden your conversational toolkit, you will realize that people appreciate your willingness to learn and your ability to engage with them on various topics.
The Social Benefits of Scramble Therapy
The social advantages of Scramble Therapy go beyond simply having something to talk about. By trying new things, you enrich your life with the insights and perspectives of others. Each new activity introduces you to a different community, a new set of values, and a different way of thinking. Whether you’re spending time with tennis players, bird-watchers, or scuba divers, each group brings a unique worldview. This exposure broadens your understanding of the world and helps you develop empathy and appreciation for people with different interests.
Moreover, trying new activities allows you to meet diverse people. For instance, you might meet someone who shares your love of nature while bird-watching or connects you with a community of hikers or environmentalists. Similarly, a casual conversation at a stamp exhibition could lead to new friendships with collectors who introduce you to even more obscure and fascinating hobbies. The key is that diversifying your interests increases the chance of meeting like-minded individuals from different walks of life.
Over time, this social diversification makes you a more interesting, dynamic individual. People want to engage with you because they know you’re someone who has experiences outside the ordinary. They respect your curiosity and admire your ability to connect with them on topics that might seem esoteric or niche. Scramble Therapy doesn’t just make you a more interesting conversationalist—it opens up a whole new world of connections and relationships.
Through Scramble Therapy, you’ll find that your social circle grows, your perspectives widen, and your ability to connect with others on a deeper level increases. Every new experience adds a layer to your understanding of the world, making you more adaptable, relatable, and confident in any social situation.
Conclusion
The key to becoming a modern-day Renaissance man or woman isn’t about mastering a dozen different skills but being willing to dive into unfamiliar territories. Just one experience—one new activity—can drastically change how you connect with others. It expands your conversational toolkit and allows you to build deeper connections with people from all walks of life. Don’t shy away the next time you find yourself in a conversation about an unfamiliar hobby. Just remember: fly a kite.
This article is part of the How to Talk to Anyone Series based on Leil Lowndes’ book.