“Tell me the story again, Daddy!” Many fathers hear a familiar refrain as they tuck their little ones into bed. Whether it’s the tale of the three little pigs, the dancing princesses, or the ever-popular story of how Mommy and Daddy met, the request is always the same. And why not? It’s a simple, joyful way to relive the magic of a beloved tale that both parent and child cherish. The child is eager to hear it again, while the father is delighted, knowing how much his little one enjoys the story.
This simple exchange introduces us to a powerful technique called “Encore!” It serves a dual purpose: It allows the storyteller to bask in the warmth of the audience’s appreciation and breathes life into any faltering conversation. Just as a father enjoys telling his child a favorite story again, you can use this technique to keep conversations flowing and engaging professionally and socially.
Encore! The Secret to Lively Conversations
The sweetest sound a performer can hear, welling up out of the applause, is “Encore! Encore! Let’s hear it again!” The sweetest sound your conversation partner can hear from your lips when you’re talking with a group of people is “Tell them about the time you . . .” Whenever you’re at a meeting or party with someone important to you, think of some stories they told you. Choose an appropriate one from their repertoire that the crowd will enjoy. Then, shine the spotlight by requesting a repeat performance.
Technique #21 – Encore!
The “Encore!” technique is an understated yet remarkably effective tool for breathing life into conversations that are beginning to fizzle out. At its core, this technique fosters an environment where people feel appreciated and valued by allowing them to shine. Everyone has a story to tell, and sometimes, the best way to keep a conversation flowing is to invite someone to retell a story that has already captivated an audience.
This technique works wonders when the mood shifts from engaging to awkward or disjointed in a social setting. Perhaps you’re at a dinner party where the conversation has stalled or a meeting where everyone is stuck on a single topic. Instead of allowing the conversation to drag, you can revitalize it by requesting a “repeat performance” from someone who has already shared a story everyone enjoyed. By doing so, you’re both engaging the storyteller and encouraging everyone around you to re-engage with the conversation.
The power of this technique lies in its appeal to human nature. People love to talk about themselves and enjoy being asked to share stories that make them feel good. You’re reviving the conversation by giving someone the spotlight and creating an opportunity for a deeper connection. People feel valued when they tell stories that they are proud of or showcase their talents or successes. As a result, everyone around them feels more energized and eager to contribute.
This dynamic makes the “Encore!” technique invaluable for maintaining high social engagement and avoiding awkward pauses. Whether at a party, a work gathering, or a networking event, asking someone to tell their favorite story is a surefire way to get people talking, smiling, and enjoying each other’s company.
Creating Connections in Unlikely Situations
Sometimes, the most unlikely situations provide the perfect opportunity to use the “Encore!” technique to create connections. Consider a scenario where you are faced with an uncomfortable or awkward social setting, such as when a group doesn’t share a common language or cultural background. This situation may cause the conversation to falter, leaving you scrambling for ways to engage everyone in a meaningful way. However, this is where the “Encore!” technique shines, as it allows you to bridge gaps between people and create an atmosphere where everyone feels included.
Take, for example, my experience as a cruise director on a ship with a diverse group of passengers and Italian officers who spoke primarily in their native language. The officers, required to attend the captain’s cocktail party each week, often found themselves grouped, speaking Italian. Unfortunately, most passengers could only understand basic Italian, such as food-related words, so the language barrier created a disconnect. The officers didn’t feel compelled to engage, and the passengers, who didn’t know Italian, struggled to make meaningful conversations.
At first, my attempts to encourage mingling were unsuccessful. The officers would group, making it difficult for the passengers to break through and connect. But then, I recognized an opportunity. When a dramatic event occurred—a nighttime rescue of an injured laborer from another ship—it became the perfect story to tell and use as an icebreaker. The story was gripping, emotional, and empowering, making it a great conversation starter.
By encouraging the officers to share this story of heroism, I used the “Encore!” technique to bridge the cultural and language gaps. It worked wonders. Dr. Rossi, the ship’s doctor, was initially shy and reserved. Still, after being prompted to tell the rescue story, he became animated and engaged, telling the passengers about the dramatic event. This energized the conversation and allowed the passengers to see the officers in a new light—as capable, courageous individuals instead of just people from another country.
Once the officers shared this story, the rest of the evening flowed much more smoothly. The group dynamic had shifted, and the passengers felt more comfortable engaging with the officers. The key takeaway is that sharing a story with others can break down barriers and create lasting connections—even in challenging situations.
How to Use Encore! in Your Conversations
Now that we’ve established the value of “Encore!” in creating a lively atmosphere, it’s essential to understand how to use it in your conversations effectively. At its heart, the technique encourages someone to retell a story they’ve shared, particularly one that was engaging, funny, or insightful. When you ask someone to repeat a captivating tale, you’re making them feel good and ensuring that everyone in the conversation is re-engaged and interested in what’s being said.
Here’s how to effectively use the technique:
- Pay Attention to Stories: The first step is to be attentive during conversations. Listen carefully for stories that stand out or resonate with others. These could be tales about personal accomplishments, funny anecdotes, or inspiring life lessons.
- Encourage Sharing: When you’re in a group setting, and someone has shared a captivating story, you can request they tell it again. You can do this flatteringly and respectfully by saying, “That story was incredible—can you tell everyone how you pulled that off?” This makes the person feel valued and keeps the conversation from stagnating.
- Emphasize the Impact: Make sure to emphasize the value of their story by framing it as something that everyone in the group will benefit from hearing. Saying something like, “I think everyone would love to hear that again—especially the part about how you solved that problem under pressure—adds weight to their experience and encourages them to repeat it.
- Be Insistent, But Not Overbearing: Sometimes, people hesitate to retell their stories because they don’t want to appear boastful or because they feel they’ve been told too many times. In this case, gently insist. Reassure them that the audience will appreciate it. After all, only the best stories get asked for again, and they are the ones with a tale worth sharing.
- Let the Story Unfold Naturally: Once the story begins, allow the person to tell it at their own pace. Don’t interrupt or rush them. The beauty of the “Encore!” technique is that it allows the speaker to revisit their narrative, making them feel important and reinforcing their confidence.
These steps allow you to use the “Encore!” technique to create a more engaging, dynamic conversation. It turns a simple story into a memorable experience that both the speaker and the listeners will enjoy.
The Magic of Encore! in Social and Professional Settings
The “Encore!” technique can be a game-changer in social and professional settings where networking and relationship-building are key. It’s not just about getting someone to retell a funny anecdote or share a victory; it’s about facilitating connections, building rapport, and keeping the energy of a conversation high. Whether at a corporate event, a casual gathering, or a one-on-one networking session, knowing when to prompt someone to share a story can make you a master at managing social dynamics.
At a professional event, when you encounter someone who has recently shared a success or a significant experience, prompting them to retell that story is an excellent way to enhance the conversation. Not only does it highlight their achievements, but it also provides valuable insight into their skills, personality, and approach to challenges. For example, you could say, “I love that story you shared about how you managed to streamline the project process. Can you share that with the team here? I think everyone would find it inspiring.”
This not only helps the person retell their story but also enhances their professional credibility in the eyes of the group. It showcases their accomplishments and reinforces their value within the group. The benefit here is twofold: the speaker gains recognition, and the group gets a fresh, meaningful perspective that keeps the conversation engaging and productive.
In a more casual social setting, such as a dinner party or a social gathering, the “Encore!” technique can work wonders to ensure everyone actively participates in the conversation. When someone shares a humorous or touching story, asking them to retell it helps to solidify connections between people and makes the evening feel more cohesive. By prompting the speaker to share again, you ensure that no one is left out of the conversation and the room remains full of energy.
The Power of Positive Stories
When requesting a story using the “Encore!” technique, it’s crucial to ensure the story being retold is positive; people enjoy talking about their successes, milestones, and moments. People don’t want to repeatedly recount their failures or embarrassing moments, so it’s important to choose stories that highlight someone’s strengths, resilience, or triumphs.
Positive stories are more than just feel-good moments—they are important for building confidence and reinforcing self-esteem. When someone is asked to retell a story in which they succeeded, overcame obstacles, or achieved something significant, they feel validated and valued. It also helps build rapport with the audience, who will appreciate the insight into the storyteller’s character and accomplishments.
For instance, a story about how someone navigated a tough business challenge, helped someone in need, or accomplished a goal despite facing setbacks is far more compelling than a story about a mistake or failure. People want to hear about others’ successes because they inspire them and create a sense of admiration. Focusing on positive stories ensures the conversation remains uplifting and engaging, fostering a sense of connection and mutual respect.
The Delightful Side Effect of Encore!
One of the hidden advantages of using the “Encore!” technique is that it provides a graceful exit strategy from a tiresome conversation. We’ve all found ourselves in situations where someone tells a story that seems to go on forever, becoming monotonous and draining the group’s energy. The solution? Encourage the speaker to retell their story to someone else.
By prompting them to share their tale again, you effectively shift the attention from yourself to the storyteller. This allows you to step away without drawing attention to your exit. You’ve created a seamless transition where the conversation continues, but you no longer feel compelled to stay engaged with a story that’s lost its charm.
This technique works particularly well when you need to escape a dull conversation but avoid being rude or dismissive. It allows you to free yourself from the interaction while allowing the storyteller to continue engaging with others, thus maintaining the social flow of the event.
Conclusion: Encore! A Conversation Game-Changer
The “Encore!” technique is more than just a conversation tool—it’s a way to breathe life into any social or professional gathering. Encouraging people to tell their best stories creates an atmosphere of positivity, connection, and engagement. It’s a simple but powerful way to make others feel good about themselves while ensuring that the conversation never falls flat.
So, the next time you’re at a gathering and find the conversation lagging, ask for an encore. You’ll revive the mood and help those around you shine in the best possible light.
This article is part of the How to Talk to Anyone Series based on Leil Lowndes’ book.