Beyond the “Umm” Habit
Have you ever noticed that while engaged in conversation, you often find yourself making involuntary sounds like “uh huh” or throaty “umm” noises? It’s a common habit, one that many of us use to reassure the speaker that we’re actively listening and processing their words. In fact, for some, these vocalizations become such a natural part of their communication style that they escape their throats without conscious thought. Take my friend Phil, for instance – he’s a dedicated, perpetual “ummer” whenever I’m talking. It’s almost like his verbal signature.
The Perils of Unconscious “Umming”
Occasionally, especially when I’m feeling a tad mischievous after Phil has showered me with his agreeable “umms” in response to something I’ve said, I decide to put his listening skills to the test. I’ll casually ask, “OK, Phil, what did I say?”
And then it happens. Phil’s face takes on a puzzled expression as he stammers, “Uh, well, gosh…” The truth is, he has no idea. Now, before we start pointing fingers, it’s important to note that Phil is not alone in this. The habit of not-really-listening “umming” is something that many people, especially men, are guilty of.
The Alternative: Empathizers
But here’s the thing – while “umming” might be better than a blank stare, it’s far from the choice of top-notch communicators. Instead of these incomplete sounds, consider replacing them with something far more effective – empathizers.
Empathizers are simple, short, and supportive statements that convey understanding and empathy. Unlike the vague “uh huh,” empathizers are complete sentences that offer validation and support. They can be as straightforward as “I can appreciate you decided to do that” or as heartfelt as “That really is exciting.” They may even take the form of one-sentence positive critiques, such as “Yes, that was the honorable thing to do” or “It’s charming you felt that way.”
The Magic of Empathizers
When you respond with empathizers – complete sentences that convey genuine understanding – you not only come across as more articulate but also make your listener feel truly heard and appreciated. It’s a subtle yet powerful shift in communication that can transform your interactions.
Of course, there’s a catch. To use empathizers effectively, you need to be an active listener. You have to tune in, absorb the message, and respond with empathy that’s tailored to the speaker’s words and emotions.
Advanced Empathizing
Now that we’ve covered the basics of employing empathizers, let’s take it a step further and explore advanced empathizing techniques. Remember, empathy is not just about what you say; it’s about how you make the other person feel. By mastering this skill, you can leave a lasting impression and forge deeper connections in your conversations.
Conclusion: Mastering Empathetic Communication
In the world of effective communication, mastering empathetic responses is like discovering a hidden superpower. By employing empathizers instead of vague noises, you show that you’re not just a passive listener but an engaged and understanding communicator.
So, the next time you’re engaged in a conversation, resist the urge to be an unconscious “ummer.” Instead, vocalize complete sentences that convey your empathy and understanding. Dust your dialogue with phrases like “I see what you mean” and sprinkle it with sentimental sparklers like “That’s a lovely thing to say.” Your empathy will not only impress your listeners but also encourage them to open up and continue the conversation. It’s a simple yet profound way to connect on a deeper level and make your words truly resonate.