Have you ever found yourself in a conversation where you couldn’t connect with the other person? Maybe you were explaining something and couldn’t get your point across, no matter how hard you tried. Communication isn’t just about words—it’s about how we interpret and relate to the world around us. Each of us processes the world through one dominant sense: sight, sound, or touch. Understanding and aligning with someone’s primary mode of perception can significantly enhance how we communicate and connect. This article explores how identifying and matching sensory preferences can help you build deeper rapport and foster stronger, more meaningful relationships.
The Power of Perception: How Our Senses Shape Our View of the World
We all experience the world through our senses: sight, hearing, touch, taste, and smell. These senses, while shared, are not experienced equally by everyone. Some individuals rely more on their vision, while others rely on sound and touch. This sensory bias shapes how we process the world around us. It’s not just a matter of personal preference but a fundamental part of how we interpret our surroundings. A visual person might focus more on the look of a place, the colors, and the aesthetics. On the other hand, an auditory person may focus on the sounds—the chatter of voices, the hum of traffic, the sounds of nature. Kinesthetic individuals often perceive the world more through their physical sensations, whether it’s the warmth of the sun or the texture of the surface they’re walking on.
When we communicate, we’re naturally using these senses. Visual people may often say things like “I see what you mean” or “That’s a clear picture,” indicating that they interpret information through sight. Auditory types will say, “That sounds good to me” or “I hear what you’re saying,” showing that they process things through sound. Kinesthetic communicators might say things like “I feel that’s right” or “I have a strong sense of this” as they relate to the world through physical experience. Understanding the primary sense through which someone perceives the world can unlock more effective communication. By matching the language they use, we can create a deeper connection and communicate in a way that resonates with them on a fundamental level.
This concept goes beyond everyday conversation and can be applied in various settings. In business, for instance, understanding the dominant sensory mode of clients or colleagues can help tailor presentations, making them more compelling. In teaching, adapting the delivery style to match the sensory preferences of students can help them grasp concepts more effectively. In personal relationships, speaking in someone’s preferred sensory language can deepen emotional connections and foster mutual understanding. Ultimately, when we tune into how others perceive the world, we create a bridge that allows us to communicate more efficiently and build stronger relationships.
Brenda’s Tap Dancing Ears: A Case Study in Sensory Perception
Brenda’s story is a fascinating example of how deeply our sensory preferences can influence our worldview. As a tap dance teacher, Brenda’s life was immersed in rhythm and sound. Tap dancing is an inherently auditory activity—every step produces a distinct sound, and Brenda listened to these sounds and lived them. Her apartment was a sanctuary of rhythm, adorned with posters of tap legends like Bill “Bojangles” Robinson and Charles “Honi” Coles, all of whom were icons in the world of sound. For Brenda, tap dancing wasn’t just an art form—it was how she engaged with life.
When I asked her when she first became interested in tap, her answer surprised me: “From the moment I first opened my ears.” Most people would associate an interest in a particular activity with their eyes, but Brenda’s connection to tap was far more visceral—it was auditory. Her childhood memories of New York City were filled with sound—the rhythmic pattern of footsteps, the sharp honks of car horns, the screech of sirens, and the heavy thud of police horses’ hooves as they moved through the streets. These were the sensory experiences that shaped her understanding of the world. Her first encounter with the world wasn’t through sight but through sound.
This auditory perspective remained central to her life. Brenda didn’t just see the world; she listened to it. When I walked through the house, I could hear her feet’ tap-tap echoing across the floors. The sound was almost like a form of communication, a constant rhythm that matched the beat of her life. For Brenda, the world was alive with movement, rhythm, and music. This story underscores the deep connection between perception and our sensory preferences. Brenda’s experience as a tap dancer wasn’t just about her love for the art form—it was a manifestation of her auditory dominance. Her connection to sound was so profound that it became a defining aspect of her identity.
Discovering Your Primary Sense
Just as Brenda’s life was shaped by her auditory perception, our lives are influenced by the senses through which we engage with the world. Identifying your dominant sensory mode is an enlightening exercise that can clarify how you communicate and relate to others. It’s easy to take our sensory preferences for granted, but once we start paying attention to how we describe the world, patterns emerge that reveal our primary sense.
For example, visual people often describe things in terms of appearance. They say things like, “I see your point” or “That looks good to me.” They might speak about clarity, color, and images because their minds work in vivid pictures. Auditory people, however, talk more in terms of sound. They’ll use phrases like “I hear you” or “That sounds like a good idea.” Their world is filled with conversation, music, and environmental noises.
On the other hand, Kinesthetic people describe their experiences in tactile terms. They say things like, “I can feel that,” or “I have a good grasp of this situation.” Their world is experienced through physical sensations—the sun’s warmth, the texture of an object, or the physical sensations of movement.
To discover your primary sense, start by paying attention to your language. How do you describe things? What metaphors or expressions do you rely on most? The more you observe these patterns, the clearer which sense is most dominant in your communication. Once you identify your primary sense, you can leverage it to enhance your connection with others. For example, you might use more visual imagery when explaining something if you know your listener is visually oriented. If they seem to relate more to sound, you might describe the situation in auditory terms to make them feel understood. Recognizing your sensory preference—and that of others—helps fine-tune your communication for more effective and meaningful interactions.
The Challenge of Identifying a Primary Sense
Identifying someone’s primary sensory preference can be trickier than it sounds. While some people are clear visual, auditory, or kinesthetic communicators, others may switch between sensory modes depending on the context. One moment, a person might describe a situation in purely visual terms—“I can picture that perfectly”—and in the next, they might say, “I hear what you’re saying” or “That feels right to me.” This fluidity can make it difficult to pinpoint someone’s dominant sensory mode.
In many cases, people’s sensory preferences are not set in stone. The way someone communicates can change based on their emotional state, the environment, or the subject matter of the conversation. For instance, a person might speak about a project visually if it involves design or aesthetics but switch to kinesthetic language when discussing how they “feel” about the progress. Additionally, our sensory preferences can shift depending on how we’re trying to connect with someone. If you’re speaking to a visual learner, you might naturally use more imagery, while an auditory person may prompt you to focus on sound and speech.
While this variability might make identifying someone’s primary sense challenging, it’s not insurmountable. Instead of trying to label someone with a single sensory preference, focus on the language they use at any given moment. You’ll match their communication style more accurately and engage with them on their terms.
A Simple Solution: Anatomically Correct Empathizers
What part of their anatomy are your associates talking through? Their eyes? Their ears? Their gut?
For visual people, use visual empathizers to make them think you see the world the way they do. For auditory folks, use auditory empathizers to make them think you hear them loud and clear. For kinesthetic types, use kinesthetic empathizers to make them think you feel the same way they do.
Technique #48 – Anatomically Correct Empathizers
Instead of overthinking which sense dominates someone’s communication, a more effective method is simply responding in the mode they are currently using. This technique, known as Anatomically Correct Empathy, involves adapting your response to match the sensory language you are using. You can mirror their language to create a deeper connection, whether they speak visually, audibly, or kinesthetically.
For example, if a colleague says, “With this plan, we can see our way clear in six months,” they use a visual reference. In this case, you can respond with a visual empathizer like, “I see what you mean” or “That’s a clear picture.” If the colleague says, “This plan has a good ring to it,” you would use an auditory empathizer like, “It sounds great” or “I hear you loud and clear.” Finally, if they say, “I have a gut feeling this plan will work,” you’d respond with a kinesthetic empathizer like, “I can feel that” or “I have a good sense of this.”
This approach works because it doesn’t require you to decipher someone’s dominant sensory mode; you simply match their current mode of communication. By doing this, you align with how they perceive the world in that moment, which fosters empathy and rapport. This technique is particularly useful in conversations where you’re unsure which sense is most prominent but still want to communicate effectively.
The Less Common Senses: Taste and Smell
While most communication revolves around sight, sound, and touch, there are rare instances when taste and smell come into play. These senses are less common in daily interactions but can still be relevant, especially in specialized contexts. For instance, chefs or food critics may describe a dish in terms of its taste, such as “This concept has a delicious twist” or “That idea has a rich flavor.” Similarly, certain environments or situations may evoke sensory responses related to smell. When talking to your dog, you might humorously say, “That idea stinks,” playing on the olfactory sense.
Though these senses are not frequently used in communication, they provide a unique opportunity to meaningfully engage with others. By incorporating references to taste and smell, you can deepen your connection with people who express themselves in these less conventional modes. In conversations about food, cooking, or scent-based experiences, invoking these senses can help make your dialogue more vibrant and attuned to the person’s experience.
Creating Connection with Sensory Language
Understanding and mirroring others’ sensory language to strengthen relationships is essential. Matching your communication style to their sensory mode demonstrates that you truly listen and empathize with their experience. This subtle technique builds rapport and fosters a sense of mutual understanding.
In business, this strategy can be particularly powerful. Whether you’re negotiating a deal, leading a team, or delivering a presentation, speaking in the language of your audience enhances your ability to persuade and connect. This approach can deepen emotional bonds in personal relationships by ensuring the other person feels truly understood. Whether using visual, auditory, or kinesthetic references, the key is to speak the same language and meet others where they are. This simple shift can transform communication and ultimately strengthen your professional and personal relationships.
Conclusion
How we perceive and experience the world shapes how we communicate with others. By recognizing the sensory preferences—whether visual, auditory, or kinesthetic—that guide someone’s perception, we can tailor our communication to resonate more deeply with them. Simple techniques like responding in their sensory language make the other person feel heard and understood and create a bond of empathy. Whether in business, friendships, or personal relationships, using sensory language to align with others’ experiences can transform your interactions and help you forge connections beyond words. So next time you engage in a conversation, take a moment to listen carefully—what sense are they communicating through? By tuning into this subtle but powerful dynamic, you’ll be able to communicate in a way that truly resonates.
This article is part of the How to Talk to Anyone Series based on Leil Lowndes’ book.