Savvy businesspeople understand an unspoken truth: everyone is tuned in to the same station—WIIFM. Translated, this means that the listener’s instinctive reaction at the core of every interaction is, “What’s in it for me?” This principle has become so ingrained in the business world that sales professionals refer to it simply by its acronym, WIIFM. The top sales pros don’t start by talking about the features of their product; they lead with the benefits to the buyer. This subtle shift in focus builds rapport and emphasizes the exchange’s value, making the transaction feel more like a partnership than a pitch.
WIIFM and WIIFY (What’s In It For You) must be laid out on the table in high-stakes negotiations. The situation can quickly spiral into distrust if either party attempts to camouflage these motivations. The outcome? Both parties lose. Success hinges on transparency and clarity, where WIIFM and WIIFY are understood upfront. Let’s dive deeper into mastering the art of revealing these motivations in a way that strengthens relationships and opens the door to greater collaboration.
Setting the Stage: Honesty Is Key
Transparency in any interaction, especially business, is paramount. It’s not just about what’s said but how it’s conveyed; clarity is the cornerstone of trust. The phrase “honesty is the best policy” holds particular weight in professional relationships because a lack of transparency creates uncertainty and can sour what could otherwise be a beneficial exchange. Think about the idea of “WIIFM” (What’s In It For Me)—it’s a driving force behind nearly all decisions people make. Whether we’re conscious of it or not, we always assess every interaction from this lens. So, when entering into a business arrangement, whether pitching a product, requesting a favor, or arranging a meeting, both parties must understand what they stand to gain.
Sam’s lunch example illustrates the potential for a lack of clarity to derail what could otherwise be a productive situation. When the invitation was extended, there was an assumption that it was a simple consultation. The real benefit was supposed to be that Sam would provide advice about the speaker’s business, and the speaker would benefit from the meal and Sam’s company. Instead, Sam’s hidden agenda—recruiting people to donate presentations for his organization—was not disclosed, leading to confusion, frustration, and ultimately a missed opportunity. Had Sam openly communicated the purpose of the lunch beforehand, the speaker could have made an informed decision about whether to attend, and both parties would have walked away from the interaction feeling satisfied.
Transparency isn’t just about sharing what you want—it’s about respecting the other person’s time, expectations, and needs. If Sam had laid out his agenda from the start, he could have framed the lunch as a networking opportunity rather than a private consultation, clarifying what both parties would gain. By doing so, he would have avoided misunderstandings and built a stronger professional connection. This principle is applicable not only in business dealings but also in personal relationships. When you communicate your intentions, the other person clearly understands what’s happening, and that trust forms the foundation for long-term collaboration.
The ultimate lesson here is that people appreciate when their counterparts are upfront about their goals. Honesty removes the fog of uncertainty and empowers both parties to make decisions that align with their best interests. When you’re transparent, you respect the other person’s time and energy, enhancing the chances of a fruitful and positive exchange.
The Power of Being Upfront About Your Needs
When navigating professional or personal relationships, there’s often an undercurrent of hesitation about directly expressing needs. People tend to be indirect or shy away from revealing how much they need something because they fear appearing demanding or too reliant. But in reality, being upfront about your needs is not only more efficient, but it also builds respect and trust. People can help you better when they understand the magnitude of your request. When your needs are veiled in ambiguity, the likelihood of receiving help diminishes, and the quality of the help may not meet expectations.
The interaction with Stefan is a prime example of how failing to be direct can create confusion and frustration. Stefan needed help finding a band for an event, but he danced around the issue instead of making it clear that he was responsible for the task. His lack of transparency made the situation more complicated for him and the writer. By not stating clearly that he was the one who needed help with the band, Stefan inadvertently created unnecessary tension. Once Stefan admitted his responsibility, it was much easier for the writer to jump in and offer assistance. Had Stefan been upfront about the importance of the favor from the start, the situation would have been handled with much less confusion, and both parties would have been more comfortable.
Being upfront about your needs makes it easier for the other person to help and fosters a sense of mutual respect. When you acknowledge that you need help and express how much it matters, you invite the other person into the process, allowing them to feel like an important part of the solution. This open approach creates an environment where people feel appreciated and trusted rather than burdened by an unclear or hesitant request.
Reluctance to express needs is often rooted in a fear of rejection or of appearing weak, but in reality, people are more inclined to offer help when they know it will make a meaningful difference. By clearly outlining how significant the favor is, you also help the other person understand the weight of the situation. This removes the guesswork and makes it easier for them to decide how best to contribute. This straightforwardness strengthens relationships and sets the foundation for deeper connections built on trust and mutual understanding.
Letting Others Know How Much They Matter
One of the most fundamental human desires is to feel seen and appreciated. This is especially true when someone goes out of their way to assist you, whether by offering their time, expertise, or resources. Yet, so many people overlook the importance of acknowledging the contributions of others. When you ask for help, simply receiving the favor isn’t enough—you must also show that you truly appreciate the person’s effort. Acknowledging what the other person brings strengthens your bond, creating a relationship rooted in gratitude and respect.
In the case of the writer helping Stefan with the band, the situation could have changed if Stefan had expressed more appreciation for the favor. While the writer was happy to assist, the lack of recognition for the time and energy invested may have left a sour aftertaste. Acknowledging the effort involved in providing help—whether it’s a simple favor or a complex task is crucial. A small expression of gratitude can elevate the transaction from a mere exchange to something far more meaningful.
When you ask for a favor, ensure the person understands their help is truly valued. This doesn’t just make them feel appreciated; it also motivates them to help more willingly in the future. Feeling acknowledged creates a sense of fulfillment, and people are more likely to extend themselves when they know their efforts are recognized. Gratitude is a currency that never devalues, and by offering it freely, you ensure that your relationships remain strong and your network continues to grow.
Similarly, when you grant a favor, express the importance of their help to you. This appreciation enhances the other person’s sense of value and encourages them to feel like a vital part of your success. Recognizing their contribution creates a feeling of partnership, where both parties walk away with a sense of accomplishment and mutual respect.
The Subtle Art of Giving and Receiving Favors
Favors, whether large or small, are the glue that binds relationships. But the exchange of favors requires more than just asking and receiving—it involves a balance that hinges on giving and receiving with transparency and respect. When you ask for help, it’s essential to recognize the other person’s contribution and show them how their effort aligns with your goals. When you help someone, it’s equally important to communicate how much their assistance means to you, reinforcing the sense of reciprocity.
The real art of giving and receiving favors lies in recognizing that both sides stand to benefit from the exchange, even if the benefits are not always immediately apparent. When you offer a favor, you’re not simply giving but investing in the relationship. And when you ask for help, you’re creating an opportunity for the other person to contribute, which can deepen your connection. This mutual benefit creates a dynamic of shared purpose that strengthens both parties.
In business, favors are often exchanged in subtle ways. Maybe you help a colleague with a task, or perhaps you take the time to introduce a business partner to someone who could help their career. The key is that these favors are not one-sided transactions—they’re opportunities to create value for both individuals involved. By framing favors this way, you build a sense of camaraderie and collaboration that transcends the immediate exchange.
Similarly, when receiving a favor, don’t just accept it passively—acknowledge the value of the other person’s contribution. Recognizing their efforts reinforces your bond and encourages future exchanges. The key to a thriving network and meaningful relationships lies in the subtle yet powerful balance of giving and receiving with appreciation and transparency.
Bare the Buried WIIFM (and WIIFY)
Whenever you suggest a meeting or ask a favor, divulge the respective benefits. Reveal what’s in it for you and what’s in it for the other person—even if it’s zip. If any hidden agenda comes up later, you get labeled a sly fox.
Technique #80 – Bare the Buried WIIFM (and WIIFY)
When entering any personal or professional agreement, it’s crucial to reveal the hidden motivations that may remain obscured. WIIFM (What’s In It For Me) and WIIFY (What’s In It For You) should not be secretive or cloaked in ambiguity. They must be laid out clearly so both parties understand what they stand to gain from the interaction. Concealing these motivations can lead to misalignment, dissatisfaction, and a failed relationship or transaction.
When you initiate a conversation or request, clearly articulate your and the other person’s needs. This transparency ensures everyone is on the same page and no one feels misled. If either party feels their motivations are being hidden or manipulated, trust erodes, and the opportunity for mutual benefit diminishes. By addressing WIIFM and WIIFY, you show respect for the other person’s perspective, ensuring they are equally informed and empowered in the exchange.
The ability to express what’s in it for both parties removes the guesswork, allowing the interaction to proceed with clarity and understanding. This principle fosters an environment of collaboration rather than competition, where both sides are motivated to contribute and engage. It is not just about honesty; it’s about fostering a sense of fairness and partnership. When both parties know what’s at stake and what they stand to gain, the relationship becomes more focused, and the chances of success are greatly enhanced.
Revealing WIIFM and WIIFY up front doesn’t weaken your position; it strengthens it. It establishes trust and openness, allowing for a smoother and more productive exchange. By laying everything on the table from the start, you avoid misunderstandings and create the opportunity for a deeper, more rewarding collaboration.
Conclusion: The Art of Transparency
In conclusion, transparency is not a mere buzzword; it’s a powerful tool in our communication arsenal. By revealing both WIIFM and WIIFY upfront, we demonstrate our respect for others and make it easier for them to reciprocate our actions. In the grand tapestry of human interactions, transparency is the thread that binds us, allowing us to navigate the intricate patterns of relationships with clarity and authenticity.
So, remember the lesson of “Bare the Buried WIIFM (and WIIFY).” Whenever you suggest a meeting or request a favor, lay your cards on the table, even if the benefits on either side are minimal. In doing so, you establish yourself as a person of integrity and openness and avoid being labeled a sly fox with a hidden agenda. Transparency is the key to smoother interactions, stronger relationships, and a more fulfilling life.
This article is part of the How to Talk to Anyone Series based on Leil Lowndes’ book.