The term “emo” was coined by Helen Gurley Brown, the legendary editor of Cosmopolitan magazine. To her, “emo” was more than just an abbreviation; it was a command. It meant, “Give more emotion!” It wasn’t enough to provide mere facts; the true power of communication lay in understanding and appealing to the emotions involved. Helen, a master of her craft, knew how to create content that resonated with her audience by prioritizing emotional connection over cold, hard facts. She recognized when rational explanations should take a backseat and when raw emotion should take center stage.
“MORE EMO” – A Lesson from Helen Gurley Brown
Helen Gurley Brown, the legendary editor of Cosmopolitan magazine, understood the power of emotion in connecting with people on a deeper level. Her directive of “MORE EMO” was not just a request; it was a fundamental philosophy of communication that she applied to her editorial work. Helen’s vision was clear: facts are important, but emotions drive behavior and engagement. She wanted her content to resonate emotionally with readers, stir them, and make them feel something deep inside. For Helen, the heart of good communication wasn’t just about presenting information—it was about evoking a response.
In the case of Leil’s assignment for Cosmopolitan, she was tasked with writing an article about how young women could encourage their boyfriends to be more passionate. Naturally, Leil turned to psychology, communication, and sexology experts to gather evidence-based strategies. She collected facts, research, and professional advice to guide her piece. However, when she submitted her draft, it was marked with “MORE EMO” written across nearly every page. Puzzled, Leil asked her editor what Helen Gurley Brown meant by this cryptic note. The explanation she received was both simple and profound. Helen wanted her to shift the focus away from the technical, factual aspects of the article and delve into the emotional experience of the situation. Helen wanted the readers to feel the woman’s and her boyfriend’s emotions. How did it feel for the woman to be in a relationship where passion was lacking? What emotional turmoil did the boyfriend experience when confronted with this issue? How did both partners feel as they tried to communicate about such a delicate subject? The emphasis was on capturing and expressing the emotional depth of the situation, not just presenting rational solutions.
Helen Gurley Brown’s brilliance was rooted in her understanding of human nature. She knew that emotions were universal, that everyone could relate to the feeling of longing, frustration, connection—or the lack of it. She had the uncanny ability to transcend the mundane and get to the heart of what mattered: the human experience. By focusing on “MORE EMO,” Helen knew she was creating content that wasn’t just informative but deeply engaging and memorable. She transformed how we communicate by making emotions the centerpiece of the conversation rather than the facts.
The Importance of Smearing on the Emo
Smearing on the emo is about more than just throwing in a bit of emotion here and there. It’s about truly understanding the emotional landscape of a situation and acknowledging it as a primary force in how people engage with the world around them. While logic, reasoning, and facts are essential to communication, they often fail to break through when emotions are at play. Whether in a personal conversation, a customer service interaction, or even a professional setting, connecting with someone emotionally can bridge gaps that reason alone cannot.
The power of emotions in communication lies in their ability to create immediate resonance. People’s feelings influence their perceptions, decisions, and reactions far more than facts alone. For instance, imagine trying to resolve a conflict with a friend or colleague by focusing solely on the facts of the situation. You might present logical arguments or point to evidence, but if the other person is emotionally charged, your reasoning will likely fall flat. They’re not interested in facts; they’re overwhelmed by the emotions surrounding the issue. In such cases, acknowledging and responding to those emotions is the first step toward resolution.
In customer service, this is particularly important. A dissatisfied customer may be upset because of a product failure or a service mishap. However, focusing only on explaining the problem’s technical reasons might worsen the situation. Instead, a much more effective approach is first to acknowledge the emotions involved. When customers are upset, they don’t just want to hear about the facts of the situation—they want to feel heard and understood. By smearing on the emo, you acknowledge their emotional experience, creating an environment where they’re more likely to listen to the solution. Emotional connection fosters trust and cooperation, paving the way for resolution.
How Emo Can Fix a Problem
The true power of “smearing on the emo” became clear during a customer service interaction with L.L. Bean. My friend Phil had recently purchased a pair of navy blue dress trousers for a date. On the night he wore them for the first time, disaster struck: while bending over to pick up his date’s dropped evening bag, the trousers split right down the seam, exposing his backside to the entire restaurant. To make matters worse, he was stuck in a booth with a tear that made it impossible to move without drawing even more attention. This was not just a clothing malfunction; it was an emotional crisis. Phil felt humiliated, embarrassed, and self-conscious. The anxiety of his wardrobe mishap ruined the rest of his date.
When I heard about the incident, I was furious at L.L. Bean for providing a product that failed so catastrophically. My first instinct was to call their customer service and express my anger. I expected a rational explanation or an apology, but what I received was a response that was both surprising and effective. The customer service agent didn’t immediately launch into a defense of the product or dismiss my frustrations. Instead, she took the time to empathize with the emotional fallout from the incident. She said, “Your friend must have felt awful,” which immediately acknowledged the gravity of the situation. I agreed, feeling understood. Then, she continued, “And when you heard about it, you must have felt terrible, too, especially after you’d recommended our products so highly.” She recognized my emotional investment in the situation, and by doing so, she disarmed my anger.
By echoing the emotions involved, the agent softened my frustration and created a space for me to calm down. Rather than being consumed by the details of the rip or the inconvenience, I began to feel empathy for Phil’s experience and, by extension, for L.L. Bean as a company. The agent’s approach was a brilliant example of how “smearing on the emo” can turn a potentially negative situation into a positive one. Her empathy didn’t just dissolve my anger—it helped me feel more connected to the company, restoring my trust in their brand.
Using Emo to Build Stronger Relationships
Whether in customer service, personal relationships, or professional interactions, empathizing and responding emotionally is crucial for building trust and rapport. The “echoing emotions” technique isn’t just a tool for dissolving conflicts but an essential tool for creating lasting, meaningful relationships. When people feel emotionally supported, they are more likely to open up, trust you, and collaborate with you. This emotional connection fosters a sense of understanding far more powerful than any logical argument or set of facts.
Empathy with the other person’s emotions can strengthen your bond in personal relationships. When a friend or loved one is upset, they don’t always want a solution—they want to feel understood. You show them echoing their emotions and listening to their experience by echoing the act of emotional validation, which can make a difference in how they perceive you and how willing they are to engage in the conversation.
Empathy can strengthen working relationships in a professional setting. Whether managing a team, working with clients, or collaborating with colleagues, responding to emotions with empathy creates a more positive and productive environment. For example, a manager who takes the time to understand their employees’ emotional states will foster loyalty and trust. When people feel their emotions are recognized and valued, they are more motivated to work together toward common goals.
The Art of Echoing Emotions
Facts speak. Emotions shout. Whenever you need facts from people about an emotional situation, let them emote. Hear their facts but empathize like mad with their emotions. Smearing on the emo is often the only way to calm their emotional storm.
Technique #87 – Echo the Emo
Echoing emotions is an art form that requires attentiveness, emotional intelligence, and genuine care. It’s not about mimicking someone’s words or parroting their feelings; it’s about truly understanding the emotional context of a situation and reflecting that understanding to the other person. This technique is powerful because it shows the other person that their emotions are heard and validated.
The key to echoing emotions effectively is to listen deeply. Pay attention to the words spoken and the underlying emotional cues, which can be found in the tone of voice, body language, and even the subtle nuances of the conversation. Once you’ve identified the emotions at play, respond with empathy. This doesn’t mean you must agree with the person’s perspective but acknowledge their emotional experience as valid.
Echoing emotions is particularly effective in conflict resolution. When someone is upset, they don’t want to feel dismissed or ignored. By reflecting their emotions to them, you show that you understand where they’re coming from. This often diffuses the tension and opens the door to more constructive communication. Echoing emotions is a simple but powerful way to transform emotionally charged situations into opportunities for better connection.
Mastering the art of echoing emotions can improve every area of your life. Whether you’re communicating with a friend, a colleague, or a customer, the ability to empathize and respond emotionally will strengthen and deepen relationships. Recognizing that people are emotional beings and addressing their feelings with sincerity can foster understanding, trust, and cooperation in all your interactions.
Conclusion: The Power of Echo the Emo
In essence, Echo the Emo is a potent technique that highlights the significance of emotions in communication. When people face emotionally charged situations or seek to express their feelings, they often need an empathetic ear more than a barrage of facts. By allowing them to express their emotions and empathizing with their feelings fully, you can create a connection that transcends mere information exchange.
In the case of L.L. Bean, the customer service agent didn’t offer a detailed analysis of the pants’ manufacturing process or a lengthy apology. Instead, she acknowledged our emotional state and expressed genuine sympathy. This approach profoundly impacted how we perceived the situation and the company itself.
Remember the power of Echo the Emo, whether you’re dealing with a customer complaint, a friend sharing concerns, or any emotional interaction. Facts may speak, but emotions shout. Sometimes, all you need to do to truly connect with others is listen, empathize, and let emotions take center stage.
This article is part of the How to Talk to Anyone Series based on Leil Lowndes’ book.