Envy, the emotion often whispered about but rarely acknowledged, has an uncanny ability to distort reality. In some moments, it can feel almost impossible to avoid. But is it truly as detrimental as we think? Consider this scenario: three situations, each involving a comparison between you and those around you. Which one would irritate you the most? A) Your friends’ salaries increase while yours remains stagnant. B) Both your friends’ and your salaries stay the same. C) Your friends’ salaries have been reduced, and so has yours. If your gut reaction is to resent scenario A, you’re not alone—envy is something almost all of us feel at some point.
The Russian Tale: A Mirror of Envy
Envy often lurks in the most unexpected places, as illustrated in the Russian folktale where a farmer discovers a magic lamp and, upon rubbing it, is granted a single wish. Instead of seeking something for himself, he wishes for his neighbor’s cow’s death simply because his farm lacks the same. This wish reveals the deep-seated bitterness that arises when we feel deprived or left behind by others, especially when their success shines a spotlight on our own perceived shortcomings.
While absurd, the farmer’s desire to harm his neighbor’s cow highlights a common emotional trap: the tendency to wish misfortune on others when they have what they want. This reaction stems from envy, and we feel overlooked or less fortunate. For example, when a colleague receives a promotion or a friend purchases a luxury car, it can trigger a sense of resentment. The green-eyed monster of envy doesn’t just wish we have what others have—it often wishes that they lose what they possess. This irrational thought pattern leads to destructive behavior, such as withdrawing support, sabotaging someone’s efforts, or even feeling secretly pleased when they face a misfortune. It’s easy to recognize the absurdity of these thoughts in others, but when it’s your feelings of envy, it’s more difficult to step back and gain perspective. The core lesson of this tale is the realization that envy can drive us to take irrational actions that don’t benefit us in any way but only serve to erode our peace of mind.
Why Envy Is the Most Pointless Emotion
Envy is arguably the most counterproductive emotion, as it serves only to create dissatisfaction. Unlike other emotions—such as anger, which might propel you to take action, or sadness, which can lead to personal growth—envy rarely drives us to do anything beneficial. It is a stagnant emotion that feeds on comparisons to others and distracts from our progress. Envying someone else’s success does not lead to positive action.
Honoré de Balzac’s assertion that “envy is the most stupid of vices, for there is no single advantage to be gained from it” is a sharp reminder. When we envy another person, we lose sight of our goals and accomplishments. Instead of using emotion as fuel for self-improvement, we waste time and energy focusing on someone else’s achievements. This is the ultimate waste—of both mental energy and time. Envy does not change the external world; it only changes our internal state, often for the worse. It can cloud our judgment, make us bitter, and even diminish our satisfaction with our successes. Instead of enriching our lives, envy diminishes our ability to appreciate what we have and blinds us to the potential of what we can still achieve.
Moreover, envy often creates unnecessary friction in our relationships. It can lead to passive-aggressive behavior, resentment, and conflict. The very people we envy—our colleagues, friends, or family—may never know the full extent of our feelings, but the emotional toll it takes on us can be immense. It is a silent thief that erodes joy, contentment, and connection. By acknowledging that envy offers no advantage, we can start to let go of it and refocus on the things that truly matter—our growth, happiness, and sense of fulfillment.
What Sparks Envy?
Envy is an emotion that can be sparked by nearly anything of value to us. It could be money, beauty, talent, status, health, youth, or success—anything we feel we lack or desire more. These triggers vary from person to person, but the common thread is the belief that someone else possesses something we want. This could be as simple as a material possession, like a car or a house, or as intangible as popularity, recognition, or influence.
Envy is particularly interesting because it often results from a distorted sense of self-worth. We may feel that someone else’s success somehow diminishes our own, or we may equate their achievements with a lack of progress. The more we focus on what others have, the more we amplify our perceived inadequacies. But the truth is, what others possess doesn’t negate our potential or worth. It merely reflects their journey, not ours.
Envy is also driven by the way society values certain achievements. Popularity and wealth are often glorified, and when someone around us possesses these markers of success, it can create a sense of longing. We might envy someone’s career advancement, the ease they navigate life, or the perks they enjoy simply because they seem to possess what society deems valuable. The more we see these “successes” displayed on social media or in the media, the more we may feel disconnected from the success we imagine we should have.
This is where the comparison trap becomes particularly dangerous. We might look at a friend’s vacation photos or a colleague’s new car and feel that our lives are lacking. The key to managing envy is recognizing that these triggers are rooted in external factors that do not define our value. The more we internalize that our worth is not dependent on others’ possessions or successes, the easier it becomes to let go of envy.
The Envy Paradox: Why We Don’t Envy Just Anyone
One of the most paradoxical aspects of envy is how it tends to target those most similar to us in some way. It’s not the billionaire on the other side of the globe or a celebrity whose wealth and fame seem out of reach that we envy. Instead, it’s often people within our social or professional circles—people close to us in age, career stage, or lifestyle.
This paradox lies in the fact that we are most likely to envy the success of someone we perceive as being in direct competition with us. It’s easy to look at someone whose life seems vastly different from ours and dismiss their achievements as irrelevant or unattainable. But when it comes to more similar people—like a colleague at work or a neighbor with similar aspirations—their success feels more like a direct comparison to ours. We measure ourselves against their progress; envy often arises when we feel behind.
For instance, a writer might not envy a successful lawyer, but they might become envious of another writer who has achieved the recognition they long for. The same is true for a young entrepreneur who looks up to other startups in the same industry or a musician who feels inferior to a more successful artist. This shared sense of similarity makes their success feel more like a reflection of our shortcomings, intensifying the emotion of envy.
Aristotle’s observation that “Potters envy potters” perfectly captures this dynamic. People in the same field or social sphere are seen as direct competitors, even if they are not. The feeling of being surpassed by someone similar to us makes their success seem personal. This is why envy tends to thrive in environments where people compete professionally, socially, or even geographically.
The Price of Success: The Trap of Upward Comparison
Success often feels like a ladder we climb, but what happens when we reach a certain level of achievement only to realize that those above us are climbing even higher? This is where upward comparison—a psychological trap—comes into play. When you first achieve success, whether in your career or personal life, the thrill of reaching a new milestone feels exhilarating. You feel that you’ve finally made it. But as time passes and even more successful individuals surround you, you begin to compare your achievements to theirs.
The upward comparison trap is particularly insidious because it doesn’t just make you feel inadequate—it makes you feel like your success is meaningless. When you move into a wealthier neighborhood, your new surroundings, complete with luxury apartments and expensive restaurants, can make your success feel small. You might ask, “Am I as successful as I thought I was?” Instead of savoring your progress, you start measuring it against those who seem to have more, which leads to feelings of inadequacy.
This kind of comparison leads to a cycle of dissatisfaction. No matter how much you achieve, someone else will always have created a perpetual feeling of needing to “catch up.” This feeling is often accompanied by status anxiety—anxiety about being perceived as less successful than others. The more you focus on upward comparisons, the less you focus on your journey and appreciate your progress.
To break free from the trap of upward comparison, it’s important to recognize that success is not a zero-sum game. Just because someone else has more doesn’t mean you have less. By focusing on what you’ve achieved and what you still want to achieve, rather than constantly measuring yourself against others, you can reclaim a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment.
How to Break Free from the Grasp of Envy
Breaking free from envy requires a shift in perspective. The first and most important step is to stop comparing yourself to others. While looking around and measuring your progress against the people in your life is natural, this habit only fuels feelings of inadequacy. Instead, focus on your own journey and what you can control. Understand that your path is unique, and comparing it to someone else’s is an exercise in futility.
The second step is to find your “circle of competence.” This is where you excel, the field where you have unique skills and expertise. It doesn’t matter if this area is small or niche. What’s important is that you carve out a space where you can be the best and feel a sense of mastery. By focusing on what you do well and committing to continuous improvement, you can find a deep sense of satisfaction independent of others’ achievements.
Additionally, learning to celebrate others’ successes is another key step in overcoming envy. Rather than feeling threatened by someone else’s achievements, view them as an opportunity for learning and growth. If someone succeeds, ask yourself what you can learn from their experience. How can their journey inform your own? This shift in mindset can turn envy into admiration and drive.
Envy: An Evolutionary Remnant
Envy is not just a modern-day problem. It has deep roots in our evolutionary history. In the early days of human survival, resources were limited, and competition for those resources was fierce. If the person in the cave next door had a bigger share of food or a better shelter, it meant less for you and your family. Envy, in this context, was an adaptive response—a way to motivate individuals to strive for more and not be left behind. Envy-motivated people were more likely to secure resources, survive, and pass on their genes.
However, this evolutionary trait hinders the modern world, where resources are more abundant, and competition is less immediate. The fact that someone else has a luxurious car or a successful business no longer means we are deprived. Envy has lost its evolutionary value in today’s context. It does not serve our survival or well-being but causes unnecessary stress and dissatisfaction.
Understanding that envy is an evolutionary remnant can help us reframe it. Instead of seeing envy as a signal of personal failure, we can recognize it as an outdated response that no longer serves us in the modern world. By acknowledging its origins, we can begin to challenge the automatic reactions it triggers and choose a more productive path.
Turning Envy Into Aspiration
Rather than letting envy sabotage your well-being, turn it into a source of inspiration. When you envy someone, step back and ask yourself why their success evokes such a strong reaction. What about their achievements resonates with you? Use this information as a blueprint for your aspirations. Envy can be a powerful motivator if channeled properly.
For example, if you envy a colleague’s promotion, instead of resenting them, ask yourself what steps they took to achieve success. What skills did they develop? What habits did they cultivate? Use their achievements as inspiration and map out your path to success.
Reframing envy as a catalyst for personal growth can turn a negative emotion into a positive force. Envy doesn’t have to breed resentment—it can ignite a sense of determination and drive.
Conclusion
Envy, though an inevitable emotion that most of us experience at some point reminds us of what we value and desire. However, when left unchecked, it can lead us to irrationality and dissatisfaction. By recognizing envy for what it is—an emotion that offers no tangible benefit—we can begin to distance ourselves from its destructive grip. Rather than allowing envy to breed resentment, we can transform it into a source of motivation. Focusing on our growth, celebrating the successes of others, and finding our unique circle of competence can help us break free from the cycle of comparison. Ultimately, embracing envy as a tool for self-reflection rather than a source of misery enables us to pursue our goals with clarity and purpose. Ultimately, the journey toward success is deeply personal, and the only comparison that truly matters is the one we make with our potential.
This article is part of The Art of Thinking Clearly Series based on Rolf Dobelli’s book.