The Perils of Face-to-Face Compliments
Compliments are a delicate social currency. Giving one directly to someone’s face can often backfire. Why? Because the skeptical recipient might think you’re just buttering them up for your own ulterior motives. It’s a sad truth about compliments – offer a lavish one to your boss, a prospective client, or your significant other out of the blue, and they might raise an eyebrow, suspecting that you’re indulging in shameless, obsequious pandering to further your own interests. Your partner might even wonder if you’re trying to make amends for some misdeed.
So, what’s the solution? Should you suppress your genuine admiration and keep it to yourself? Not at all. There’s a clever way to convey your sincere esteem without triggering skepticism- introducing Grapevine Glory.
The Power of the Grapevine
The grapevine, as a means of communication, has been trusted for ages. Even Catskills comedians used to quip about its effectiveness, stating that the best ways to spread news were “telephone, telegraph, and tell-a-woman.” However, the grapevine has, more often than not, been associated with bad news, gossip, and rumors. It’s the place where negativity festers, and tales of woes are shared.
But here’s the twist – the grapevine doesn’t have to be limited to spreading negativity. It can be a conduit for positivity as well. In fact, good news and genuine compliments can travel through the grapevine just as effectively, if not more so. When these words of praise reach the recipient’s ear indirectly, they become even more delightful and heartwarming.
The Wisdom of Thomas Fuller
Back in 1732, Thomas Fuller aptly stated, “He’s my friend that speaks well of me behind my back.” This wisdom holds true even today. People are often more inclined to trust and appreciate those who say nice things about them when they’re not listening. It carries an air of authenticity that direct flattery sometimes lacks.
No-Risk Praise: Do It Behind Their Back
Now, let’s talk about practical application. Suppose you want to earn the favor of someone like Jane Smith. Instead of directly complimenting Jane, go to her close associate, let’s call her Diane Doe. Share your admiration for Jane with Diane. You might say something like, “You know, Jane is a remarkably dynamic individual. She made such a brilliant contribution during our recent meeting. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s running this company one day.”
Chances are, within twenty-four hours, your compliment will find its way back to Jane via the grapevine. Diane will undoubtedly share the praise with her friend, saying something like, “You won’t believe what so-and-so said about you the other day.”
In this scenario, you’ve turned Diane into the carrier pigeon of your compliment, letting Jane know indirectly that you admire her. But the beauty of it lies in its subtlety. Jane doesn’t see you as an overt flatterer trying to score brownie points. Instead, you leave her with the delightful fantasy that someone is singing her praises behind her back.
So, the next time you’re eager to compliment someone genuinely and without sounding like you’re brownnosing, remember the art of “Grapevine Glory.” It’s a way to let your compliments flow naturally and authentically while avoiding the pitfalls of direct flattery.