A very wise man with the funny name of Zig Ziglar once said, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care . . . about them.” These words cut straight to the heart of human interaction. At the core of any connection lies a simple truth: the secret to making people like you is showing how much you like them. This truth is not only in our relationships but also in our professional lives. Communicating our genuine care can make all the difference in making a lasting impression.
The Body Speaks Louder Than Words
Regarding communication, what you do with your body often speaks louder than your words. Our body language is an instantaneous reflection of our emotions and plays a pivotal role in connecting with others. From the subtle shift of your weight when you’re nervous to the warmth in your smile when you’re excited to see someone, your body broadcasts these signals far and wide.
Think about how often you’ve conversed with someone and immediately noticed their posture or facial expressions. You might not have heard a word they said, but their body told you everything you needed to know. Whether it’s the slouch of someone feeling insecure or a leader’s direct, confident posture, these cues are visible to anyone within sight.
Every single movement or stillness we exhibit carries meaning. When you enter a room, do you walk with your shoulders hunched, arms crossed, and head down, signaling disinterest or defensive behavior? Or do you step in with an open stance, shoulders back, and eyes ready to engage? In that first moment, your posture is working overtime, sending the most immediate signals to others about who you are and how you feel about them.
This is why body language cannot be ignored. A smile may be genuine, but if it’s paired with eyes darting around the room or a body facing away from the person you’re talking to, your words won’t land the same way. Effective communication is a harmony of verbal and non-verbal cues. If your body and words are in sync, your message is clear. If not, there’s a disconnect that could prevent a deeper connection.
The Battle of the Brain: Overthinking and Shyness
Our brains are powerful, complex organs, and when faced with a new person or situation, they go into overdrive. This is especially true when making a positive impression or establishing a connection. When we meet someone new, our brain begins a series of rapid-fire judgments, analyzing everything from their appearance to their body language. We simultaneously try to present our best selves.
Overthinking is often a natural response to uncertainty. Our minds race with thoughts like: Am I saying the right thing? Am I coming across the way I want to? Do they like me? This mental checklist can lead to self-consciousness, leaving us less present. Instead of enjoying the interaction and reacting naturally, we focus more on our perception. This can result in anxiety, awkwardness, and sometimes even self-doubt.
This heightened state of awareness often manifests physically. You might start noticing your body reacting to the pressure to perform: a tightening of the chest, a quickening of your breath, or even the subtle fidgeting of your hands. These are all physical signs that your mind is working overtime. What’s happening in your brain, then, is inevitably translating into your body language, causing you to seem uncomfortable or distant.
This is particularly dangerous in first impressions. When you overthink, your body becomes rigid, and your actions might appear forced, nervous, or insincere. This can make the other person uneasy, even if you don’t intend to. Instead of projecting warmth and openness, you inadvertently create a barrier between yourself and others.
Creating Harmony Between Thought and Action
The key to effective communication is ensuring that your thoughts, emotions, and physical actions are harmonious. You naturally align these elements when you’re at ease with someone, whether a close friend or a family member. You don’t need to think about your body language because it automatically reflects your feelings.
However, when you feel anxious or out of your comfort zone, your mind may not be as cooperative. This is where mental tricks, like the “Hello Old Friend” technique, come in handy. By shifting your internal emotional state, you can trick your body into responding more relaxed and openly.
Imagine being around someone you know well, someone with whom you share a deep connection. You might not even realize it, but your body tells them how much you care—through your posture, smile, and gestures. These reactions are natural because you’re comfortable. Now, apply that same mindset to someone new. Rather than thinking about what you should do or how you might appear, focus on feeling the same warmth and ease around a friend you trust.
This emotional shift doesn’t mean faking happiness or friendliness—it’s about acknowledging the joy you would feel seeing an old friend and allowing that to naturally influence your behavior. By bringing the warmth of a friendly reunion into the moment, you signal to your body that it’s safe to relax and respond in a way that aligns with your true feelings. The result is a genuine connection free of self-consciousness and full of ease.
The “Hello Old Friend” Technique
When meeting someone, imagine he or she is an old friend (an old customer, an old beloved, or someone else you had great affection for). How sad, the vicissitudes of life tore you two asunder. But, holy mackerel, now the party (the meeting, the convention) has reunited you with your long-lost old friend! The joyful experience starts a remarkable chain reaction in your body, from the subconscious softening of your eyebrows to the positioning of your toes—and everything in between.
Technique #6 – Hello Old Friend
The “Hello Old Friend” technique is a mental exercise that helps you adjust your body language to exude warmth and connection, even in unfamiliar or tense situations. The core idea is simple: when you meet someone new, imagine they are an old friend you’ve just reconnected with after years apart. This mental exercise allows you to tap into the joy and familiarity you would feel upon seeing someone you love and care about deeply.
The technique involves visualizing the moment you’ve long awaited: reuniting with someone who has been absent for a while. Your mind fills with excitement and gratitude, and your heart can lighten at the prospect of rekindling that bond. By allowing yourself to feel that genuine emotion, you trick your body into acting the same way it would around someone you have a long history with.
This isn’t about pretending to know the person or fabricating a backstory; it’s about embracing the positive emotions you would naturally feel if you were reuniting with a cherished friend. When you imagine this scenario, your facial expressions soften, your posture opens up, and your body language becomes more inviting and engaging. In a split second, you’ve transformed the interaction, sending a powerful signal of friendliness and openness without saying a word.
One of the reasons this technique is so effective is that it bypasses the overthinking we often do when meeting someone new. It shifts our focus from trying to impress to simply enjoying the encounter. As a result, you come across as genuine and relaxed, making the other person feel comfortable and special.
The Effect on Others: Creating an Immediate Connection
The effects of the “Hello Old Friend” technique are not just internal; they are tangible in the way others respond to you. The energy you bring into an interaction profoundly affects the atmosphere and the people around you. By imagining someone as an old friend, you instantly project warmth and openness, creating an environment where the other person feels valued and welcomed.
In practice, this technique remarkably affects how people engage with you. The transformation in the room is palpable—people will lean in, smile more sincerely, and make more eye contact. There’s a shift from the formality or stiffness of a first encounter to the warmth and ease of a familiar relationship. This dynamic creates an instant connection, even if you only meet the person for the first time.
The technique helps break down the social barriers often in initial meetings. It fosters a sense of camaraderie and friendliness that can otherwise take hours or even days to develop. As a result, the conversation becomes more engaging, and the connection becomes more authentic. You’re not just meeting someone new—you’re making them feel like an old friend, someone you have an established bond with, even if you’ve never met.
Not a Word Needs to Be Spoken
One of the most powerful aspects of the “Hello Old Friend” technique is that it transcends language. You can apply this technique in any social or cultural setting, even when you don’t share a common language. This is incredibly helpful in today’s increasingly globalized world, where encounters often occur across language barriers.
The power of body language is universal. Even if you don’t understand the words someone is saying, your actions, expressions, and energy can convey everything you need to communicate. By mentally visualizing someone as an old friend, you radiate warmth and acceptance, which speaks louder than any words could. It’s about creating an emotional connection, not relying on language to do the heavy lifting.
This technique has been particularly useful when traveling to countries where I don’t speak my native tongue. Despite not understanding the language, strangers have told me I come across as one of the friendliest people they’ve ever met. This is because my body language projects openness and familiarity. The message is clear: I’m here to connect with you, regardless of language. When you use this technique, your physical cues communicate far beyond spoken words.
The Power of a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
One of the most surprising benefits of the “Hello Old Friend” technique is its ability to create a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you treat others with warmth and kindness, it often results in them reciprocating those feelings. Research has shown that when you treat someone as if you like them, you tend to genuinely start liking them more. This psychological phenomenon is grounded in the idea that our behavior influences our emotions.
In a study by Adelphi University, volunteers were asked to treat other people as if they liked them. Not only did the subjects begin to feel more affection for the volunteers, but the volunteers also reported a greater sense of respect and liking toward those they initially had no strong feelings for. The behavior of warmth and kindness created a cycle of positivity, where the emotional investment grew on both sides.
This self-fulfilling prophecy is key to building deeper connections. When you act as though you like someone, your body language and facial expressions reflect this, creating a positive feedback loop. You begin to genuinely feel more comfortable and affectionate toward them, and they, in turn, pick up on your warmth and respond in kind. It’s a simple but powerful tool that fosters real, lasting relationships—whether in business, personal life, or social situations.
The “Hello Old Friend” technique, therefore, not only improves the immediate connection but also sets the foundation for long-term affection and respect. When you consistently act as if you like others, you’ll find that many of them will become your “old friends,” and you’ll genuinely start to like them, too.
Conclusion: The Friend You Never Knew You Had
When you walk into a room with the mindset of meeting an old friend, you bring more than just a smile or a handshake. You bring warmth, openness, and an energy that others can’t help but be drawn to. This simple technique—transforming a stranger into a familiar face in your mind—can create an immediate bond and pave the way for meaningful relationships.
In a world where we often feel disconnected or rushed, taking the time to make someone feel like an old friend can have a profound impact. Not only will you become someone people want to be around, but you’ll also discover the joy of creating genuine connections with everyone you meet.
This article is part of the How to Talk to Anyone Series based on Leil Lowndes’ book.