“A very wise man with the funny name of Zig once said, ‘People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care . . . about them.’ Zig Ziglar is right. The secret to making people like you is showing how much you like them! Your body is a twenty-four-hour broadcasting station revealing to anyone within eyeshot precisely how you feel at any given moment. Even if your Hang by Your Teeth posture is gaining their respect, your Flooding Smile and The Big-Baby Pivot are making them feel special, and your Sticky Eyes are capturing their hearts and minds, the rest of your body can reveal any incongruence. Every inch—from the crinkle of your forehead to the position of your feet—must give a command performance if you want to effectively present an ‘I care about you’ attitude.”
Mastering the Subtleties of Body Language
When it comes to connecting with others, words alone can’t do the trick. Your body language speaks volumes, conveying your feelings, intentions, and the level of comfort you experience in a given situation. Whether you are aware of it or not, your body is a 24/7 broadcasting station, relaying your emotional state to anyone who cares to observe.
Intriguingly, even when you’ve mastered techniques like the “Hang by Your Teeth” posture, the “Flooding Smile,” “The Big-Baby Pivot,” and “Sticky Eyes,” your body may still betray you if there’s incongruence between your external expressions and your true feelings. To create a seamless connection and communicate that you genuinely care about someone, every part of your body, from your forehead to your feet, must work in harmony.
The Overthinking Brain: A Barrier to Authentic Connection
Our brains, particularly in social situations, often go into overdrive. Just like Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar warned about Cassius, “he thinks too much,” our brains become lean and hungry when interacting with new acquaintances. We may battle shyness or anxiously size up the situation, which hinders us from responding with authentic, unselfconscious warmth.
In these moments, our bodies can inadvertently shoot off mixed signals, revealing shyness or hidden hostility. Such incongruence can jeopardize budding friendships, potential romances, or even business interactions. To ensure that our body language remains true to our intentions, we need a technique that tricks our bodies into reacting perfectly.
The Pinnacle of Natural Expressiveness: Reuniting with Old Friends
Interestingly, the only time we don’t need to worry about incongruence in our body language is when we genuinely feel none. This occurs when we are with close friends, loved ones, or people with whom we feel entirely at ease. In those moments, we respond with warmth and sincerity without conscious thought. Our expressions become natural, our body language inviting, and our demeanor friendly.
To harness this natural expressiveness and bring it into every interaction, we can use a visualization technique known as “Hello Old Friend.” This technique ensures that everyone you encounter feels your genuine warmth, even if your feelings toward them are not as intimate as they might be for a close friend.
The “Hello Old Friend” Technique: Radiating Warmth and Friendliness
Imagine the person you’re meeting as an old friend whom you had a close, warm relationship with years ago but lost touch with. Visualize the delight of rediscovery as you meet this long-lost friend again. Although you won’t express this sentiment overtly, internally, you’ll feel as if you’ve just been reunited with a dear companion.
The remarkable aspect of this technique is how it transforms your demeanor. Your face lights up with the delight of rediscovery, and your body language exudes congeniality. It’s as if you’re a light beaming on the other person or a dog wagging its tail in joy. In essence, you make the new acquaintance feel remarkably special.
The Universal Language of “Hello Old Friend”
This technique transcends language barriers, making it invaluable when traveling or engaging with people who speak a different tongue. When in a foreign country and unable to communicate verbally, simply imagine everyone as your long-lost friends who temporarily forgot how to speak English. Your body language will still convey congeniality and acceptance, forging connections without words.
I’ve personally employed the “Hello Old Friend” technique while traveling in Europe, leaving a lasting impression of friendliness even without shared language. This technique’s power lies in its ability to convey warmth and openness universally.
A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: Like Begets Like
An unexpected benefit of the “Hello Old Friend” technique is its self-fulfilling nature. When you act as though you genuinely like someone, you gradually develop genuine feelings of fondness toward them. Research from Adelphi University confirms that believing you like someone and treating them accordingly leads to real affection.
In essence, the warmth you project through this technique fosters warmth in return. Love begets love, like begets like, and respect begets respect. By consistently applying the “Hello Old Friend” technique, you’ll find yourself surrounded by new “old friends” who genuinely like you.
You now have a potent tool in your social arsenal to make others like you instantly. However, our journey is far from over. To make a lasting impression, we still need to establish credibility, intelligence, and self-assuredness. The next three techniques will help you achieve each of these goals. Stay tuned for more insights into mastering the art of likability and influence.