In business, communication is everything, and sometimes the smallest details can make the biggest impact. One such detail, often overlooked, is how we approach gatekeepers—the secretaries, receptionists, and assistants who hold the keys to reaching decision-makers. Whether you’re trying to speak with a busy executive or gain access to important information, knowing how to bypass these barriers with finesse can be a game-changer. Inspired by an unexpected source—Manhattan’s notoriously scarce public restrooms—a clever technique can help you easily bypass gatekeepers. It’s a tactic that hinges on confidence, subtlety, and familiarity, and it’s called “The Ho-Hum Caper.”
An Unlikely Source of Inspiration
The Ho-Hum Caper may seem unconventional, but its roots lie in everyday experiences. Imagine finding yourself in the bustling heart of mid-Manhattan, a city known for its cosmopolitan aura yet strangely deficient in one aspect—public restrooms. Unlike some European cities with charming, freely accessible facilities on street corners, Manhattan is notorious for lacking public toilets.
Now, picture yourself on a busy day making sales calls in this city, where even the most basic necessity, a restroom break, becomes an unexpected challenge. Coffee shop cashiers, seemingly acting as restroom gatekeepers, jealously guard these facilities. To make matters worse, some cafes flaunt ominous signs in their windows, bearing the stern message, “Bathrooms are for customers only.”
The Ho-Hum Caper: A Masterstroke of Nonchalance
Instead of using your party’s name, casually let the pronoun he or she roll off your tongue. Forget “Uh, may I speak to Ms. Bigshot please?” Just announce “Hi, Bob Smith here, is she in?” Tossing the familiar she off your tongue signals to the secretary that you and her boss are old buddies.
Technique #68 – The Ho-Hum Caper
The Ho-Hum Caper is rooted in the idea of blending in. Think about it: when walking into a coffee shop or making a phone call to a secretary, you’re essentially entering a space where you don’t belong. The challenge lies in gaining access without drawing unnecessary attention to yourself. The key to this technique is nonchalance. It’s not about sneaking around or being devious but rather adopting an air of “business as usual,” making your actions appear so natural and ordinary that no one gives them a second thought.
This is especially important in environments like Manhattan, where everyone is always on the move. New Yorkers, especially in mid-Manhattan, are accustomed to the hustle and bustle. The trick to bypassing a gatekeeper, whether a bathroom attendant or a receptionist, is to act like you’re not out of place. The casual approach exudes an effortless confidence that signals to others that you’re not trying to gain something you don’t deserve—you’re there to carry out a normal task. This casual nature, combined with an underlying assumption that you belong, lets you slip through unnoticed.
The power of this technique lies in its simplicity. The less you act like you’re doing something out of the ordinary, the less likely someone will question your presence or purpose. The casualness of the act, whether walking into a coffee shop or picking up the phone to speak with someone’s assistant, reduces resistance. By not standing out, you can gain access in a way that feels organic rather than forced.
The Ho-Hum Caper: A Telephone Technique
When translating this technique into phone calls, the essence of the Ho-Hum Caper remains the same. Over the years, one of the most formidable barriers in business communication has been the gatekeeper—usually a secretary, assistant, or receptionist. Their job is to protect the person you’re trying to reach from distractions, interruptions, or unnecessary phone calls. When dealing with gatekeepers, the traditional approach is to ask directly for the person you wish to speak with. However, this formal request immediately sets up a power dynamic where the gatekeeper must approve you, the caller.
By using the Ho-Hum Caper, you shift that dynamic in your favor. Instead of directly asking for the person by name, you make the call sound casual. Instead of saying, “May I speak to Mr. X, please?” which could prompt the secretary to check if you have an appointment or relationship with that person, you ask, “Is he in?” or “Is she available?” The beauty of this is that it doesn’t sound like a request—it sounds like a routine check-in. It’s as if you’ve called a thousand times before, and the gatekeeper has no reason to question it.
This approach’s genius is bypassing the formalities that often complicate business calls. Not making an explicit request creates a space where the gatekeeper feels less obligated to scrutinize your intentions. They’ll think, “Oh, this person must be a regular,” because you haven’t made any demands, they’re less likely to turn you down. This approach works because it assumes that the gatekeeper already understands your relationship with the person you’re calling, which lowers their defenses and makes it easier for you to gain access.
The Power of the Pronoun
Pronouns are an incredibly powerful tool in language, often underestimated for their weight in shaping perceptions. In business communication, using pronouns such as “he” or “she” when referring to someone you wish to speak with does something subtle yet profound. It immediately signals that you are not a stranger. When you use a pronoun, you remove formality and replace it with a more personal, conversational tone. The gatekeepers don’t feel like they’re dealing with an unknown caller asking for a specific person; instead, they feel like they’re hearing from a regular, someone casually checking in.
For example, saying, “Is Mr. X in?” immediately suggests that you’ve called this person before and are familiar with them. If you had used “Mr. X” rather than the pronoun, it would have set off a more formal protocol. The secretary would likely need to ask for more information, such as your call’s reason or identity. But by saying, “Is he in?” you give the impression that this is just another routine check, just another name in the daily rhythm of things.
This approach is especially effective because it short-circuits the gatekeeper’s instinct to scrutinize the call. When they hear a name, they must verify whether that person belongs in the office. But when they hear a pronoun, there’s an implicit assumption of familiarity, instantly making the exchange natural. It’s an invitation to relax the usual protocols and let the call proceed without the usual questions.
The power of the pronoun is that it bypasses all of the unnecessary formalities that usually follow a request for a name. Using it makes the exchange feel less like a transaction and more like a casual conversation, one that the gatekeeper has no reason to interrupt.
The Subtle Art of Being Familiar
One of the most important elements of the Ho-Hum Caper is its reliance on the subtle art of familiarity. The strategy hinges on making the situation feel like you’ve been here before—like you’re a regular. When you use the Ho-Hum Caper in a phone call, you’re not trying to create an illusion of closeness but instead signaling that your interaction with the person you want to reach is natural and established.
The reason familiarity works so well in this context is that it taps into a basic human psychological principle: we are naturally inclined to trust and be comfortable with people we know. This familiarity reduces any discomfort or hesitation from the gatekeeper. If a secretary believes that you’ve spoken to the person you want to reach in the past, they’re more likely to assume you have legitimate business with them. As a result, they’re more inclined to let the call go through.
But familiarity is not something you can fake. It must come across as genuine, even though it is not necessarily based on a deep relationship. It’s about presenting yourself in a way that feels unforced. When you make the phone call, you should sound calm, comfortable, and sure of yourself, as if this is just another regular part of your day. It’s about adopting a tone that communicates this interaction is routine—nothing new, nothing special.
However, there’s a fine line to walk. If you make the call sound too casual, it could come off as insincere or flippant. The key is balance—sounding familiar enough to indicate you belong without overselling it. You don’t want to sound like you’re trying to force familiarity where it doesn’t exist. Instead, your goal should be to create the perception of familiarity without needing to back it up with too much information. The balance between familiarity and professionalism is what makes this technique so effective.
Avoiding the Pitfalls
Like any technique, the Ho-Hum Caper works best when applied at the right time and with the right amount of tact. The first pitfall to avoid is being too casual or sounding overly familiar. If your tone is too informal, you risk coming across as unprofessional, which could raise suspicion or irritate the gatekeeper. The Ho-Hum Caper relies on the illusion of casualness, but that doesn’t mean you should abandon professionalism entirely. A confident, comfortable tone is important, but it should always stay within the bounds of respect.
Timing is another critical factor. As I waited for the cashier to be distracted before entering the coffee shop, I realized that you should know the gatekeeper’s schedule and mood. If they’re busy or distracted, your technique may be less effective. Conversely, they might let you slip through unnoticed if they are in a good mood and less focused on their job. Understanding when to use this technique is vital. It’s not a one-size-fits-all solution but requires a nuanced approach based on the context of the conversation.
Finally, the Ho-Hum Caper should be used sparingly. It will eventually lose effectiveness if you rely on this technique for every call. The secretary will catch on, and what once seemed like a confident check-in may start to feel like an intrusion. You should only use this technique when you’re confident it’s the best strategy to employ and when you can balance it with legitimate interactions. Consistency is key, but too much repetition can make the technique lose its charm.
By being mindful of when and how you use the Ho-Hum Caper, you can maintain its effectiveness and avoid the pitfalls that might make the strategy stale. It’s about using the technique at the right moment and in the right way to achieve the best results without raising suspicions.
Conclusion
The Ho-Hum Caper is a masterstroke of subtlety that works because it doesn’t try to force an outcome—it simply assumes one. Adopting a casual, familiar approach creates a space where gatekeepers are less likely to block your path, allowing you to reach the person you need easily. Whether navigating New York’s bustling streets or making a business call, the principle remains: confidence, familiarity, and psychological savvy can help you get where you need to go. So, next time you’re faced with a gatekeeper, try channeling your inner New Yorker—nonchalant, calm, and always business as usual.
This article is part of the How to Talk to Anyone Series based on Leil Lowndes’ book.