In a world filled with countless choices and possibilities, many of us struggle with the inability to close doors. Whether it’s an ever-growing stack of books by our bedside or unresolved romantic relationships, the fear of missing out or the desire to keep all options open often hinders our progress. This article explores the psychological reasons behind our reluctance to close doors, the detrimental effects, and the importance of embracing selective decision-making.
The Pile of Unfinished Books
The stack of books next to my bed represents more than just an accumulation of paper and ink; it’s a physical manifestation of the many possibilities we constantly wrestle with. Each book represents a new world, a different perspective, or a piece of knowledge that could change the course of my thinking. The allure of these unread books lies not in their actual content but in the potential insights they may hold. In many ways, these books mirror the opportunities that appear in life—each one promising a new direction, a new possibility, or an exciting adventure.
But as the pile grows, it becomes clear that simply collecting these books isn’t enough. I’ve dipped into them here and there, read snippets, highlighted sections that seemed profound, and bookmarked pages that I promised myself I’d return to. However, I’m left with only fragments of understanding without fully committing to any single book. In its incompleteness, each book becomes a metaphor for a life of indecision—one where possibilities are hoarded, but none are fully explored.
The real issue lies in the refusal to close the door on any of these books. Each one represents a potential avenue, and I hesitate to give up the chance of uncovering something profound within its pages. Yet, in holding onto them, I limit my ability to focus on one work, to truly understand its depth, and to gain the wisdom that might lie within. It’s the same with life’s choices. When we keep every option open, whether a career, a relationship, or a personal goal, we end up scattered, unable to commit to any one path with full dedication. This constant juggling prevents us from gaining insight or depth in any area.
The solution, ironically, maybe in the act of closing doors. In the context of these books, that would mean setting aside some of them acknowledging that not every possibility needs to be pursued. When I commit to reading one book from start to finish, it’s only then that I can extract its full value. This concept applies to every part of life: to achieve real growth, we must learn to make choices and close doors to other options to truly focus and move forward.
The Man Who Cannot Choose
Indecision is perhaps most clearly illustrated in relationships, where the inability to close doors can prevent the formation of genuine connections. I know a man dating three women, all of whom he loves in different ways. With each woman, he envisions a different future—one could be the mother of his children, another his travel companion, and the third his intellectual partner. Each relationship feels like a possible path, a different life. But his fear of making the wrong choice keeps him in constant limbo.
Refusing to close the door on any of these relationships, he paradoxically prevents them from truly developing. He can’t commit to any one woman because he is terrified of losing the possibility of a future with the others. The relationships remain shallow because he is spread too thin and unable to invest fully in any one connection. The result is that none of these women can ever become more than just a potential partner—they remain unrealized possibilities, never moving beyond the superficial level of dating.
This situation is not unique to romantic relationships; it mirrors our behavior in many other aspects of life. The fear of choosing one option over another—whether it’s a job, a location to live, or a passion to pursue—often leaves us paralyzed. We avoid committing because we fear closing one door means missing out on something better. In doing so, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to fully invest in any choice. This indecision leads to a lack of progress and fulfillment, as we cannot fully experience or grow in our relationships or endeavors.
Ultimately, the lesson is that true connection, success, and fulfillment require us to choose. We must close doors to some possibilities to open the door to deeper engagement and growth in others. By focusing on one path, one person, or one goal, we create the space necessary for something meaningful to develop.
The Strategic Genius of Xiang Yu and Cortés
Closing doors becomes a strategic advantage in moments of crisis or pivotal decision-making. Two historical figures who demonstrated this principle in its most extreme form are General Xiang Yu and Hernán Cortés. Both understood that to succeed, it was essential to eliminate options that could distract from the primary objective.
In 202 B.C., General Xiang Yu faced the monumental task of confronting the Qin Dynasty, a formidable enemy threatening to dominate China. Xiang Yu made a bold and decisive move as his army prepared to cross the Yangtze River. He ordered all the ships to be set on fire, leaving his troops with no option of retreat. The message was clear: they had no choice but to fight. Victory or death. Destroying their ships removed the possibility of escape and forced the soldiers to focus entirely on the battle ahead. This tactic, though extreme, pushed his men to rally behind a singular cause, knowing that the only way forward was through victory.
Similarly, in 1519, Hernán Cortés used the same strategy upon arriving in Mexico. Rather than allowing his men the option of retreating to Spain, Cortés sank his ships, making it impossible for his troops to return home. With no escape route, they were forced to commit fully to their mission of conquest. Closing doors bolstered their resolve and created a clear focus for the soldiers: they had no choice but to succeed in their mission or face certain failures.
While these historical examples may seem extreme, they highlight an important lesson. Closing doors—in this case, eliminating options of retreat or failure—forces us to focus. When we remove distractions and limit our choices, we create the mental and emotional space to dedicate ourselves fully to one action. This focus can lead to breakthroughs and successes that might have seemed unattainable when multiple options remained open.
The Psychology Behind Our Fear of Closing Doors
Our reluctance to close doors is rooted in deep psychological mechanisms that are often irrational and counterproductive. Psychologists Dan Ariely and Jiwoong Shin explored this phenomenon through a simple computer game experiment. Players were presented with three doors, each offering a different reward, and they were tasked with choosing one to maximize their points. The players initially acted logically, picking the door with the highest reward and sticking with it. However, when the game’s rules changed, and the doors started shrinking, if not opened, the players became frantic. They rushed from door to door, trying to keep all options available, which ultimately led to a decrease in their points. The scramble to keep every door open caused them to act inefficiently, reducing their overall success.
This behavior can be explained by a cognitive bias known as “loss aversion.” Humans are wired to fear losing out on opportunities, even if keeping multiple doors open doesn’t result in a tangible gain. The fear of making the wrong choice or missing out on a potential reward can lead us to waste time and energy on options that ultimately don’t serve us. The more options we keep open, the more our mental resources are divided, leading to decision fatigue and the inability to focus on what truly matters.
The problem is compounded by the fact that the costs of keeping doors open are often invisible. Unlike financial markets, where the price of an option is clear, in life, the costs are intangible. Every decision, every door left ajar, requires mental energy. The constant weighing of options, the fear of closing a door and missing out, saps our attention and focus. This hidden cost is often underestimated, but it profoundly impacts our ability to make meaningful progress.
The Illusion of Free Options
Many people believe that keeping doors open is free and that no cost is associated with maintaining multiple possibilities. In reality, this belief is a dangerous misconception. In life and business, we often see options as free resources—things we can choose without consequence. However, every open door comes with a price, even if that price is not immediately apparent.
In business, this is often seen in companies that try to serve every possible customer segment, believing that they can maximize their reach and profits by keeping all options available. However, this approach often leads to failure. When companies spread themselves too thin, trying to cater to every market, they lose their focus and fail to effectively meet the needs of any one group. They become jacks of all trades, masters of none.
The same principle applies to personal life. Whether pursuing multiple career paths, maintaining several relationships, or juggling various hobbies, keeping all options open can lead to inefficiency and burnout. The mental energy required to keep multiple doors open and to weigh every new opportunity against every other leads to stress and decision fatigue. This constant state of flux prevents us from committing to any one thing with full attention and dedication.
Acknowledging that no option is truly free can help us understand the hidden costs of indecision. The true price of keeping doors open is time, focus, and mental energy—finite resources that cannot be endlessly stretched across multiple possibilities.
The Perils of Keeping All Doors Open
One of the most common pitfalls leading to stagnation is the fear of closing doors and missing out on something better. Whether in business, personal relationships, or careers, the obsession with keeping every option open prevents us from making decisive choices. The result is a life filled with unfulfilled potential.
This often manifests in companies that try to address every customer segment, offering a broad range of products and services without any clear focus. The outcome is typically disastrous, as the company fails to carve out a niche and cannot effectively compete with businesses focusing on a specific target market.
Similarly, trying to keep every door open in our personal lives dilutes our energy and focus. We become overwhelmed with choices, constantly moving from one option to the next without fully engaging with them. This scattered approach leads to a lack of depth, and we achieve little.
The solution is to embrace a strategy of exclusion. Just as businesses define what they will not pursue, we must also define what we will not engage in. This requires courage, clarity, and the ability to say no. By narrowing our focus and closing doors to certain possibilities, we free ourselves to pursue what truly matters. This is not about being rigid or close-minded; it’s about making intentional choices that align with our values and goals.
The Power of Closing Doors
Closing doors is not about limiting yourself—it’s about freeing yourself to pursue what truly matters. When we close doors, we eliminate distractions, and our focus becomes sharper. This principle applies across every area of life, from business to personal growth. Committing to a single goal, relationship, or project gives us the space and mental energy to excel.
In business, this might mean focusing on a single product line or market segment rejecting opportunities that do not align with your core mission. It might mean committing to one passion or relationship, knowing that true fulfillment comes from deep engagement, not constant exploration.
The key is establishing a “not-to-pursue” list—a clear set of criteria that helps you evaluate new opportunities. When a new door appears, test it against your list. Don’t waste time contemplating it if it doesn’t align with your goals or values. Closing doors is a liberating act that simplifies decision-making, reduces mental clutter, and allows for deeper focus and achievement. By consciously deciding what not to pursue, you can create a life and career that is intentional, purposeful, and deeply rewarding.
Conclusion
The inability to close doors can be a hindrance to personal and professional growth. While the allure of open possibilities is tempting, it often leads to scattered efforts, diluted focus, and missed opportunities. By recognizing the hidden costs of maintaining numerous options, we can embrace selective decision-making and proactively choose what not to pursue. This approach allows us to save time and mental energy, enabling us to make meaningful progress and achieve true success. Remember, not all doors are worth opening; by closing some of them, we open ourselves to a world of focused possibilities.
This article is part of The Art of Thinking Clearly Series based on Rolf Dobelli’s book.