Praise is a powerful tool, yet many struggle to wield it effectively. Whether it’s a colleague, a friend, or a loved one, offering the right compliment at the right time can transform a person’s day, build confidence, and strengthen relationships. But how do you know when to give praise? And what if the performance wasn’t perfect? Timing, empathy, and the right choice of words can turn a simple compliment into a meaningful exchange. In this article, we’ll explore the art of praise and how mastering its timing can make all the difference in boosting morale, encouraging growth, and creating stronger connections.
Quick as a Hiccup, You Must Compliment NOW
Quick as a blink, you must praise people the moment they finish a feat. In a wink, like a knee-jerk reaction, say, “You were terrific!” Don’t worry that they won’t believe you. The euphoria of the moment has a strangely numbing effect on the achiever’s objective judgment.
Technique #57 – The Knee-Jerk “Wow!”
The timing of a compliment can make or break its effectiveness. When the individual is still basking in the excitement or euphoria of their success, offering praise at the right moment maximizes its impact. It’s important to understand that praise is more than just a polite response to someone’s success—it reinforces their efforts, acknowledges their achievements, and creates a moment of connection that shows you see their hard work and growth.
Imagine a colleague closing a major business deal. The deal is done, the handshake has been made, and the deal-breaker emails have been sent. Now, the person walks out of the boardroom, still energized by the victory, their body language full of pride and enthusiasm. This is the moment when your compliment should come, not a few minutes later or, worse, an hour later. By waiting, the emotional charge of the victory begins to fade, and the sense of accomplishment starts to dwindle.
The moment of success is fleeting, and that’s exactly why you must capitalize on it. A well-timed compliment does more than just acknowledge their achievement—it helps solidify their positive feelings about the accomplishment. The more immediate and spontaneous the praise, the more sincere and impactful it will feel. Your words act like a mirror, reflecting the significance of their actions and amplifying their sense of achievement.
The psychological power of real-time praise lies in reinforcing the emotional high that follows success. This can be compared to how an athlete feels after completing a race or a competition. The adrenalin of the moment is still coursing through their veins, and a compliment at that moment becomes part of their emotional reward. The longer you wait, the more that emotional high diminishes, and with it, the power of your words.
Furthermore, immediately offering praise reinforces the idea that you are present and paying attention. People often seek validation from their achievements and others who witness those achievements. Your immediate response tells them, “I saw what you did, and it was great.” This small recognition can strengthen your relationship with the individual, making them feel valued, heard, and appreciated.
This principle applies to both large and small victories. Whether someone has just delivered an outstanding presentation at a business conference or simply cooked a delicious meal, their need for acknowledgment remains the same. A simple “That was fantastic!” can be as powerful after a small achievement as a major one.
But What If They are Really Bombed?
Offering praise when someone has failed—or performed far below their expectations—can feel uncomfortable. It might feel disingenuous like you are pretending they did well when it was clear they didn’t. But the truth is, praise in these situations can be more important than in those moments when the individual does succeed. How you offer praise in the aftermath of failure or imperfection can impact the person’s confidence and motivation.
We often assume that compliments must be tied to actual success. However, some of the most important compliments focus on effort, courage, and perseverance. When someone fails, their self-esteem can suffer. The emotional toll of not succeeding can be discouraging and may lead to self-doubt. This is when your role becomes even more crucial. You are not praising the result but rather the bravery it took to try in the first place.
Let’s say a colleague delivers a presentation that falters—perhaps they’re nervous, the technology fails, or they simply lose their train of thought. Instead of focusing on the content of their speech, offer praise that highlights their effort and willingness to step up and speak in front of others. You could say, “I admire how you stood up there and gave it your best. It takes a lot of guts to do what you just did.” This comment doesn’t ignore the failure but acknowledges their courage to try, which can be incredibly empowering.
Why is this necessary? People who fail often internalize that failure, seeing it as a reflection of their abilities. They might conclude that they are not good enough, that they will never succeed, or that they aren’t capable of performing at a high level. A well-timed compliment helps counter these negative thoughts, reminding them that the effort, not the outcome, matters. This creates a safe space for growth and improvement. In the long run, it makes them more likely to try again, take risks, and continue to improve.
Critically, this approach is not about lying or being disingenuous. It’s about shifting the focus from the failure itself to the learning process. No one expects perfection every time, but everyone can appreciate the effort. So even when the outcome is subpar, your words should emphasize the positive aspects of their performance. It’s about ensuring they don’t leave the experience feeling discouraged and defeated but rather motivated to try again.
The Euphoria of the Moment
When someone achieves something significant—completing a project, receiving an award, or performing in front of an audience—they experience a rush of emotions. An undeniable glow comes from knowing you’ve done something well. This emotional euphoria can create a temporary cloud over judgment, making them feel like they’ve done more than they have. But, during this high, your praise has the potential to amplify their joy and solidify their feelings of success.
The effect of euphoria on our judgment can be likened to a high that distorts our perception, albeit positively. When someone has just succeeded, their mind tends to inflate their perception of the event. They feel elated but may not fully understand how they’ve succeeded or what worked well. They’re simply caught up in the emotional rush. This emotional state is crucial because it creates the perfect environment for your praise to land effectively.
This is why praising someone immediately after their achievement is so powerful. When they are on that emotional high, they are far more likely to absorb your compliment as genuine and impactful. Whether their performance was flawless or had flaws, they are not likely to scrutinize it too deeply at that moment. Their emotional state, a combination of relief, happiness, and pride, makes them more receptive to your praise.
For example, imagine someone just giving a speech in front of a large audience. Their heart is still racing; they’re relieved the speech is over and feel an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. That is when your praise will resonate most. Telling them, “You were incredible! That was an outstanding presentation!” will feel like the cherry on top of their emotional experience.
The beauty of this moment is that they likely won’t question whether their performance was perfect. They’re too caught up in the glow of their success to be self-critical. This emotional state makes the compliment more impactful because it aligns perfectly with how they feel now. When the euphoria fades and they look back at their performance later, they may have a more rational perspective. However, your praise in that instant helps to solidify their belief in their abilities, and even if they later recognize imperfections, they will appreciate the encouragement you gave them when they needed it most.
The Reciprocal Power of Compliments
The ability to give compliments is only part of the equation. Equally important is the ability to accept compliments with grace. Too often, people deflect compliments, downplay their achievements, or even refuse to accept praise altogether. This can hurt relationships and personal self-esteem, as it signals to others that you don’t value or appreciate their recognition of your efforts.
Graciously accepting compliments is an essential social skill. It shows confidence, humility, and self-assurance. When you receive a compliment, the right response is to acknowledge it with gratitude rather than dismiss it. This allows the person who complimented you to feel appreciated, creating a cycle of positive reinforcement that strengthens the relationship between both parties.
For example, if a colleague compliments you on a well-executed project, respond with, “Thank you. I appreciate that. I worked hard on it. ” This acknowledges their praise and validates the effort you put in. It reinforces both your self-worth and the appreciation of the person complimenting you. This exchange fosters trust, respect, and an overall positive dynamic in professional or personal relationships.
When you deflect compliments, you subtly dismiss the person’s opinion as if their recognition doesn’t matter. This may make the person giving the compliment feel unappreciated or discourage them from offering future praise. Instead, receiving a compliment with a simple “thank you” and a smile shows that you value the acknowledgment and the relationship. It invites open communication and reinforces that positive reinforcement is welcome and appreciated.
Moreover, gracefully accepting compliments reflects your emotional intelligence. It demonstrates self-respect and maturity, acknowledging that it is okay to be recognized for your achievements without feeling self-conscious or embarrassed. Just as offering compliments builds rapport, receiving them gracefully does the same. It shows that you understand the importance of these exchanges and the power of mutual respect.
The reciprocity of compliments helps establish a positive environment in any setting—workplace, social gatherings, or personal relationships. It makes people feel seen, heard, and respected, fostering a culture of encouragement, collaboration, and support. By practicing the art of giving and receiving compliments, you build a stronger, more connected community where everyone feels empowered to excel and grow.
Conclusion
The impact of praise lies not just in what we say but when we say it. Whether someone is basking in the glow of success or recovering from a setback, timely and thoughtful compliments can build their confidence and foster a sense of belonging. Mastering the art of giving praise at the right moment enhances relationships, promotes growth, and contributes to a more positive environment. Next time you witness an achievement—big or small—remember that the power of your praise can uplift and inspire, leaving a lasting impact that goes far beyond the words themselves.
This article is part of the How to Talk to Anyone Series based on Leil Lowndes’ book.