In a world that often emphasizes conformity to societal expectations, the pressure to adhere to established norms can be overwhelming. The concept of marriage and parenthood is frequently presented as a predetermined destiny, leaving little room for questioning their validity.
However, what if an individual decides to break free from these expectations? In this comprehensive exploration, we will delve into the discourse surrounding the choices of marriage, children, and societal conformity. We will begin by using Dr. Jordan Peterson’s contentious remarks as a starting point to initiate a thoughtful dialogue.
Throughout this article, we will critically examine the arguments both for and against these conventions, and delve into the alluring concept of living life authentically, irrespective of societal expectations.
The “Should Haves” of Life
The societal “should haves” are deeply embedded in our collective psyche. From an early age, we are taught that there is a prescribed way to live, a formula that will guarantee happiness and success. These milestones—graduating from school, finding a stable job, marrying, having children, owning a house—are almost universally celebrated, and those who don’t meet these markers are often viewed with suspicion or pity. It’s easy to get swept up in this societal narrative because it’s presented as a universal truth, one that promises fulfillment and stability. But is it really the only path to a meaningful life?
Take, for example, the decision to have children. Dr. Jordan Peterson, in his critiques of those who choose to remain childless, argues that choosing not to have children is delusional or immature. He frames the act of reproduction as an obligation rooted in the long chain of our evolutionary history, claiming that to reject this is to go against the grain of human existence itself. But what he fails to recognize is that not everyone’s life needs to conform to the same structure. History is full of influential figures who chose not to have children—Isaac Newton, for example, never had children, nor did Ludwig van Beethoven or Jane Austen. Were they wrong for prioritizing their intellectual or artistic pursuits over parenthood? Would their contributions to science and literature have been diminished if they had followed societal norms? Of course not.
The point is that what’s considered “normal” or “right” in society doesn’t necessarily equate to a fulfilling life for every individual. These “should haves” are often based on unspoken assumptions, many of which are outdated or irrelevant in today’s world. The idea that we “should” do certain things in life, from getting married to having children, is a narrative that many people have been conditioned to accept without question. Challenging these norms isn’t about rejecting societal expectations outright; it’s about understanding that these “should haves” may not work for everyone, and they may not be the keys to a fulfilling life for all.
Social Norms: The Invisible Hand Shaping Our Lives
Social norms are powerful and pervasive forces that influence nearly every aspect of our lives. They are the invisible rules that govern our behavior, shaping everything from how we interact with others to the decisions we make about our personal lives. We learn these norms from the moment we’re born—first from our families, then from schools, communities, and the broader culture. These expectations are so deeply ingrained that we often accept them as natural, unquestioned truths.
For example, marriage and parenthood are two of the most deeply ingrained social norms in many cultures. From a young age, people are taught that these are milestones that must be achieved to live a full and successful life. If someone chooses to remain single or childless, they may be viewed with suspicion or labeled as “selfish,” “immature,” or “unfulfilled.” There’s an assumption that not having children or not marrying means you’ve missed the boat, or you’re somehow incomplete. The pressure to conform to these norms can feel overwhelming, and those who don’t follow them often find themselves marginalized, made to feel as though they’ve failed in some fundamental way.
But why are these norms so powerful? It’s because they’re not just cultural expectations—they’re rooted in deep, often unconscious beliefs about what it means to live a good life. We are conditioned to believe that marriage and children are the natural outcomes of a life well-lived. They’re seen as the logical conclusion of growing up, as the ultimate forms of achievement and happiness. Yet, if we examine these norms more closely, we find that they are based on assumptions, not universal truths. The idea that everyone must marry and have children to lead a fulfilling life is just one example of how societal norms can shape our decisions. But just because something is culturally expected doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone.
In many societies, there are individuals who have chosen to break away from these norms and live outside the box. Whether they’ve opted for a single life, have chosen not to have children, or simply didn’t follow the prescribed path of marriage and family, these individuals often face harsh judgment. The fear of being labeled as an outsider or an “other” can be powerful enough to keep many people tethered to these traditional norms. But the truth is that questioning these norms is not a radical act—it’s a necessary one. Just because something is the status quo doesn’t mean it’s the best or the only way to live.
The History of Reproduction: A Social and Economic Contract
The expectation that people should marry and have children is not only a cultural norm, but it is also historically tied to economic necessity. In past centuries, large families were not just about personal fulfillment—they were about survival. In agrarian societies, children were essential to the household economy. They worked on farms, helped care for younger siblings, and contributed to the family’s overall well-being. The more children a family had, the more labor it could provide, and the greater the family’s chances of thriving. In some cases, children were seen as economic assets—people who would grow up to support their aging parents, provide for the family, and continue the family legacy.
After World War II, the need for population growth became even more apparent. Many nations, particularly those that had suffered immense losses during the war, encouraged larger families to help rebuild the economy and repopulate the nation. In this context, having children was seen as a civic duty, an obligation not just to one’s own family but to society as a whole. In some cultures, religious leaders played a significant role in reinforcing this idea, equating procreation with moral righteousness. In these times, the idea of not having children was viewed with suspicion or even shame.
But as societies have evolved, the economic necessity of large families has diminished. In today’s world, children are no longer needed to work the land or contribute to the family income in the same way. In fact, raising children is an expensive and labor-intensive process that often requires significant resources. Yet, the expectation that people should have children persists, even though the practical reasons for doing so are less relevant in modern society.
This lingering societal expectation reflects a deeply ingrained belief that having children is an essential part of life, a rite of passage that everyone should experience. But what happens when these expectations collide with personal desires or life circumstances? For some, the decision to remain childless is based on a desire for personal freedom, a recognition that they may not have the resources or inclination to raise children, or simply a preference for a different lifestyle. Yet, despite these personal reasons, there remains a societal pressure to conform to the expectation that everyone should have children. This pressure is built on the foundation of historical necessity, but in today’s world, it may not hold the same relevance or importance it once did.
The argument for having children, therefore, must be examined in light of its historical context. While children may have once been seen as necessary for economic survival and social stability, the same cannot necessarily be said today. What was once a practical consideration has now become a deeply ingrained social norm, one that shapes not only how people live but also how they’re perceived by others. But as societies continue to evolve, so too should our understanding of what constitutes a meaningful life, free from the constraints of outdated expectations.
The Consequences of Conformity: A Life Without Children
One of the most commonly cited reasons for having children is the belief that they will provide companionship and care as we grow older. People often suggest that childlessness leads to a lonely and unfulfilled life, arguing that without children, one will eventually face isolation and regret. There’s a pervasive belief that children are not only a source of emotional fulfillment but also a kind of insurance policy for one’s later years—someone to care for you when you’re old and frail. But is this really the case? Is the expectation that we should have children to avoid loneliness and to ensure future care grounded in reality?
In fact, research suggests that childless individuals can be just as happy, if not happier, than those with children. A 2022 study found that many single people rate the ability to live independently and without the constraints of parenthood as one of the top benefits of their lifestyle. Without the demands of raising children, individuals have more freedom to pursue their own goals, explore their interests, and invest in their personal well-being. This autonomy leads to a greater sense of satisfaction and contentment.
Furthermore, the assumption that children will inevitably care for their parents in old age is far from guaranteed. In many cases, adult children may be distant, preoccupied with their own lives, or simply unable to provide the support their parents expect. What happens then? The reality is that having children doesn’t guarantee the fulfillment of this expectation, and many people who do have children find that they don’t receive the care or companionship they imagined.
On the other hand, childless individuals often find fulfillment through other forms of connection—friendships, professional relationships, or community involvement. They may not have biological children to care for them, but they often build strong, supportive social networks that provide companionship, love, and care in different ways. The notion that children are the only source of future support or emotional satisfaction is a limited and outdated one.
The truth is, childlessness doesn’t automatically lead to loneliness or a lack of fulfillment. Many people find profound meaning and connection outside the traditional family structure. By rejecting societal pressures and embracing a life that aligns with their own desires and needs, they create their own path to happiness—one that is free from the rigid expectations of conventional life.
Challenging the Myth of the “Ideal Life”
In every society, there exists a set of “norms” that are considered the markers of a successful and fulfilling life. These norms, which often go unquestioned, shape the expectations and choices people make, from childhood to adulthood. We’re told that the ultimate goal of life is to follow a well-trodden path that leads to marriage, children, and a stable job. Anything outside this path is often considered unusual, and those who stray from it may face societal scrutiny or feel isolated. But does this path actually lead to fulfillment for everyone?
The myth of the “ideal life” lies in the assumption that there is only one correct way to live. This myth is perpetuated by cultural narratives, family expectations, and societal pressure, all of which present marriage, children, and a traditional career as the ultimate achievements. However, as we dig deeper, we realize that these norms are not universally applicable. They’re not inherently wrong, but they’re not the only route to a meaningful existence.
This conventional trajectory, which has been ingrained in societies for generations, neglects the fact that happiness and fulfillment are deeply personal and multifaceted experiences. For some people, marriage and children might indeed bring the sense of purpose and connection they desire. But for others, the “ideal life” is something completely different, based on individual passions, personal growth, and authentic experiences.
One might wonder if the relentless pursuit of these norms is merely a form of autopilot living—following a blueprint designed by generations past, without considering whether it aligns with one’s true desires. Challenging this myth requires us to break free from the idea that following these norms guarantees happiness. True fulfillment doesn’t come from blindly adhering to societal expectations—it comes from the courage to question, to choose what resonates with our unique values, and to find meaning on our own terms.
The Sage and the Scientist: Finding Meaning Outside Conventions
History is filled with individuals who chose paths that deviated from conventional norms, yet whose lives were rich with meaning and purpose. These figures, though they didn’t follow the prescribed script of marriage, children, or traditional success, demonstrated that fulfillment can arise from pursuing one’s unique path. Let’s consider the Taoist sage and the solitary scientist, two examples that illustrate how breaking free from social conventions can lead to profound contributions and personal satisfaction.
The Taoist sage is an archetype of the individual who chooses inner peace and simplicity over material gain or power. In one well-known tale, the sage is offered a position of great power—an invitation to rule a kingdom. Yet, the sage declines, preferring to spend his days in quiet contemplation, fishing by the riverside. To many, this may seem like a missed opportunity or an unfulfilled life. However, the sage finds meaning in a life of stillness and reflection. His choice underscores a crucial point: fulfillment is not about external success or power. It’s about living in harmony with one’s own values and embracing simplicity.
Similarly, the solitary scientist provides a more modern example of someone who chose to prioritize personal passion over conventional life milestones. Many renowned scientists, such as Nikola Tesla or Albert Einstein, lived lives that were marked by intense focus on their work rather than family life. Tesla, for example, never married and dedicated almost all of his energy to his inventions and theories. While others may have seen his lack of a traditional family as a form of neglect, it was, for him, a clear decision to channel his energies toward intellectual pursuits that changed the course of human history. His fulfillment came not from marriage or children, but from his relentless dedication to advancing science.
These examples highlight that a fulfilling life does not require adhering to traditional norms. It’s possible to find meaning and purpose outside the conventional framework of family and societal expectations. The sage and the scientist show us that by embracing what truly resonates with us—whether that’s contemplation, intellectual pursuit, or something else entirely—we can live rich, purposeful lives. The key is to prioritize our passions and values, even if they don’t fit neatly into the box of societal norms.
The Freedom to Choose Your Own Path
The essence of a fulfilling life lies in the freedom to choose one’s own path, independent of societal expectations. It’s easy to feel trapped by the weight of tradition and the societal script that everyone is supposed to follow. But true liberation comes from understanding that we have the autonomy to shape our lives based on our desires and values, rather than conforming to an external standard of success.
Every person’s journey is unique, and the beauty of life lies in its endless possibilities. Whether we decide to marry, have children, pursue a career, or choose something entirely different, the power to decide rests in our hands. The freedom to chart our own course is one of the most profound aspects of human existence. It’s about acknowledging that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to living a meaningful life, and that our happiness doesn’t need to be validated by the approval of others.
This kind of freedom often requires the courage to step away from the conventional path, to reject the expectations placed on us by family, society, or culture. It means resisting the pressure to follow the prescribed milestones and instead choosing a life that aligns with our authentic selves. For some, this may mean embracing a more traditional path, while for others, it could mean living unconventionally. Regardless of the choice, the key is autonomy—the freedom to design a life that feels true to who we are.
Moreover, the freedom to choose also entails embracing uncertainty. In a world where so much is dictated by norms and expectations, the freedom to carve out an alternative path can feel daunting. But the act of making choices based on our individual desires can lead to the discovery of new opportunities, deeper satisfaction, and personal growth. We are not bound by what society says we “should” do; we are free to explore the many facets of life that call to us. The power to choose is not just about rejecting societal expectations, but about embracing the boundless possibilities that come with living authentically.
The Power of Non-Conformity
Non-conformity is often seen as an act of rebellion, an overt rejection of societal norms. But in truth, non-conformity is a profound act of self-expression and personal freedom. It’s about resisting the urge to conform simply because it’s expected, and instead carving out a life that is reflective of one’s true self. The power of non-conformity lies in its ability to liberate us from the constraints of tradition, allowing us to live more fully and authentically.
Non-conformity doesn’t necessarily mean rejecting all societal norms; rather, it means questioning which norms truly serve us and which ones hold us back. By examining the conventions of marriage, children, career success, and other societal expectations, we can determine whether they are in alignment with our personal values. For some, these norms may still hold value, but for others, they can feel restrictive, leading to a life that feels unfulfilling or imposed. Non-conformity invites us to step outside the boundaries of what is expected and explore new ways of living that are uniquely our own.
Historically, non-conformity has been the driving force behind many cultural, intellectual, and artistic revolutions. Figures like Albert Einstein, Steve Jobs, and Frida Kahlo all found their success not by adhering to societal expectations, but by embracing their individuality and pursuing paths that felt authentic to them. These individuals didn’t conform because it was easy or popular—they chose their own paths, and in doing so, they changed the world.
The power of non-conformity is not just about rejecting the norms—it’s about creating something new. It’s about stepping outside the constraints of what is considered “normal” and embracing the freedom to live life on your own terms. This act of self-determination can lead to profound personal fulfillment and societal impact. It’s a reminder that true happiness doesn’t lie in following the crowd, but in creating a life that is deeply aligned with who we truly are.
Non-conformity also encourages innovation. When we break free from the constraints of tradition and expectations, we make room for new ideas, perspectives, and ways of being. This is where creativity thrives—when we stop adhering to the established rules and start thinking outside the box. Whether it’s in our personal lives, our careers, or our contributions to society, embracing non-conformity allows us to create new possibilities and redefine what success and fulfillment can look like.
The power of non-conformity lies in its ability to unlock the potential within each of us. It’s a call to embrace our individuality and choose the path that leads to personal growth, self-discovery, and lasting fulfillment. When we let go of societal expectations, we empower ourselves to live fully and authentically, creating lives that are not defined by others, but by our own values and desires.
Conclusion
In a world inundated with societal expectations, it is crucial to remember that conformity is not synonymous with happiness. The decision to marry, have children, or pursue an unconventional path should be guided by personal values and aspirations, not by external pressures or societal mandates.
As we navigate the complex web of societal norms, let us strive to lead lives that resonate with our inner selves, embracing the authenticity that makes us uniquely human. Your life is a canvas; paint it with the colors of your true desires and aspirations.