In a world where compliments can sometimes feel like grand gestures or over-the-top praise, there’s a simpler and often more effective way to make people feel appreciated. It’s called “Little Strokes”—a technique that delivers praise in small, casual doses, making it accessible, impactful, and natural.
While larger forms of recognition, like Killer Compliments for strangers or The Tombstone Game for loved ones, are often reserved for more significant achievements, Little Strokes can be used in everyday interactions. They are subtle affirmations that keep the mood light and the atmosphere positive. These quick kudos can make a difference at work, at home, or with friends, fostering goodwill and boosting morale without extravagant displays.
The Power of a Quick Compliment
Don’t make your colleagues, friends, or loved ones look at you and silently say, “Haven’t I been pretty good today?” Tell them you appreciate them by caressing them with verbal ‘Little Strokes’ like “Nice job!” “Well done!” “Cool!”
Technique #56 – Little Strokes
Little Strokes are powerful because they are simple, immediate, and low-pressure. They don’t require long speeches or elaborate gestures, making them incredibly versatile and easy to implement daily. They are small moments of recognition that add up to a lot over time. These quick compliments are simple and spontaneous and can be incorporated into any interaction, whether with a colleague, a friend, or a loved one.
Take, for example, a situation in the office. How often do people go through an entire workday without being acknowledged for their work? It’s easy to become consumed by tasks, deadlines, and the constant rush to finish work. Yet, something as simple as a brief “Nice job, John!” or “Well done, Kyoto!” can break the monotony and make someone feel appreciated. These compliments might seem like small gestures, but they carry significant weight. They provide a sense of validation that boosts morale, encourages continued effort, and creates a positive, encouraging atmosphere in the workplace.
What makes Little Strokes so powerful is their lack of formality. Unlike more structured forms of praise, which can feel stiff or forced, Little Strokes are informal and appear genuine. They simply recognize someone’s contribution or achievement that doesn’t require elaborate justification. For example, if a colleague helped you with a difficult task or handled a client interaction especially well, you might say, “Nice work on that call!” The praise doesn’t need to be tied to a monumental accomplishment. Still, acknowledging their contribution feels good, and it can help build a culture of appreciation where people are motivated to keep doing great work.
Beyond just the workplace, these quick compliments help to maintain social harmony and keep positive energy flowing in any environment. They’re casual enough to be spontaneous and frequent, which makes them feel less like a rare treat and more like an ongoing source of support. A person receiving regular Little Strokes will likely feel more confident, connected, and motivated. It’s a small act that compounds, making a big difference over time.
Complimenting Loved Ones
Little Strokes aren’t just for colleagues or acquaintances—they can be especially meaningful in personal relationships. With family and friends, there’s often an assumption that we don’t need to reaffirm our affection or appreciation constantly. After all, we know they love us and understand how much we value them. But just like everyone else, loved ones must hear they’re seen and appreciated. Offering Little Strokes in these relationships helps to keep the connection alive and ensures that everyone feels recognized for their efforts, big or small.
Take a moment to consider how often your partner goes out of their way to make your life easier or more enjoyable. They cook a great meal, help with chores, or simply listen when you’re having a rough day. A simple compliment like, “Wow, you’re the best chef in town” or “Gee, honey, you look great” can make them feel cherished. It acknowledges their contribution and lets them know that their efforts don’t go unnoticed.
What’s key here is that these Little Strokes don’t have to be reserved for “perfect” moments. You don’t need to wait for a special occasion like a birthday or anniversary to tell someone how much they mean to you. Instead, use Little Strokes as an everyday tool to nurture your relationship. If your partner has made a great cup of coffee, compliment them. If they’re dressed especially well, a “You look fantastic” before a date night can boost their confidence. These compliments, although simple, can keep the spark in the relationship alive and remind your loved ones that you see them in all their forms, not just on their best days.
When it comes to children, Little Strokes are just as valuable. Kids often crave validation and can easily feel overlooked, especially when constantly being corrected or reminded of what needs to be done. A quick “Great job cleaning your room!” or “I’m so proud of you for helping out!” reinforces positive behavior and shows that you notice their efforts. Unlike more elaborate forms of praise, Little Strokes are easy to deliver and can be offered frequently, helping to foster a positive, supportive environment at home.
Ultimately, Little Strokes in personal relationships work because they create an atmosphere of mutual appreciation. They reinforce that you’re paying attention to the little things—the everyday moments adding to a strong and enduring connection.
Why Little Strokes Matter
The need for recognition is universal but often goes unmet, especially in environments where individuals are constantly expected to perform without feedback or acknowledgment. Human beings thrive on validation. While children may outwardly express this through tantrums or complaints, adults often internalize the same desires. However, as adults, we don’t always vocalize our need for appreciation, making it easy to feel invisible or undervalued. This is where Little Strokes becomes essential.
The story of the little girl who asked her mother, “Haven’t I been a pretty good girl today?” captures the emotional vulnerability that many people, regardless of age, experience when they go unnoticed. It was a simple question, but it cut to the heart of the matter: recognition, however small, can make a person feel seen. Much like children, adults need to feel acknowledged, especially when they’ve put in the effort, made progress, or shown kindness. Little Strokes are the verbal equivalent of a pat on the back, a quick nod of recognition that tells someone, “I see you, and I appreciate what you’ve done.”
Without these simple acknowledgments, people can begin to feel underappreciated, even amid their best efforts. A partner who never receives praise for their hard work around the house or a colleague who constantly goes above and beyond without recognition may eventually feel like their contributions don’t matter. Little Strokes fills this gap, offering a form of natural and heartfelt validation.
Offering these quick, sincere compliments also strengthens relationships by reinforcing positive behavior. In the workplace, acknowledging a colleague’s efforts boosts their morale and can increase their motivation. At home, acknowledging your partner’s kindness or your child’s progress makes them feel good about their actions and reinforces a healthy cycle of positivity and recognition.
Little Strokes helps people feel appreciated in the moment and create a culture of gratitude and respect. The more we offer these small compliments, the more likely we are to foster an environment where people feel valued and encouraged to continue giving their best effort.
Little Things Mean a Lot
In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to overlook the smaller acts of kindness and effort that can profoundly impact. We often reserve praise for the big wins, like promotions, accolades, or special achievements, forgetting that the small victories—those everyday moments—are often the ones people cherish the most. Little Strokes works precisely because it acknowledges these smaller contributions, making people feel valued genuinely and unforcedly.
The lyrics of Kitty Kallen’s song, “Blow me a kiss from across the room. Say I look nice when I’m not. Touch my hair as you pass my chair,” capture the essence of this idea. These are tiny actions that, while small, carry immense meaning. They convey a message of love, care, and appreciation in ways that go beyond words. A compliment like, “You did a great job on that presentation,” might seem small, but it acknowledges someone’s hard work and boosts their confidence. When offered regularly, these small acts create an atmosphere of positivity and support.
In relationships, these small affirmations become the glue that holds everything together. Complimenting your spouse, children, or colleagues might seem trivial, but it contributes to a broader sense of appreciation. Over time, these little words of affirmation create a bond of trust and support. They help remind people that their efforts matter and ensure that even the smallest contributions are celebrated.
Additionally, Little Strokes are highly adaptable. They don’t need to be reserved for moments of triumph; they can be offered during everyday situations. This makes them incredibly easy to incorporate into your daily routine, whether at work, home or with friends. By offering regular, spontaneous compliments, you help to create an environment where appreciation and gratitude are constantly in the air.
Timing Is Key
For a compliment to be effective, it must be delivered at the right time. Little Strokes thrives on the element of surprise and authenticity. The best compliments often come unexpectedly, catching the recipient off guard in a way that makes them feel truly seen. Timing is crucial for maximizing the impact of a compliment and ensuring that it is received as genuine.
Consider a colleague feeling drained after working long hours to finish a project. Amid their exhaustion, a simple “Nice job on that presentation” can motivate them to keep going. This moment of recognition, offered at the right time, helps to lift their spirits and remind them that their efforts are not going unnoticed.
However, compliments that feel forced or insincere are likely to fall flat. If the timing isn’t right—say, you offer a compliment during a tense moment or when someone is under a lot of stress—it might not have the intended effect. Overpraise or compliments given at inappropriate times can come across as patronizing or disconnected from the situation, undermining their effectiveness.
In addition to timing, delivering a Little Stroke should always feel authentic. Compliments that sound scripted or exaggerated tend to ring hollow, no matter when offered. The power of a Little Stroke lies in its sincerity and ability to make someone feel seen for who they are and what they’ve done. To ensure that your compliments land as intended, focus on the moment and the person and allow your words to reflect genuine appreciation.
Conclusion
Little Strokes may be small, but they pack a powerful punch when lifting people’s spirits and creating a positive atmosphere. Whether using them at work, with friends, or in your personal life, these little bursts of praise show others that you see their efforts and appreciate what they do. It’s a simple but effective way to build stronger connections and create a more positive, supportive environment wherever you go.
In a world that often rushes by too quickly, offering a Little Stroke can make all the difference. So next time you see someone do something worthy of recognition, don’t hesitate—drop that little compliment. It might just be the boost they need to keep going.
This article is part of the How to Talk to Anyone Series based on Leil Lowndes’ book.