In the realm of ancient philosophy, the Stoics were renowned for their unwavering commitment to virtue and wisdom. But what did these philosophical giants have to say about matters of the heart—love and lust? Were they romantics at heart or champions of cold detachment? In this journey through Stoicism, we’ll uncover their perspectives on love, lust, and the pursuit of a virtuous life.
Distinguishing Love from Lust
Before we dive into the Stoic view of love and lust, it’s crucial to distinguish between the two. In the modern world, these concepts are often entangled, leading to confusion and misunderstandings. Stoicism provides a clear demarcation: love, particularly unconditional love, is viewed as the purest form of affection, fully within our control. As Epictetus, the Stoic philosopher, puts it, it falls under the category of things “by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered.”
The Intricate Nature of Love
Unconditional love, according to Stoicism, is a manifestation of our inner strength and character. It’s a love that gives freely, expecting nothing in return. This type of love isn’t swayed by external circumstances or the actions of others. It’s a powerful force that transcends the whims of fate.
Lust: The Desire Beyond Our Control
In stark contrast to love, lust is a desire for something outside our control. When consumed by lust, we yearn for the physical form of another human being. However, the Stoics caution that such desires are inherently fleeting and can lead to suffering. Epictetus characterized things beyond our control as “weak, slavish, restrained, belonging to others.” This perspective serves as a stark reminder of the transitory nature of lust.
The Western Obsession with Romantic Love
In Western culture, romantic love often takes center stage. It has become a driving force, sometimes surpassing even religion and spirituality in significance. People invest tremendous energy and focus into romantic pursuits, often elevating them above all other concerns.
The Illusion of the Honeymoon Phase
One aspect of romantic love is the infamous “honeymoon phase.” During this period, individuals experience intense infatuation and euphoria with their partners. However, the Stoics caution that this phase is temporary, and when it inevitably wanes, disillusionment can set in. The rose-colored glasses come off, revealing the imperfections that were previously overlooked. This realization often leads to a quest for another romantic high, as individuals seek to recapture that initial euphoria.
The Pitfalls of Self-Serving Love
One of the criticisms that Stoicism levels at romantic love is its potential for self-serving behavior. When deeply in love, individuals may become possessive, clinging to their partners and fearing their loss to someone else. This possessiveness often spirals into jealousy, an emotion rooted in the fear of abandonment.
Jealousy: The Bane of Romantic Love
Jealousy, a common emotion in romantic relationships, is seen by the Stoics as a source of inner turmoil. It arises from the fear that our beloved may choose another over us. In response, people often resort to possessive behaviors, attempting to control their partner’s actions. In Stoic terms, this is a form of clinging—an attachment to external outcomes and a desire for control.
Stoicism’s Nuanced View on Relationships
While the Stoics may have reservations about certain aspects of romantic love, they do not dismiss relationships outright. Instead, they advocate for virtuous and meaningful connections with others. Seneca, a prominent Stoic philosopher, underscored the importance of love and relationships that serve a higher purpose. He held marriage in high regard and disapproved of divorce and adultery.
Balancing Love, Lust, and Virtue
For the Stoics, a virtuous life takes precedence over all other pursuits. While they do not condemn love or lust, they emphasize moderation and the pursuit of virtue. Lust, in moderation, can be seen as a preferred indifferent, aligning with the Stoic virtue of “moderation.” However, indulgence in lust to excess is viewed negatively.
Embracing Meaningful Relationships
The Stoics place great value on meaningful relationships built on mutual care and virtue. Musonius Rufus, another Stoic philosopher, highlighted the importance of complete companionship and concern in marriage. For the Stoics, relationships thrive when individuals prioritize the well-being of their partners and embrace the duties that come with them.
The Impermanence of Attachment
One core Stoic teaching is the impermanence of all things. Even in love and relationships, attachment should not lead to clinging. Epictetus advises that we should never claim to have “lost” something, be it a loved one or possessions. Instead, we should consider it a return—a shift in the natural order.
The Pursuit of Virtue Above All
In summary, the Stoic perspective on love and lust revolves around the pursuit of virtue as the highest good. While they acknowledge the importance of love and meaningful relationships, they caution against possessiveness and the indulgence of lust. For the Stoics, a virtuous life encompasses love, but it does not revolve solely around it. It is an intricate tapestry where love, lust, and virtue are woven together, each finding its place within the broader canvas of human existence.