Ambition, that powerful drive that pushes us to reach new heights, can sometimes be thwarted by an internal force that seems impossible to overcome: laziness. But what if laziness isn’t what you think it is? What if the real issue isn’t a lack of willpower or motivation but rather a misalignment between your ambitions and desires? In this article, we’ll explore how to transform your approach, align your desires with your ambitions, and overcome the internal inertia that holds you back from achieving greatness.
Understanding Laziness: A Misalignment, Not a Deficiency
Laziness is one of the most commonly misunderstood traits. We often define it as a simple lack of effort, motivation, or willpower, but this shallow definition fails to capture the underlying complexity of why we sometimes avoid the very things that we claim to want. At its core, laziness is not a personality flaw or an inherent lack of drive; it’s the result of a misalignment between our ambitions and our true desires.
Imagine you set a goal for yourself to be successful in a career that society views as prestigious, such as becoming a lawyer. Your ambition is clear—graduate from law school, pass the bar exam, and eventually work in a high-paying legal job. Yet, when it comes time to study for your exams or do the required reading, you find yourself procrastinating, distracted by other activities that you don’t even truly enjoy. You might be tempted to label yourself lazy, but the real issue lies deeper.
The problem isn’t that you’re lazy—it’s that your ambition (becoming a lawyer) clashes with your underlying desires (maybe you’d rather explore something creative or entrepreneurial). When there’s a disconnect between your true interests and your chosen path, laziness is a natural response. Your brain resists actions that don’t lead to immediate satisfaction or fulfillment. It’s not that you’re incapable of doing the work, but your desires pull you in a different direction.
In a situation like this, you’re not procrastinating because you’re lazy, but because you haven’t aligned your actions with what you truly desire. The ambition to succeed in law school isn’t wrong, but it might not be what excites you at a deeper level. When your core desires aren’t matched with your long-term goals, your internal motivation weakens. You might feel the nagging pressure to study, but you can’t find the drive to do it because, at a subconscious level, you simply don’t care enough about the subject.
This misalignment is what breeds the feeling of laziness. It’s not about being lazy; it’s about the conflict between the things you say you want and the things your mind actually craves. The solution to laziness isn’t found in forcing yourself into action with self-discipline or willpower alone. Rather, it involves deep introspection and honest self-evaluation. The real challenge lies in determining whether your ambition truly reflects your desires. If it doesn’t, you need to either adjust your ambitions to match your true passions or reshape your desires to support your goals.
By acknowledging that laziness is a misalignment of ambition and desire, you can take proactive steps to resolve it. You might need to let go of external expectations and align your goals with what truly excites you, whether that’s a career in law or something entirely different. Once your ambitions align with your passions, the motivation to pursue them will naturally follow, and the inertia of laziness will begin to fade.
The Empty VIP Table: A Lesson in Illusion
To understand how deeply our desires are influenced by external validation, consider the story of the empty VIP table at a nightclub—a story that sheds light on how our ambitions can be driven by superficial motivations. This story takes place in a nightclub, where VIP tables are highly coveted. These tables, located near the dance floor, are where the “cool” crowd hangs out. They come with hefty price tags, but they serve more as symbols of status than actual spaces for enjoying the night.
When the nightclub was struggling to sell its VIP tables, Steve, a promoter, came up with a brilliant solution. He left the tables empty but dressed them up with all the trappings of exclusivity: red velvet ropes, champagne bottles, and ice buckets. A “reserved” sign was placed prominently in front of each table, signaling that they were off-limits. Within an hour, people began approaching Steve, asking if they could reserve one of the empty tables. Why? Because the tables, despite being empty and not actually reserved, were now seen as valuable simply because they were labeled as “exclusive.” The perceived value of the VIP table came from the desire to belong to a select group, not from the table itself.
This scenario demonstrates how deeply influenced we are by social perception and external validation. We often pursue goals or desires because we believe they will earn us approval from others, rather than because they hold intrinsic value. The desire to reserve an empty VIP table wasn’t based on a genuine need or want for the table itself, but for the social status it conferred. In the same way, many of our life goals can become distorted when they are motivated primarily by a need for validation, not genuine interest.
Ask yourself: Are you truly pursuing your ambitions, or are you chasing something because it will impress others? Are you working toward becoming a lawyer because you love the law, or because you think it will win you respect from your family or peers? Do you want to get fit and toned for your own health, or do you think it will make you more attractive to others?
The lesson here is to examine the deeper reasons behind your desires. Are you going after goals that are truly meaningful to you, or are you chasing empty “VIP tables” that only look good on the surface? If your ambitions are motivated by external validation, you may find that, even when you achieve them, the satisfaction is fleeting. The sense of accomplishment doesn’t last because the goal was never aligned with your authentic desires in the first place.
To break free from this cycle, you need to step back and question the true motivations behind your goals. Get clear on what you really want—separate what you desire from what others expect from you. Once you have a clearer sense of what truly matters to you, your goals will shift. No longer will you be driven by the pursuit of hollow achievements. Instead, you’ll be focused on genuine growth and success, rooted in your authentic ambitions. This realignment will give you the clarity and motivation you need to move forward without feeling lazy or disengaged.
The empty VIP table is a powerful metaphor for life’s distractions. It’s a warning to avoid pursuing goals that don’t truly serve you, and instead, focus on what matters most. When your ambitions are rooted in authenticity, the drive to achieve them will no longer feel like a struggle, but a natural and exciting part of your journey.
The Mimetic Nature of Desire: Influence and Validation
At the core of human nature is a deep desire for connection and validation, which plays a crucial role in shaping our ambitions. The concept of mimetic desire, introduced by philosopher René Girard, explains that much of what we want is not determined by our intrinsic values or preferences, but by what those around us desire. We are, in essence, social creatures whose desires are often reflected back to us by the people we interact with. This imitation of others’ desires—mimetic desire—can have profound implications on our goals, motivations, and, ultimately, our actions.
The power of mimetic desire can be seen in almost every area of life. For example, if you are surrounded by friends or colleagues who prioritize fitness, you may find yourself adopting similar aspirations, even if fitness wasn’t originally a major interest for you. Conversely, if those around you place great value on material wealth, your ambition to accumulate wealth might not be based on a desire for financial security or independence, but because it has become a symbol of success in your social circle.
One of the key features of mimetic desire is that it creates a cycle of imitation. When you see others achieving certain goals—whether it’s excelling in their careers, building their bodies, or accumulating wealth—you subconsciously begin to want the same things. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing; it can help you push yourself toward betterment by surrounding yourself with people whose values you admire. However, it can also lead to a scenario where you are pursuing goals that you don’t truly care about but simply want because others have them. For example, you might want a promotion at work not because it aligns with your passion or skills, but because everyone around you is striving for a higher status, and you feel compelled to do the same.
This dynamic becomes even more potent in a world dominated by social media, where we are constantly exposed to the curated lives of others. On Instagram, people post about their glamorous vacations, lavish lifestyles, and successful careers, often leading us to desire the same things, not because they’re aligned with our personal values, but because we want to be seen as successful or admired by others. Social media is, in many ways, the ultimate amplifier of mimetic desire.
However, Girard’s theory can also be a tool for positive change. If you recognize that your desires are often influenced by the people you surround yourself with, you can use this knowledge to your advantage. You have the power to choose who you associate with, and by aligning yourself with individuals who embody values you admire, you can start to internalize those values. If you want to adopt healthier habits, surround yourself with people who prioritize health and wellness. If you want to be more disciplined, seek out individuals who demonstrate focus and consistency in their lives. By surrounding yourself with the right kind of people, you can shift your desires toward things that truly matter to you and away from superficial goals that leave you feeling empty.
The key here is awareness. Recognizing that your desires are influenced by external factors allows you to take control of them. Instead of mindlessly imitating others, you can be intentional about the influences you allow into your life. Choose your social circles wisely and allow your ambitions to be shaped by people whose values align with your own. When you start seeking validation from people who are aligned with your deeper goals, you’ll naturally begin to want the things that will truly bring you fulfillment.
Accountability: The Power of Social Pressure
While self-motivation and personal discipline are often hailed as the solutions to laziness, external accountability can often be a far more effective tool for overcoming procrastination and inaction. This is where the power of social pressure comes into play. Human beings are wired to respond to the expectations and judgments of others. In many cases, we are far more motivated to meet external expectations than we are to meet our own internal goals. This inherent need for validation and the fear of disappointing others can be harnessed to create a powerful system of accountability.
One of the most effective ways to use accountability is through the creation of external commitments that make failing to follow through feel more painful than simply doing the task at hand. The speaker’s personal experience of writing his second book provides a great example. Struggling with procrastination and overwhelmed by the looming deadline, he found himself increasingly distant from the writing process. Rather than forcing himself into solitary action, he partnered with a friend, Nearel, who was facing similar challenges in writing his own book. Together, they made a pact to meet weekly, set goals, and hold each other accountable.
What made this system effective wasn’t just the shared goal of writing books—it was the high stakes they introduced. The agreement included a financial penalty: if either of them failed to meet the week’s writing goals, they would have to pay the other $1,000. This external pressure transformed the writing process from a daunting, individual struggle into a shared commitment. The fear of embarrassment and financial loss outweighed the inertia of procrastination, and the two writers were able to make consistent progress toward completing their books.
The key lesson here is that accountability can be a powerful motivator, especially when it is tied to social or financial consequences. This is why people often achieve more in team settings or when they’re working toward group goals. The fear of letting down others or facing external judgment can create a level of motivation that internal pressure simply cannot.
Creating an accountability system with another person (or a group of people) allows you to break free from the cycle of procrastination. By making your commitments public and introducing tangible consequences for failure, you dramatically increase the pressure to follow through. The goal isn’t to punish yourself but to create a sense of urgency and responsibility that drives you to take action.
In addition to the financial or social stakes, the act of checking in with someone else regularly creates a sense of progress. You’re no longer working in isolation; you’re part of a larger system of mutual support and shared accountability. This connection can help alleviate the isolation and overwhelming feelings that often accompany big goals, making it easier to push forward.
Ultimately, the power of accountability lies in its ability to make the cost of inaction feel more immediate and tangible. By involving others in your goals, you transform them from abstract intentions into concrete commitments. This external pressure, combined with the natural human desire to avoid judgment or embarrassment, will motivate you to show up consistently and take action. Whether through financial penalties, public commitments, or simple check-ins with a trusted friend, accountability can turn what feels like a daunting task into a manageable and achievable goal.
Lower Your Expectations to Build Momentum
One of the most effective strategies for overcoming laziness and achieving long-term success is to lower your expectations in the short term. This might sound counterintuitive at first—after all, aren’t big, ambitious goals what drive us to push through challenges and setbacks? While ambitious goals are important, they can often lead to burnout and frustration when the path to success feels insurmountable. This is where the concept of lowering your expectations comes into play. By scaling down your goals and focusing on small, manageable tasks, you can build momentum that will eventually carry you toward achieving larger ambitions.
When we think about achieving something great, such as inventing a groundbreaking technology, writing a bestselling book, or building a massive business, the enormity of the goal can often feel paralyzing. The pressure to succeed on such a large scale can overwhelm you before you even start. This was the challenge Thomas Edison faced when he was attempting to invent the light bulb. The task seemed impossibly large—how could he possibly create a bulb that would last for hours, let alone revolutionize the way people lived? Instead of focusing on the overwhelming final goal, Edison shifted his approach. Rather than attempting to build a working light bulb in one grand gesture, he broke down the task into smaller, more manageable challenges. He focused on testing individual filaments one at a time, learning from each failure and slowly narrowing down the possibilities.
This incremental approach turned the project into a series of small wins, which gradually built momentum and made the larger goal feel attainable. Every small test that failed didn’t feel like a setback but rather a step closer to success. The key here is that by lowering expectations in the short term—by making the goal feel more achievable—you create a sense of progress, which in turn fuels motivation. Each small win serves as evidence that you are moving forward, which keeps your momentum going and makes the bigger, more daunting goal seem less intimidating.
Psychologist Edwin A. Loach’s research on goal setting supports this approach. He found that extremely ambitious goals often backfire because they are seen as unattainable. When a person perceives a goal as out of reach, their motivation plummets, and they are less likely to continue pursuing it. Instead of aiming for the end goal right away, focus on smaller tasks that feel doable and that you can achieve in a reasonable amount of time. Over time, these small wins will accumulate, and you’ll find yourself building the confidence and motivation needed to tackle larger challenges.
This principle can be applied in all areas of life—whether you’re trying to get in shape, learn a new skill, or start a business. Instead of setting yourself up for failure by aiming for perfection from the outset, start by setting smaller, more achievable goals that give you a sense of accomplishment. For example, if you want to get in shape, instead of committing to an intense daily workout regimen right away, start with 15-minute sessions and gradually increase the time and intensity. As you succeed in these small steps, you’ll feel more motivated to take on bigger challenges. The key is to celebrate the small victories along the way and use them as building blocks for larger successes.
By lowering your expectations, you remove the pressure of perfection and allow yourself to gain momentum through small, consistent efforts. This shift in mindset—from a large, overwhelming goal to a series of manageable steps—turns laziness into progress. It allows you to focus on what you can do today, without getting bogged down by the enormity of the task ahead. With each small success, you’ll begin to realize that the larger goal is not as impossible as it once seemed, and the momentum will carry you through to greater achievements.
The Role of Purpose: Why Meaning Makes All the Difference
While breaking down your goals into smaller, achievable steps is essential for building momentum, there is one more crucial factor that determines your ability to push through challenges: purpose. The most powerful motivator for overcoming laziness and achieving long-term success is a deep sense of purpose. When your goals are tied to something larger than yourself—whether it’s a cause, a personal mission, or a passion that resonates with your core values—you are far more likely to persevere in the face of adversity.
Purpose is what makes the inevitable setbacks and failures worth enduring. If you’re pursuing a goal for superficial reasons—such as to impress others, gain social status, or fulfill someone else’s expectations—you will likely find yourself burned out and unmotivated when things get tough. These external motivators are fleeting, and once the novelty wears off, your drive will diminish. However, when you pursue a goal because it holds deep meaning to you, the journey becomes something you are willing to fight for, no matter how many obstacles you encounter along the way.
Take, for example, Edison’s pursuit of the light bulb. His ambition wasn’t just about creating a functional light source; it was about transforming the world and improving people’s lives. The light bulb represented more than just a technological breakthrough—it symbolized progress, innovation, and the possibility of changing the way society operated. This higher purpose fueled his persistence, allowing him to face failure after failure without losing sight of the ultimate goal. Each failure wasn’t seen as a defeat but as a stepping stone on the way to making his vision a reality.
This sense of purpose is what drives individuals to keep going, even when the path is filled with difficulties. When you’re aligned with a deeper mission, setbacks become less discouraging. You can frame each failure as an opportunity for learning, not a reason to quit. As long as you are connected to something meaningful—something that goes beyond temporary rewards or external validation- you will be able to summon the resilience necessary to stay committed to your goals.
Purpose also makes it easier to navigate the long, often tedious process of working toward a large goal. The repetitive nature of daily work, combined with the uncertainty of whether your efforts will ever pay off, can be demotivating. However, when you have a strong sense of why you’re doing something, the routine becomes meaningful. For example, an athlete who trains for an Olympic gold medal doesn’t just focus on the grueling hours in the gym; they are driven by the vision of standing on the podium and representing their country. Their purpose gives their efforts meaning, and this sustains them through the difficult moments.
If you want to build lasting success and overcome laziness, you must connect your ambitions to something greater than just personal gain or external approval. Find a purpose that excites you, whether it’s making a difference in the world, pursuing a passion, or creating something meaningful. This sense of purpose will keep you going when motivation wanes, and it will make even the toughest challenges feel worthwhile. Without purpose, laziness will always feel like an easy out, but with purpose, no amount of failure will deter you from your path.
Purpose acts as a guiding force that makes the journey feel worthwhile. It aligns your desires with your ambitions, and when you have that kind of clarity, laziness becomes irrelevant. You will be able to push through moments of doubt and frustration because you know that the work you’re doing is connected to something that matters. With a strong sense of purpose, your ambitions are no longer just about achieving a goal—they’re about fulfilling a deeper calling. This transformation is what will carry you through to success, no matter the obstacles in your way.
Conclusion: The Alignment Between Ambition and Desire
Ultimately, the war against laziness isn’t about motivation or willpower. It’s about aligning your desires with your ambitions. You have to be honest with yourself about what you truly want and then structure your life and your environment to support those desires. Surround yourself with the right people, create accountability systems, lower your goals to build momentum, and, most importantly, tie everything to a deeper sense of purpose.
By taking these steps, you can break free from the inertia that holds you back and start making real progress toward your dreams. Laziness is not an insurmountable obstacle; it’s simply a sign that your desires and ambitions aren’t in harmony. Once you fix that, nothing can stop you.