We’ve all been there – you meet someone at a social gathering or a business event. You extend your hand for a handshake, your eyes lock in a moment of connection, and then, it happens: your mind goes blank, and your ability to think vanishes into thin air. You desperately search for a topic to break the awkward silence, but your efforts fall flat. Your newfound acquaintance slips away, leaving you standing alone by the cheese tray.
We all aspire for those first few words we utter to be sparkling, witty, and profound. We want our listeners to recognize our captivating conversational skills immediately. However, there’s a fine line between impressing and overwhelming, as the author once learned at a Mensa convention.
The Mensa Gathering: A Lesson in Overwhelming Intellect
Several years ago, the Mensa organization, a group comprising individuals in the top 2 percent of the intelligence spectrum, invited me to be a keynote speaker at their annual convention. The event kicked off with a lively cocktail party in the hotel lobby. As the author arrived and navigated through the crowd of Mensa members, something unusual happened.
The author found herself in a crowded elevator with fellow partygoers. The elevator ride should have been routine, but it took on an unexpected twist. The author remarked, “Hmm, the elevator seems a little flaky today,” in response to its sluggishness. What followed was an intense intellectual assault as every elevator occupant felt compelled to showcase their exceptional IQs.
One individual proclaimed, “It’s obviously suffering from poor rail-guide alignment,” while another confidently declared, “The relay contact is not made up.” Suddenly, I felt like a grasshopper caught in a stereo speaker, desperate to escape the onslaught of mental giants.
The Importance of Matching Mood in Small Talk
In retrospect, the author realized that the Mensans’ answers were undeniably interesting. So why did I have such a negative reaction? The answer was simple: it was too much information delivered too quickly. I was fatigued, and their high-energy responses clashed with my lethargic mood at the time.
Small talk isn’t about facts or complex words; it’s about creating a harmonious melody in the conversation. It’s about making sounds together that soothe, like purring cats, humming children, or chanting groups. The first step to achieving this harmony is to match your listener’s mood, even if only for a brief moment.
Make a Mood Match: The Key to Harmonious Conversations
Imagine that in the world of small talk, you’re composing music, not just using words. Your listener’s mood sets the tempo, and your role is to sync with it. This technique is what I call “Make a Mood Match.”
Instead of overwhelming your listener with intensity, like the Mensans in the elevator, start by matching their current mood. If they seem relaxed, respond with a calm and unhurried tone. If they appear enthusiastic, mirror their energy. The goal is to establish a temporary equilibrium in energy levels.
For instance, the Mensans could have briefly matched the author’s lethargy by acknowledging, “Yes, it is slow, isn’t it?” This would have created a moment of shared understanding. Subsequently, they could have smoothly transitioned into their explanations about rail-guard alignment or any other technical details, and the author would have welcomed the conversation.
The Universal Application of Mood Matching
The concept of matching moods is not limited to social gatherings; it extends to various aspects of life, especially in sales. Salespeople must adapt to their customers’ moods to establish rapport effectively. Consider an experience I had while planning a surprise party at a French restaurant.
Upon entering the restaurant filled with excitement for my friend Stella’s triple celebration, the maître d’ received me with a somber demeanor. His lack of enthusiasm instantly deflated my party spirit. He responded to my joyful chatter about Stella’s birthday, engagement, and new job with a monotonous description of the available space.
In contrast, had he matched my enthusiasm with a smile and shared in my excitement, I would have been more inclined to rent the party space. Instead, I left in search of a venue where the staff embraced the joy of the occasion.
Conclusion: The Power of Mood Matching in Conversation
Matching moods is the first step in initiating a conversation without overwhelming your listener. By adjusting your tone and energy to align with theirs, you create a harmonious atmosphere. Remember, every listener, like a baby being consoled by their mother, appreciates this instinctive gesture.
Whether you’re closing a sale, engaging in small talk, or navigating any social interaction, understanding and applying the art of mood matching can be your secret weapon. So, before you start speaking, take a moment to sense the mood, adapt accordingly, and watch as your conversations flow with ease and connection.