In today’s fast-paced world, our lives are intertwined with the incessant ringing of telephones. Whether we’re answering calls in the boardroom, the bedroom, or even the bathroom (yes, we’ve all been there), there’s an unwritten rule we’ve all heard: “Smile before answering.” Some self-styled telephone experts even suggest that we position a mirror next to our phone to ensure a perpetual grin. But let’s be honest: How many of us have found ourselves grimacing at our reflection while in the middle of a mud-pack facial expression? It’s hardly a recipe for success.
So, here’s a reality check: No one wants to sound like a perpetually cheerful Pollyanna or a Cheshire cat with no brain. We don’t want to come across as lonely recluses for whom the highlight of the day is simply receiving a phone call, any phone call, from anyone. Authenticity matters, and it’s essential to balance professionalism and genuine warmth.
The Smiling Myth
The advice to “smile before answering” the phone has been around for decades. It is grounded in the idea that if you force yourself to smile as soon as the phone rings, your voice will naturally sound more pleasant and friendly. The theory is that smiling while speaking creates a warm, inviting tone that builds rapport immediately. This practice is commonly recommended in sales training, customer service, and other fields where telephone communication is essential. But while the advice might seem helpful, it doesn’t account for the complexity of human communication.
When you smile before answering, the effect often feels artificial. It’s not just the voice that sounds strained; the conversation tends to feel less genuine. Think about it: you’re trying to sound naturally cheerful while still processing who’s calling and why. Before you’ve even said “Hello,” you’re already performing. And performance—while it might seem effective at first—can often fall flat. When you answer the phone and smile, it’s a form of emotional manipulation. You’re trying to inject positivity into your voice, even though you haven’t yet established what kind of interaction this call will be.
For example, if the phone rings and you immediately put on a smile, it’s clear you haven’t engaged with the person on the other end of the line. You don’t know whether it’s a friend calling to catch up, a colleague with an urgent request, or a salesperson trying to pitch a new product. Without context, how can you truly care enough to smile? Smiling before answering doesn’t allow room for emotional nuance from hearing the caller’s voice or understanding the reason for their call.
Worse, even to the most empathetic listener, this preemptive smile often seems disingenuous. If you try too hard to appear happy, you can lead to a disconnection. You’re not offering genuine warmth but a rehearsed, canned response. Ultimately, it’s not about pretending to be happy; it’s about responding in a way that feels authentic based on the real context of the call.
The Power of the Post-Answer Smile
The most effective way to convey warmth and professionalism is not by smiling before answering but by allowing your enthusiasm to build after you know who is calling. Answer the phone in a straightforward, neutral way—”Hello, this is [Your Name], how may I help you?” This allows you to engage with the caller without forcing an emotion before you’ve understood their reason for calling. The real magic happens when you react after hearing the name or the reason for the call.
Once the caller’s identity is revealed, you can switch gears and let a genuine smile take over. You don’t just feel this energy shift; it’s communicated clearly through your voice. Imagine a scenario: a friend or colleague you respect calls in, and suddenly, you feel a surge of positivity. Let this excitement flow freely into your voice; the shift will be immediate. Instead of a stiff “Hello,” you say, “Oh, Joe! How wonderful to hear from you!” Or, “Sally, how are you?” The warmth in your tone is unmistakable.
The key difference between this approach and the “smile before answering” method is that you respond to a real, identifiable cue. The caller’s identity triggers a natural reaction—whether it’s happiness, relief, or curiosity. Because your smile follows the context of the conversation, it feels more authentic. It’s not forced; it’s simply an emotional response that aligns with the moment. This approach makes the call more pleasant and helps you foster a deeper connection with the caller.
When you react after knowing who’s calling, you let your emotions flow organically. There’s no pretense, just real human interaction. This technique also allows for a wider range of responses. Sometimes, a calm, steady tone might be more appropriate when dealing with a sensitive subject. At the same time, other times, a more energetic and enthusiastic response will help you forge a stronger bond with the caller. The flexibility to match your tone to the moment makes this approach far more versatile and effective than the “smile before answering” method.
Leil’s Real-World Example: Steve’s Phone Reception
One real-world example that showcases the power of post-answer enthusiasm comes from a friend of mine, Steve. Steve runs a large trade association in Washington, D.C., and his office handles hundreds of daily calls from various sources. I never knew which assistant would pick up when I called Steve’s office, but there was consistent quality across every interaction. His assistants answer with a straightforward, professional greeting: “Cable Telecommunications Association, [Name], how may I direct your call?” It’s not overly friendly or forced—just neutral professionalism.
But when I ask for Steve, the tone of the conversation changes. Upon hearing my name, the assistant shifts to a warmer, more personal tone: “Oh, yes, Ms. Lowndes! Let me put you right through.” This subtle shift in tone makes me feel like I’m being treated with importance and respect. The assistant doesn’t act like she knows me personally, but there’s a shift in energy once my name is mentioned. It’s as though the conversation becomes more meaningful once she understands that I am the one calling.
The effectiveness of Steve’s phone etiquette lies in how his staff doesn’t treat each call the same way. When a salesperson calls, for example, they answer the phone with the same level of professionalism. However, their responses shift once they know who’s calling and the reason for the call. If it’s a potential client, they respond warmly. If it’s a vendor calling with a business proposal, they are attentive but efficient. This strategy ensures that no matter the type of call, everyone who reaches Steve’s office is treated with the same level of care and attention, making them feel valued and respected.
I once visited Steve in Washington and asked him about his office’s approach to phone etiquette. He explained that the warmth I felt on the phone wasn’t a special treatment reserved only for VIPs—everyone gets the same level of attentiveness. The secret to his success was that each staff member was trained to understand the context of the call. Instead of pretending to be overly familiar with every caller, they focus on the purpose of the call and adjust their tone accordingly. This approach ensures that everyone, whether a high-ranking official or an average customer, feels respected.
What Makes This Work?
What makes this approach so effective is its focus on authenticity. People are likelier to engage with you when they feel heard and treated with genuine warmth. The key is not to fake familiarity but to respond with genuine enthusiasm based on the context of the conversation.
When you answer the phone professionally and then allow your tone to shift based on the caller’s identity or reason for calling, you make the interaction more personal and human. This approach demonstrates that you are not just answering a call mechanically but engaging in a real conversation. People want to feel acknowledged, whether long-time clients or strangers with simple inquiries. This level of attentiveness builds trust and creates positive emotional associations with your brand or persona.
Additionally, this method helps foster stronger relationships over time. By responding warmly to people—even strangers—you create an emotional bond that can lead to better interactions in the future. Even if the call is business-related, your warmth and attentiveness make the conversation more enjoyable, and the caller is more likely to remember the positive interaction.
Think of it this way: every time you answer the phone, you can make a person feel heard, important, and valued. It’s not about grand gestures or fake enthusiasm; it’s about engaging with the person on the other end in a way that feels real, professional, and caring. That’s the real magic behind this phone etiquette strategy.
The “Oh Wow, It’s You!” Technique
Don’t answer the phone with an “I’m just sooo happy all the time” attitude. Answer warmly, crisply, and professionally. Then, after you hear who is calling, let a huge smile of happiness engulf your entire face and spill over into your voice. You make your caller feel as though your giant warm fuzzy smile is reserved for him or her.
Technique #62 – “Oh Wow, It’s You!”
Now that we’ve explored the importance of answering the phone professionally and letting your tone shift after you know who’s calling, let’s dive into the “Oh Wow, It’s You!” technique in more detail. This technique is a game-changer for your phone interactions. The key lies in its simplicity: answer the phone in a neutral, professional manner, and then, once you know who’s calling, let your voice express excitement and positivity.
Start by answering the phone crisply and clearly. Don’t let the caller hear a tired or distracted tone. When you hear their name or the purpose of the call, let your mood shift. Smile, and let your voice reflect that smile. “Oh, Joe, how nice to hear from you!” Or, “Sally, what a pleasant surprise!” This simple shift in tone does wonders for making the caller feel valued.
This technique is so effective because it’s not about pretending to be happy. It’s about reacting to the situation in a way that feels real. When you hear a caller’s name or the reason for the call, your voice should naturally brighten because you’re responding to the context of the conversation. This approach allows you to be genuine without overdoing it. Instead of sounding overzealous, you sound warmly engaged.
For example, the next time you get a reminder call from your dentist, instead of answering with a curt “Yes, I’m aware,” try this: “Oh, yes, you’re right! I’m so glad you called!” Surprised by your upbeat response, the receptionist will likely appreciate your positivity. Similarly, when a vendor calls to discuss an overdue payment, answer with the same enthusiasm: “Oh, I’m so glad you reminded me of that!” This creates a positive interaction, even in potentially uncomfortable situations.
This technique works because it capitalizes on the human desire to feel valued. The unexpected warmth in your voice often takes people aback, and they respond in kind. The key is to let the moment shape your response. When you react authentically, you build rapport and create a positive connection with the caller, no matter who they are or what they want.
Why This Works for You
This technique works so well because it taps into one of the most fundamental aspects of human communication: authenticity. People don’t want to feel like they’re just another caller; they want to feel valued. When you answer the phone with a warm, enthusiastic tone after you know who’s calling, you communicate that the caller matters to you. This approach is far more effective than forcing a smile before you know who you’re speaking to.
You build trust and goodwill by showing genuine enthusiasm for the caller and their reason for calling. This method also helps defuse tension in more difficult conversations, such as handling complaints or addressing problems. Instead of responding with defensiveness or frustration, you respond with warmth and openness, which makes the caller feel heard and understood.
The “Oh Wow, It’s You!” technique is a simple but powerful way to transform phone etiquette and create more positive interactions. It’s about making each caller feel like they are the most important person on the line, even if it’s just a routine business call. You set the tone for better conversations, stronger relationships, and more productive outcomes by responding authentically and warmly.
Conclusion: The Lasting Impact
The next time the phone rings, try it for yourself. Answer with professionalism, then let a smile and a warm tone flood your voice as soon as you hear who’s calling. You’ll notice how your response can transform the interaction, whether it’s a familiar face or an unknown number. It’s not about faking enthusiasm; it’s about showing genuine interest in the caller and making them feel good about reaching out to you. When you put this technique into practice, you’ll soon find that you’re making more connections and getting more positive results from your phone calls than ever before.
This article is part of the How to Talk to Anyone Series based on Leil Lowndes’ book.