Certain people wield far more power in business than one might initially assume. Consider the case of a prominent figure, “Ed,” who owns an international hotel chain with properties spanning six countries. Ed hires and fires thousands, signs monumental contracts, borrow vast sums from financial institutions and significantly contributes to charities. He is well-respected, with a name immediately recognizable in his industry. Yet, very few know a secret about Ed’s success: Mrs. Big Cat, Sylvia, is the true mastermind behind the operation.
A Quiet Power Behind the Scenes
In many high-stakes industries, it’s easy to be captivated by the loudest players—the CEOs, the executives, the ones who hold the megaphone. These are the people who make headlines and get the credit. However, the true engines of success often lie hidden in plain sight, quietly operating behind the scenes. Sylvia, Mrs. Big Cat, is one of those unseen forces.
At first glance, Ed appears to be the quintessential businessman: commanding, visible, and outwardly in control. His hotel empire spans continents, his financial dealings are vast, and his charitable contributions are well-publicized. However, Sylvia’s role in the family business is not just a side note; she is the quiet mastermind. Her power doesn’t come from her position on a board or her ownership of assets—her influence is woven into the fabric of the Big Cat empire, subtly but significantly shaping decisions that steer the course of Ed’s success.
Her influence is more powerful than one might think. It’s not about making headlines or being in the spotlight; it’s about shaping Ed’s mindset, guiding his decisions, and subtly nudging him toward the right choices. This silent power often drives the decisions that the outside world sees as monumental achievements. It reminds us that in any major business or personal success, the unsung heroes work quietly behind the scenes and often provide the true foundation for everything else.
The interaction I had with Sylvia that afternoon is a key example. While Ed might be the face of the business, Sylvia was its emotional and intellectual backbone. As we sat on the patio, discussing everything from charity donations to business strategies, I noticed how casually yet decisively Sylvia operated. She didn’t need to shout to be heard. Her influence was felt with a few words, delivered at the right time. The quiet confidence she steered Ed’s decision-making process was a testament to her understanding of the business and its intricacies.
Sylvia’s role might not be glamorous, but it is indispensable. It reminds us that leadership is not about being seen or heard—it’s about being effective. The most successful leaders often surround themselves with people who complement their strengths and balance their weaknesses. In Ed’s case, Sylvia wasn’t just supporting him; she was actively contributing to the bigger picture in not immediately obvious but deeply impactful ways.
The Importance of Greeting and Respect
Small gestures can have outsized consequences in every business interaction. This is especially true when dealing with high-level executives, decision-makers, or influential figures. Mr. Creighton’s call to Sylvia highlights how critical it is to extend the most basic courtesies, especially when seeking something important.
Respecting the person you’re communicating with isn’t just about politeness; it’s about establishing a rapport and demonstrating that you value them as individuals. In Ed and Sylvia’s world, these subtle yet crucial aspects of communication can determine whether an opportunity succeeds or fails. A simple greeting, an acknowledgment of someone’s presence, or a small apology for the disturbance can create a foundation for a relationship that opens doors to business opportunities.
When Mr. Creighton called, he failed to recognize the importance of these small social niceties. He inadvertently dismissed her role in the equation by neglecting to greet Sylvia properly. Even though Sylvia didn’t have the power to make the final decision, she was the gatekeeper to Ed’s attention. Her ability to communicate Ed’s perception of Creighton’s call was enough to sway the outcome of a significant charitable donation.
This story reveals a fundamental truth about human interaction: how you treat the people around you matters far more than you might think. Business is as much about relationship-building as it is about numbers, contracts, or strategies. People remember how they feel in any interaction, and if you neglect the small details—like a proper greeting—it can leave a lasting impression that influences their perception of you. In Mr. Creighton’s case, the missed opportunity wasn’t just a matter of poor manners; it was an error in judgment that cost him and his organization a potential contribution.
Ultimately, how we communicate in professional settings—both verbally and non-verbally—shapes the future of our relationships. A simple “Hello, how are you today?” or “I apologize for the interruption” can go a long way in ensuring a positive interaction. This principle doesn’t only apply in high-stakes situations with wealthy individuals or business leaders; it’s a crucial element of all professional communications.
The Subtle Power of the Spouse and Secretary
When calling someone’s home, always identify and greet the person who answers. When calling someone’s office more than once or twice, make friends with the secretary. Anybody close enough to answer the phone is close enough to sway the VIP’s opinion of you.
Technique #64 – Salute the Spouse
The real power in business doesn’t always reside in the title on a business card or the seat at the boardroom table. Sometimes, the people closest to the decision-makers—the spouse, the secretary, or the assistant—hold the key to the success or failure of critical decisions. These individuals may not appear in the spotlight, but they undeniably influence the choices that shape an organization’s future.
In Ed’s world, Sylvia wasn’t just his wife; she was a partner in every sense. She understood the nuances of his business and had a strategic mind that complemented Ed’s vision. It wasn’t just about making decisions together; Sylvia’s input often helped steer Ed in the right direction regarding major business choices. Her influence was felt subtly: a quiet suggestion, a thoughtful observation, or a timely comment at the dinner table could sway Ed’s opinion and guide his actions in ways that made a tangible difference.
The role of the secretary in this dynamic is just as powerful. Secretaries are often the first line of contact in any organization. They decide whose emails get read, whose calls get through, and which proposals are worth considering. A secretary’s opinion matters more than many people realize because they can control access to the decision-maker. The key to success in this realm is recognizing the value of these individuals and treating them with the same level of respect and courtesy that you would extend to the decision-makers themselves.
Building relationships with these gatekeepers can be as important as making an impression on the leaders. Understanding the influence of spouses and secretaries can help you navigate business interactions more effectively. Being kind, courteous, and respectful of these individuals will earn you their trust and respect, which can ensure that your proposals, ideas, and opportunities are considered seriously.
How to Navigate the Influence of the Gatekeepers
Navigating the business world requires more than understanding the power dynamics between CEOs and their direct reports. To succeed, you need to recognize the importance of the gatekeepers—the first line of contact in any business interaction. Whether it’s a spouse answering the phone at home or a secretary managing the flow of communication in the office, these individuals often have more influence than you might think.
The key to successful interactions with these gatekeepers is treating them with the same respect and courtesy you would afford the decision-makers. Acknowledging the person who answers the phone, remembering their name, and asking about their day can create a rapport that pays dividends. It’s not just about politeness; it’s about building a relationship that shows you value them as individuals, not just as a means to an end.
If you’re dealing with a secretary, try to develop a personal relationship with them. Don’t just call when you need something—take the time to check in, ask questions, and show genuine interest. These small gestures can significantly impact how the secretary perceives you and how they advocate for you when you’re not around.
Likewise, if you speak to the spouse of a decision-maker, remember that their opinion matters. They may not be making the final decision, but they play a crucial role in shaping its direction. Being kind, courteous, and respectful in your interactions with the spouse can help you gain their support, which can lead to a favorable outcome when making important decisions.
Ultimately, business success is more than who you know—it’s about how you treat the people around you. Building strong, positive relationships with the gatekeepers who influence decisions can be just as important as making a good impression on the boss. By recognizing the power these individuals hold and treating them with the respect they deserve, you’ll position yourself for success in the long run.
The Key Takeaways
The lesson here is clear: don’t overlook the people who may seem peripheral to the main decision-maker. The spouse and secretary are often the silent influencers who hold more power than you might realize. Whether you’re hoping for a job promotion, a business deal, or simply a leg up in your industry, remember that building relationships with these gatekeepers can be just as important—if not more so—than making an impression on the decision-maker themselves.
If you’re calling the home of a big shot, treat the spouse with the same courtesy you’d offer the business mogul. When dealing with a secretary, always be polite, professional, and appreciative of their time. These small gestures of respect will pay off in ways you can’t always see, but you’ll certainly feel the effects when it counts most.
In business, the smallest details can have the biggest impact. Understanding who has the power behind the scenes could be the key to unlocking opportunities you never thought possible.
This article is part of the How to Talk to Anyone Series based on Leil Lowndes’ book.