In the bustling streets of ancient Rome, a man named Tiberius once approached the renowned Stoic philosopher Epictetus, who was preparing for a journey to Greece, received Tiberius’s distressing news with a patient demeanor. Tiberius lamented, “Master Epictetus, I’ve lost everything! A fire destroyed my house, and all my belongings are gone. I’m ruined!” In his characteristic wisdom, Epictetus responded, “Tiberius, you are grieving over things that were never truly yours.”
Tiberius, understandably confused, countered, “What do you mean? I worked hard for many years to acquire those possessions. Of course, they were mine!” Epictetus shook his head gently and continued, “Everything in this world is borrowed. Our homes, possessions, loved ones, and even our bodies are temporary gifts we take care of until the assigner takes them away, which can happen at any moment. You’re not entitled to any of these things. You’re only entitled to what’s truly yours – your opinions, attitude, pursuits, and your own actions and choices.”
For most individuals, accepting that the things they feel entitled to have (or not have) are, in reality, not owed to them can be an arduous task. In our contemporary world, the sense of entitlement appears rampant, often emphasizing selfish demands and personal gains over collective benefits or contentment with what one already possesses. Society consistently reinforces this belief, persuading us that life owes us many things. Consequently, when we don’t receive what we desire, we become outraged and offended and tend to assign blame for our misery.
The Illusion of Ownership
The concept of ownership, as we understand it, is largely a social construct designed to provide structure and stability in a material world. From the day we are born, we are conditioned to think of the things we acquire—our possessions, our status, our relationships—as our rightful property. But in the eyes of Stoic philosophers, this perception is not only misguided but also a source of unnecessary suffering.
Epictetus’ interaction with Tiberius exemplifies the core Stoic idea that nothing in life is truly “ours” in an absolute sense. Tiberius had worked tirelessly to acquire wealth, build his home, and gather possessions, only to have everything lost in a single, catastrophic event. His grief was rooted in a belief that he was entitled to these things, and when they were taken away, he felt as though the world had unjustly deprived him.
However, Epictetus introduced him to a different perspective: “You are grieving over things that were never truly yours.” This statement challenges the very foundation of Tiberius’s distress. What the Stoics understand, and what Epictetus highlights, is that everything in this world is transient. Our homes, our bodies, and even our loved ones are borrowed, not owned. We are merely caretakers, entrusted with these things for a fleeting moment. To cling to them, to identify ourselves with them, is to set ourselves up for inevitable disappointment.
This realization is not about detachment from all things, nor is it an argument to abandon possessions or relationships. Rather, it invites us to reflect on the temporary nature of everything. The key to peace, according to Stoicism, is not in holding tightly to possessions or circumstances, but in recognizing their impermanence. When we internalize this idea, we no longer define our worth by what we have or what we’ve lost, but by our ability to navigate the ebb and flow of life with dignity and equanimity.
By accepting that nothing in life is permanent, we free ourselves from the illusion of ownership. This allows us to cherish what we have, while remaining aware that we do not own it. The Stoic practice encourages us to take better care of the things we are temporarily entrusted with, without becoming overly attached to them. This mindset shift helps prevent unnecessary emotional turmoil when circumstances change, as they inevitably will.
The Culture of Entitlement
In the modern world, entitlement has become almost ingrained in our daily lives. We are often told, through advertising, social media, and cultural norms, that we deserve success, wealth, respect, and happiness simply because we exist. This pervasive attitude forms the basis of what we commonly refer to as “entitlement”—the belief that we are owed something, that the world must meet our desires, and that any failure to do so is an injustice.
The cultural landscape today amplifies these notions. We see constant messaging that promotes the idea that we deserve more—whether it’s more money, more recognition, or more pleasure. This sense of entitlement can manifest in many ways: material, social, or even emotional. We might believe that we deserve a particular lifestyle, a perfect relationship, or the admiration of others, and when life doesn’t deliver these things, we feel as though we’ve been wronged.
This attitude creates an unspoken contract with the world: if we do X, we are entitled to Y. If we work hard, we deserve success. If we are good people, we deserve respect and love. Yet, the world does not operate by this simple formula. There is no universal law that guarantees that hard work will always result in success, or that kindness will always be reciprocated.
The Stoics understood this all too well. They recognized that entitlement is based on false beliefs and assumptions. It is not grounded in reality but in our desires and perceptions of what we “deserve.” The belief that we are entitled to something leads us down a dangerous path, one filled with disappointment and frustration. The more we attach ourselves to these expectations, the more we set ourselves up for misery when reality fails to meet them.
Entitlement also fosters an unhealthy focus on ourselves and our desires. In a world that emphasizes the self, it’s easy to forget that we are part of a larger whole, that the world does not revolve around us. By shifting our focus away from what we think we deserve and towards a more Stoic mindset of acceptance and gratitude, we free ourselves from the prison of entitlement. The Stoics did not encourage us to abandon our desires altogether but to recognize that what we “deserve” is not a matter of entitlement but of what we can control—our attitudes, actions, and responses.
In a society that constantly pushes the narrative of deserving more, Stoicism offers a refreshing counterpoint: the things we want are not owed to us, and the more we cling to the idea that we deserve them, the more we will suffer when we don’t get them.
The Stoic Perspective: Letting Go of Expectations
One of the foundational principles of Stoicism is the distinction between what is within our control and what is not. According to Epictetus, the only true ownership we have in this life lies in our own thoughts, attitudes, and actions. Everything else—our possessions, our relationships, our external circumstances—is beyond our control. This realization is both liberating and humbling.
The Stoic approach to life challenges the common notion of entitlement by suggesting that our suffering stems from our attachment to things that are not truly ours to begin with. Epictetus advises his followers to focus on their own behavior, to cultivate virtues like wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance, and to release their attachment to external outcomes. This philosophy is simple, yet powerful: we should not desire things that are outside our control because they do not belong to us.
For example, Tiberius believed that his material possessions were his rightful property, something he had earned through his hard work. Yet when they were taken away, he was devastated. Epictetus’s point is that his suffering arose not from the loss itself but from his mistaken belief that he was entitled to those things. The possessions were never his to keep, and therefore, he could not truly be deprived of them. What Tiberius had control over, however, was his response to the situation. He could choose to accept the loss, to let go of his attachment, and to focus on what was within his control—his attitude and his actions going forward.
The Stoic perspective teaches us to let go of expectations that are tied to things outside our control. When we demand that life unfold according to our desires, we set ourselves up for disappointment. By relinquishing the need to control external events, we gain freedom. We are no longer slaves to the whims of fortune, the actions of others, or the uncertainty of life. Instead, we become masters of our own responses, which is where true peace lies.
This practice of letting go is not about passivity or resignation. It’s about recognizing the difference between what is within our power and what is not. We can choose how we respond to life’s challenges, but we cannot control the challenges themselves. By accepting this reality, we free ourselves from the mental and emotional burdens of entitlement and embrace a more serene and fulfilling way of living.
Reducing Attachment to Material Desires
The Stoic teaching on reducing attachment to material desires is one of the most transformative principles for those seeking a more content and less stressful life. At the heart of this idea is the recognition that our possessions, although useful and enjoyable, do not define us. In fact, our attachment to them can be a source of suffering. The more we cling to material goods, the more we risk becoming vulnerable to the whims of fate, which can take them away at any time.
The story of the Roman senator who detached himself from his wealth and adopted a simpler lifestyle illustrates the profound impact of this practice. Initially, he was terrified at the thought of living without his luxurious lifestyle. He feared that he would suffer from a lack of comfort, that he would feel deprived or incomplete. Yet, after only a short period of living modestly, eating simple food, wearing plain clothes, and abstaining from his usual indulgences, he found that his fear of poverty was largely unfounded. In fact, he discovered that he was capable of experiencing happiness and peace without the trappings of wealth. The lifestyle he had once feared was no longer a burden but a source of personal freedom.
This detachment from material wealth is not about denying oneself the pleasures of life. It’s about learning not to rely on them for our happiness. When we reduce our attachment to possessions, we also reduce our vulnerability to losing them. This doesn’t mean we should reject all material goods, but rather that we should stop identifying with them. Our worth is not in what we have, but in who we are and how we choose to live.
The key to reducing attachment to material desires lies in re-framing our understanding of what brings us happiness. Instead of seeking fulfillment through acquiring more, we can cultivate contentment by focusing on what we already have and what truly brings us joy—relationships, personal growth, knowledge, and inner peace. The Stoics teach us that true wealth is found in simplicity. The less we need, the less we are at the mercy of the unpredictable fluctuations of fortune. By letting go of the need for more, we find freedom in the present moment and a sense of peace that no material possession can provide.
Cultivating Contentment in Simplicity
In a world that constantly pushes for more—more wealth, more status, more possessions—the Stoic ideal of contentment in simplicity is both countercultural and profoundly liberating. The Stoics, especially Seneca, argued that the highest form of happiness comes from living a life that is not dependent on external conditions. The less we need, the less vulnerable we are to the ever-changing tides of fortune.
Seneca’s advice on cultivating contentment through simplicity is grounded in the understanding that wealth and material possessions do not guarantee happiness. Instead of chasing after the fleeting pleasures that wealth can bring, we are encouraged to find joy in the most basic and enduring aspects of life. In his writings, Seneca described the happiness that comes from reducing one’s desires to a minimum—living simply, appreciating the little things, and deriving satisfaction from the intrinsic joys of life rather than external validation or possessions.
For example, Seneca’s notion of finding joy in the simplest things can be seen in his recommendation to embrace the concept of “intimacy with poverty.” By temporarily detaching from wealth, or voluntarily living in modest conditions, we learn to appreciate the value of the essentials. This does not mean rejecting all comforts but instead learning that our happiness does not depend on luxury. When we stop depending on material wealth for happiness, we become less susceptible to the anxiety that comes with the fear of losing it.
In the context of modern life, this practice of simplifying our needs can offer profound benefits. In a culture obsessed with consumerism, Stoic simplicity reminds us that we can find satisfaction in small pleasures. A quiet evening with loved ones, a walk in nature, a good book, or a peaceful moment of reflection—these are the things that contribute most to a fulfilling life, yet they are often overshadowed by the chase for more.
To cultivate contentment in simplicity, it is essential to shift our focus away from acquiring more and instead embrace what we already have. By practicing gratitude for the things that truly matter—our health, relationships, and inner peace—we can find satisfaction in a life of relative simplicity. In doing so, we reduce the influence of external factors on our happiness and come to realize that the most valuable things in life cannot be bought, but must be nurtured through intentional living and self-awareness.
Entitlement and Interconnectedness
One of the central tenets of Stoicism is the idea that we are all interconnected. The Stoics believed that humans are not isolated beings but part of a larger, interconnected universe where our actions impact one another. This perspective, when applied to the issue of entitlement, radically shifts the way we view ourselves and others. Instead of seeing the world as a place where we must demand our fair share, we learn to see it as a collective whole where mutual respect, empathy, and cooperation are vital to our well-being.
Marcus Aurelius, one of the most prominent Stoic philosophers, frequently wrote about the interconnectedness of all life. He understood that our actions have consequences beyond ourselves and that we are part of a greater community. This recognition of interconnectedness is fundamentally at odds with the mindset of entitlement, which tends to focus solely on individual needs and desires. When we view life as a network of relationships and interdependent actions, entitlement loses its grip. We begin to see that what we are owed is not necessarily material goods or preferential treatment, but a sense of shared responsibility for the collective well-being.
Epictetus, in his teachings, often reminded his students that our relationships with others should be seen through the lens of mutual respect, not expectation. For example, if we feel entitled to certain behaviors or attitudes from those we love, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. Instead, Epictetus encouraged his followers to focus on their own conduct and attitudes. When someone wrongs us, it is our own attitude that causes us to suffer, not the wrong itself. This insight can be applied to all our relationships—family, friends, colleagues, and even strangers. When we stop expecting others to treat us a certain way, we free ourselves from the emotional turmoil of unmet expectations.
The Stoic view of interconnectedness also helps us understand that entitlement is not just a personal issue, but a societal one. In a world where everyone is focused on their own desires and needs, it becomes easy to overlook the needs of others. However, by embracing the idea of interconnectedness, we begin to shift our focus from individual entitlement to collective responsibility. We become more attuned to the needs and well-being of others, and in doing so, we reduce the sense of entitlement that can divide us.
When we recognize that our actions have a ripple effect on the world around us, we begin to see entitlement for what it is—an illusion rooted in selfishness. True peace and contentment come from living in harmony with others, acknowledging that we are all part of the same human experience, and working together for the common good. This interconnectedness helps us let go of the illusion that the world owes us something, and instead, we learn to give more freely and without expectation.
Finding Peace in Acceptance
Acceptance is perhaps the most powerful tool in the Stoic toolkit for overcoming entitlement. Epictetus’ famous advice to “ask not that events should happen as you will, but let your will be that events should happen as they do” encapsulates the essence of Stoic thought on acceptance. It is not the events themselves that cause us suffering, but our resistance to them. When we fight against what life presents to us, when we demand that things go according to our plan, we set ourselves up for frustration, disappointment, and inner turmoil.
The Stoics teach that peace comes not from the world conforming to our desires, but from accepting the world as it is. This doesn’t mean resigning ourselves to a passive life or being indifferent to injustice. Rather, it means accepting that there are things beyond our control and learning to find peace in the face of those things. By letting go of the need to control the uncontrollable, we free ourselves from the frustration that arises when life doesn’t meet our expectations.
This acceptance is a key antidote to entitlement. When we feel entitled to specific outcomes—whether it’s respect from others, financial success, or a perfect relationship—we are setting ourselves up for suffering. When life inevitably falls short of our expectations, we become angry, disappointed, and resentful. But by practicing acceptance, we learn to let go of our demands and embrace what is. We stop fighting against life’s unpredictable nature and instead focus on how we can respond to it with grace and resilience.
Acceptance also leads to greater peace in our relationships. When we stop expecting others to meet our needs or live up to our ideals, we free ourselves from the emotional rollercoaster of disappointment. Instead of demanding that others treat us the way we believe we deserve, we accept them as they are and focus on how we can cultivate our own peace. This practice of acceptance allows us to move through life with greater calm, knowing that our peace does not depend on the fulfillment of our desires, but on our ability to accept and adapt to whatever comes our way.
Conclusion: The Stoic Path to Freedom
In the end, the Stoic view on entitlement is clear: it is not what we desire that defines us, but how we respond to what we already have. By letting go of our attachment to material things, social status, and the approval of others, we can break free from the chains of entitlement. We realize that we don’t deserve anything more than what we have the power to control—our own thoughts, attitudes, and actions.
In embracing this philosophy, we unlock the true freedom to live in harmony with the world, finding peace not in what we possess, but in what we can give. This, according to Stoic thought, is the path to true happiness.