We’ve all experienced it—when a conversation falls flat, whether with a friend or a business contact. On the other end of the line, the person’s voice seems distant, lifeless, or just plain disengaged. You know something’s missing, but what? It’s the energy, the expressions, the body language—the essence of communication that typically flows seamlessly when you’re in the same room. However, once you’re on the phone, all that is gone. So, how can you bring it back? How can you sound more engaging and captivating over the phone? The answer lies in translating your physical presence into the auditory realm, effectively turning your voice into a vibrant extension of your personality.
The Importance of Adapting to Your Medium
Tina’s experience with the off-Broadway production provides a prime example of why it’s critical to adjust your communication style based on your environment. The show succeeded in its original setting due to the actors’ ability to convey deep emotions through subtle facial expressions, small gestures, and understated body language. This works well in an intimate, small-scale theater where every movement is magnified due to the audience’s proximity. The audience could easily detect the smallest cues, allowing them to connect deeply with the actors and the story being told. These small, nuanced actions moved people to tears or laughter because the audience could perceive the subtleties, making the performances appear natural, raw, and heartfelt.
However, when the show moved to Broadway, it encountered a new challenge: the size of the theater. Broadway venues typically have large stages with hundreds or even thousands of seats, creating a vast, impersonal distance between the actors and the audience. In such a grand environment, subtle gestures that worked well in the smaller theater were lost, and the intimacy the show thrived on vanished. Without a major adjustment in the actors’ delivery, the same performances no longer had the same emotional impact. The gestures and expressions that once connected with the audience were ineffective in reaching the back rows, where the audience couldn’t see the nuances. The actors needed to adapt their performances, amplifying their gestures and emotions to fit the grand scale of Broadway. By failing to do so, the show lost the magic that made it stand out in the off-Broadway theater.
This adaptation is not exclusive to theater. It’s a lesson that applies to all forms of communication, including speaking on the phone. Just as the actors failed to adjust their performances for the bigger stage, your message might not land as intended if you don’t adapt your communication style to the medium you’re using. On the phone, for example, you lose the visual aspect of communication—no facial expressions, hand gestures, or body language. Instead, you must use your voice to replace those lost elements and ensure your message comes across clearly and effectively. In short, the medium changes the message, and adjusting your communication to suit the platform is crucial.
Why Your Voice Needs to Do More on the Phone
When talking to someone in person, your body language plays a significant role in conveying emotion. You don’t have to say much—sometimes, a raised eyebrow, a shrug, or a smile can communicate your feelings better than words ever could. This is especially true when you’re connecting with someone; your body language, facial expressions, and even your posture all contribute to how your message is received. However, the absence of these non-verbal cues on the phone creates a challenge: how do you convey the same depth of emotion and engagement without physical gestures?
Research shows that approximately 30 percent of the energy in your voice is lost when you communicate over the phone. That means if you speak the same way you would in person, your tone may sound flat or disinterested on the other end. Without the ability to use your facial expressions or body language to complement your message, you have to make up for it by enhancing your vocal energy. This is why sounding engaging over the phone can sometimes be more complicated than in-person conversations—it’s a challenge to make your personality shine through when all you have to rely on is your voice.
Think of it this way: imagine meeting someone in person for the first time. You shake hands, make eye contact, and smile. These small gestures and your body language communicate warmth, friendliness, and attentiveness. Now, if you were blindfolded and had your hands tied behind your back, you’d lose the ability to rely on these cues. You’d have to find other ways to show interest, agreement, and engagement. The same is true on the phone—you must adjust by using your voice to fill the gaps left by the absence of body language and facial expressions. This requires extra effort to ensure your emotions and personality still come through as clearly as they would in person.
Talking Gestures: Turning Your Expressions into Sound
Think of yourself as the star of a personal radio drama every time you pick up the phone. If you want to come across as engaging as you are, you must turn your smiles into sound, your nods into noise, and all your gestures into something your listener can hear. You must replace your gestures with talk. Then punch up the whole act 30 percent!
Technique #60 – Talking Gestures
When you’re speaking on the phone, the challenge is clear: you can’t use physical gestures to convey emotions, reactions, or thoughts. In person, you might smile to show friendliness, nod to indicate agreement, or raise an eyebrow to express surprise. These non-verbal cues help the listener understand your feelings and connect with you more easily. But you have no visual contact on the phone, which means you must transform those gestures into verbal expressions that convey the same emotion or meaning.
The key to this transformation is to incorporate “Talking Gestures”—a technique that involves verbalizing what would typically be conveyed through body language. Like an actor on stage who has to adapt their performance for a different setting, you need to amplify your emotions through your voice and words. Here’s how you can replace non-verbal cues with talking gestures:
Smiling: Smiling is a universal sign of warmth and friendliness. You can communicate this warmth on the phone by adding a smile to your voice. While speaking, try to lift the pitch and tempo of your voice as if you’re smiling. For example, saying, “That’s funny!” or “I’m so happy you told me that!” gives the listener a sense of your happiness or warmth. Your voice should sound bright, positive, and open—just as it would if you were smiling in person.
Nodding in Agreement: In face-to-face conversations, we naturally nod when we agree or understand something. On the phone, however, you can replace this gesture with phrases like “Uh-huh,” “I see,” or “That makes sense.” These expressions signal to the listener that you’re actively listening and engaging with what they’re saying. You can also vary the tone and speed of these phrases to reflect your level of engagement. A quick “Uh-huh” suggests you follow along, while a more thoughtful “I see” indicates you’re processing the information.
Surprise or Shock: When something surprises or shocks you in person, you might widen your eyes or raise an eyebrow. On the phone, however, you can translate that surprise into words. Use expressions like “No way!” or “I can’t believe that!” and let your voice rise in pitch to show your astonishment. When someone shares something unexpected, let your voice reflect that by using heightened intonation or pauses for emphasis. This will let the listener know you’re genuinely surprised.
Admiration or Appreciation: In a face-to-face conversation, you might give someone an appreciative look, nod, or smile when they say something impressive. On the phone, you need to translate this admiration into words. Compliment the speaker by saying something like “That’s brilliant!” or “You’re really onto something here!” Your tone should reflect respect and be warm and genuine to show that you’re impressed. This lets the listener know that you recognize their intelligence or insight, which builds rapport.
Interest or Curiosity: Just like leaning forward to show interest in someone’s story, you can express curiosity on the phone by saying phrases like “Tell me more!” or “That’s interesting!” Your voice should indicate that you’re eager to hear more, signaling to the speaker that you’re engaged and actively listening. These phrases encourage further conversation and keep the dialogue flowing, letting the speaker know you’re genuinely interested in their perspective.
These verbal cues replace the non-verbal communication typically conveyed through gestures, allowing you to keep the conversation dynamic and engaging. The goal is to make the listener feel like they are receiving the full range of your emotions, even though they can’t see you. The more expressive you are with your words, the more likely you are to connect on a deeper level with the person on the other end of the line.
Enhancing Your Communication on the Phone
Maintaining an engaging conversation over the phone requires more than just using the right words. You need to manage the flow and energy of your voice to ensure the listener stays interested and connected. There are no body movements, facial expressions, or physical gestures on the phone to distract from your message. This means that your voice becomes the primary tool for conveying all the emotions, excitement, and enthusiasm that would otherwise be communicated with non-verbal cues.
One of the easiest ways to enhance your communication is by varying your tone and pitch. When you speak with a varied tone, it’s easier for the listener to stay engaged. A monotonous voice can sound dull and uninviting, while a dynamic voice creates an energetic atmosphere. To do this, modulate your pitch and speed based on the context of your conversation. For instance, when you’re excited or sharing something exciting, your voice should rise in pitch and speed up. Conversely, slow down your speech and lower your tone to add weight and emphasis when you’re sharing something important or serious.
Also, remember to incorporate pauses into your conversations. In-person, we often use nonverbal cues like a raised eyebrow or a thoughtful expression during pauses to show we’re reflecting or processing information. Over the phone, you can achieve the same effect with well-timed pauses. This gives your listener time to digest what you’ve said and respond accordingly. A pause can also signal that you’re thinking carefully about what the other person is saying, which helps create a more thoughtful, engaged conversation.
In addition, emphasize keywords to highlight important points. If you want to make something stand out or show its significance, stress it with your voice. For example, when sharing a surprise, say, “That was amazing,” emphasizing “amazing.” This vocal emphasis draws more attention to the word, allowing it to resonate more deeply with your listener.
These strategies are essential for keeping your conversation interesting and engaging. They ensure that your voice conveys not just the content of your words but also the emotions and energy behind them.
Conclusion: Putting It All Together
Mastering the art of phone communication is about more than just getting your message across. It’s about creating a connection, building rapport, and ensuring that the person on the other end of the line feels the energy and enthusiasm they would have had if you were speaking face-to-face. Translating non-verbal cues into verbal ones makes the conversation more dynamic and engaging, ensuring your message is heard loud and clear.
By using these techniques—varying your tone, exaggerating your emotions, and using verbal cues to replace body language—you can make every phone call feel like a meaningful conversation. So, the next time you pick up the phone, think of it as your stage and your voice as the performance. Ensure it’s filled with the energy, enthusiasm, and personality to leave a lasting impression.
This article is part of the How to Talk to Anyone Series based on Leil Lowndes’ book.