In a world where interactions are often brief and fleeting, the ability to make a lasting impression is a rare and valuable skill. We all attend events, meet new people, and exchange pleasantries, but few take the time to go beyond the surface. One individual, Joe, a political fundraiser attendee, exemplified the power of personalization and genuine connection. Through simple but deliberate actions—like scribbling down a detail about someone’s favorite wine or a funny anecdote shared in passing—he created meaningful relationships that extended far beyond the event itself. This subtle art of remembering and following up on the details of others’ lives is something anyone can master, and it’s an approach that can transform how you build rapport, whether in business or personal settings.
Leil’s Encounter with Joe
A few years ago, Leil attended a political fund-raising event in the heart of the Midwest. One individual stood out like a puzzle among the eclectic mix of guests. His behavior was intriguing, to say the least. Leil couldn’t help but notice that he would engage in animated conversations with one group of people and then abruptly switch to standing alone, jotting something down on a card clutched in his hand. Moments later, he’d rejoin another conversation as if nothing had happened, only to return to his scribbling. This pattern repeated for over an hour, leaving Leil curious like a cat in a mouse hole.
As the evening progressed, Leil stood alone by the refreshment table. Suddenly, an enigmatic guest approached her with a broad smile and a warm handshake. “Hi, I’m Joe Smith,” he introduced himself. Polite and engaging, he inquired about Leil’s drink of choice and discussed her preferences. During their conversation, Leil mentioned that her favorite white wine was Sancerre.
Curiosity gnawed at Leil, and she had to suppress the urge to ask him about his cryptic note-taking. A few minutes later, she spotted a friend across the room and used it as an excuse to step away. Joe asked for Leil’s business card, and as she walked away, she sneaked a peek over her shoulder. There he was, scribbling on her card. The opportunity had presented itself. Leil turned back, attempting to pass her inquiry off as a jest, and said, “Hey, I didn’t give you my measurements. What’s that you’re writing?”
Joe responded with a hearty laugh, acknowledging Leil’s playful inquiry. He turned her card over, revealing a single word scrawled on it: “Sancerre.” He emptied his pocket to quell Leil’s lingering suspicion, revealing a collection of business cards with scribbles on the back. It appeared to be Joe’s unique system that helped him remember people. Little did Leil know the genius behind his method until months later.
One morning, Leil opened her mailbox to find a personal postcard from Joe. He shared the exciting news that he was running for state senator in it. At the bottom of the card, he had penned, “Had any good Sancerre lately?” It was a simple, thoughtful touch that won Leil’s heart. If she had been a resident of his state, a gesture like that could have swayed her vote in his favor.
The Subtle Art of Connection
How we connect with others at any event, whether a professional gathering, a political fundraiser, or a casual social setting, can profoundly impact our personal and professional lives. Joe’s behavior at the fundraising event wasn’t about dominating the room or seeking attention; it was about weaving connections in the quietest, most unassuming way. He didn’t have to be the center of the conversation to make an impression. Instead, he observed and adapted, responding to the social cues around him with remarkable finesse.
His ability to seamlessly switch between engaging in animated discussions and retreating into his thoughts was deliberate. It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested in the conversations—far from it. Rather, he was taking time to process the interactions, to digest the information shared, and to remember the people he encountered. The real art of connection isn’t just about what you say; it’s about how you listen and what you choose to retain. While others may have been rushing through introductions and surface-level interactions, Joe was focused on building a mental archive of shared experiences and details that would later prove invaluable.
When you truly pay attention to someone, you’re signaling that you value their words and their story. The conversations Joe participated in weren’t superficial small talk—they were opportunities for him to learn about the people he was interacting with to uncover what made them unique. And that, ultimately, built his reputation as someone who could be trusted to follow up in meaningful ways. Whether in a casual or professional setting, the ability to genuinely listen and engage with others will always set you apart.
The Power of Personalization
Personalization is often cited as a key component in any successful professional or personal relationship. But Joe took this idea a step further by embedding it into the fabric of his interactions. In this context, personalization wasn’t just about remembering a name or a favorite hobby—it was about turning fleeting details into lasting connections. When he scribbled the word “Sancerre” on my business card, it wasn’t just a note to remind him of our conversation but an acknowledgment of something I valued and enjoyed. He was saying, “I hear you, I see you, and I remember you.”
This simple but powerful gesture worked because it showed that Joe cared beyond the formalities. Personalization cuts through the noise in a world full of generic interactions, where most exchanges revolve around titles, positions, and accomplishments. You show the other person that they matter when you reference something specific from a previous conversation—a favorite drink, a shared experience, or even a joke. It’s a way to break down the barriers of formality and make someone feel like they are more than just another name on a list.
What’s often overlooked in our fast-paced world is that personalization can be surprisingly easy. It doesn’t take much more than listening attentively and noting what matters to the other person. Personalization can sometimes be the difference between a fleeting connection and one that grows into something more meaningful. By remembering details and using them in future interactions, you demonstrate that you value what someone can do for you and who they are.
The Business Card Dossier
Right after you’ve talked to someone at a party, take out your pen. On the back of his or her business card write notes to remind you of the conversation: his favorite restaurant, sport, movie, or drink; whom she admires, where she grew up, a high school honor; or maybe a joke he told. In your next communication, toss off a reference to the favorite restaurant, sport, movie, drink, hometown,high school honor. Or reprieve the laugh over the great joke.
Technique #76 – The Business Card Dossier
The business card exchange, an often impersonal and transactional aspect of networking, can be a goldmine if used thoughtfully. Most people treat business cards as a mere formality, exchanging them with little thought beyond the basic information they contain. However, Joe’s writing of personal details on the back of each card transformed what is typically a rote act into a strategic move. The back of the business card became a personalized dossier—a collection of tidbits and nuances that could later fuel more meaningful conversations.
The key to Joe’s system was immediacy. He didn’t wait until later to write down the details he learned from someone. He tried to jot them down as soon as the conversation ended while the memory was still fresh. This allowed him to ensure that the information was accurate and that no crucial detail was overlooked. These small notes didn’t just capture factual information—they reflected the essence of the conversation: what made the other person unique, what resonated with them, and what they cared about.
This strategy can be a powerful tool in any professional setting. The next time you attend a networking event or meet someone for a potential business opportunity, don’t let the business card exchange end with just the basics. Take a moment to write down key details about the conversation on the back of the card. This can include anything from the person’s favorite movie or vacation spot to a memorable personal story they shared. These small notes will not only help you recall the conversation later but also allow you to deepen your relationship in subsequent communications. Imagine sending a follow-up email and referencing something personal—a trip they mentioned or an interest you discussed—rather than just sending a generic thank-you note. It’s a subtle but powerful way to differentiate yourself and leave a lasting impression.
Eyeball Selling: The Secret Weapon of Politicians
Politicians are often associated with grandiose speeches, promises of change, and campaign slogans. Still, the real work of selling oneself doesn’t happen in front of a crowd—it happens in the quiet, individual moments that build a deeper connection with voters. This is where “Eyeball Selling” comes into play. It’s a concept rooted in the ability to see and understand the person on the other side of the handshake, to look beyond the surface and connect with them on a human level. For politicians, this means offering policies and a genuine connection that resonates with voters’ experiences and concerns.
The effectiveness of Eyeball Selling lies in its personal touch. Politicians who master this technique don’t just see voters as potential supporters—they see them as individuals with distinct needs, desires, and dreams. By engaging in meaningful conversations and making a point to remember small details about each person, they create a sense of kinship and familiarity that goes beyond the usual political rhetoric. This level of attentiveness fosters trust and loyalty, which are far more powerful than any empty promise.
This approach doesn’t require grand gestures or elaborate promises; instead, it’s about showing voters they are seen as individuals with voices that matter. It’s about engaging with them on a level that transcends the political campaign. For example, a candidate who remembers a voter’s name, a key personal detail, or a shared joke creates a sense of continuity and personalization that makes the voter feel valued—not just as a supporter but as a person.
The principle of Eyeball Selling can be applied in various contexts by anyone, not just politicians. Whether you’re trying to build a personal brand, strengthen your business relationships, or become more connected with the people around you, this approach reminds you to invest in the people, not just the transaction. A small personal connection can build a foundation of trust and loyalty that outlasts any short-term objective.
The Importance of Personalized Follow-Up
What distinguishes ordinary networking from truly effective relationship-building is the follow-up. It’s the difference between collecting business cards and cultivating lasting relationships. Joe’s method of writing personal details on the back of business cards wasn’t just for memory’s sake; it was part of a broader strategy of keeping relationships alive through thoughtful and personalized follow-ups. A follow-up isn’t just a polite gesture—it’s a strategic move to continue the conversation, reinforce the connection, and demonstrate that you value the person beyond the initial interaction.
Personalized follow-up extends the life of what could be a fleeting conversation. When you reach out to someone after an initial meeting and mention something specific from your last interaction, you show that you’ve made an effort to remember them and care enough to continue the relationship. This doesn’t have to be elaborate—sometimes, a simple reference to something they said or a detail they shared is enough to make a strong impression.
This approach works in both personal and professional contexts. Imagine following up with a potential client or colleague by mentioning something personal they shared during your meeting—perhaps a trip they mentioned or a hobby they enjoy. This attention to detail makes your communication stand out from the flood of generic emails and follow-up messages that people typically receive. It shows that you’re genuinely interested in the person, not just the transaction. And it lays the foundation for a relationship built on trust and understanding.
By remembering the small things and mentioning them in your follow-up messages, you reinforce the connection and set the stage for future interactions rooted in mutual respect and rapport. This approach turns a one-time meeting into the start of something more meaningful and long-lasting.
Conclusion
The power of personalization lies not just in remembering names or titles but in recalling the small, meaningful details that make people feel truly seen. Joe’s method of jotting down notes on business cards wasn’t just a technique for memory but a strategy for connection. By taking the time to personalize every interaction, we don’t just make ourselves memorable—we make others feel valued and important. Whether networking, building a professional relationship, or deepening a personal bond, remembering the small things will always be the key to making a lasting impression. This simple practice can set you apart in a world full of superficial exchanges, creating connections that endure long after the conversation ends.
This article is part of the How to Talk to Anyone Series based on Leil Lowndes’ book.