In the tumultuous sea of existence, where waves of uncertainty crash against the shores of our consciousness, Epictetus emerges as a beacon of Stoic wisdom, offering guidance on how to navigate the tempestuous waters of life with grace and resilience. His words resonate with timeless relevance, reminding us that true stability and tranquility stem not from external circumstances but from the mastery of our own reasoned choices and judgments.
“For if a person shifts their caution to their own reasoned choices and the acts of those choices, they will at the same time gain the will to avoid, but if they shift their caution away from their own reasoned choices to things not under their control, seeking to avoid what is controlled by others, they will then be agitated, fearful, and unstable.”
—EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 2.1.12
The Paradox of Control
Epictetus’ observation on control underscores a fundamental aspect of human psychology: our ability to influence our choices versus our attempt to control external variables. This distinction is crucial for understanding personal stability and serenity.
When we focus on our own reasoned choices—decisions made based on personal values, logic, and reflective thought—we engage in self-governance that promotes stability. This internal locus of control means that our peace of mind relies on our capacity to make deliberate decisions and act according to our principles. By concentrating on our responses and actions, we create a stable foundation that is less susceptible to external disturbances.
In contrast, when individuals shift their attention to factors beyond their control—such as the behavior of others, economic fluctuations, or natural disasters—they set themselves up for inevitable frustration and instability. These external elements are unpredictable and uncontrollable, and fixating on them can lead to heightened anxiety and a sense of helplessness. For example, worrying about how others perceive you or the outcome of a situation you cannot influence only diverts energy away from what you can control: your own responses and attitudes.
The paradox lies in the realization that true stability comes not from altering external conditions but from mastering one’s internal reactions. When we invest in understanding and controlling our responses, we achieve a form of resilience that enables us to remain steady despite the chaos around us. This internal focus fosters a sense of empowerment and composure, allowing us to navigate life’s uncertainties more easily.
The Stoic Paradigm: Serenity Amidst Chaos
The Stoic philosophy presents a compelling counter-narrative to the romanticized image of tranquility associated with Zen philosophy. While Zen often depicts serenity as a product of isolated environments and aesthetic simplicity, Stoicism suggests that true peace is found in how we engage with the world rather than escaping it.
The Stoic ideal involves immersing oneself in the complexities of life while maintaining an inner calm. This can be illustrated through various historical and contemporary examples. For instance, consider a senator in the forum who deals with political strife and public scrutiny and remains composed and focused on his duties. Similarly, a soldier’s wife, enduring the anxiety of her partner’s absence, finds solace in her resilience and support for her family. These individuals exemplify the Stoic principle that peace comes from within and is not dependent on a serene environment.
Stoicism teaches that external events are beyond our control, but our reactions to these events are within our power. This perspective encourages individuals to focus on cultivating inner strength and stability. The Stoic approach trains the mind to remain steady and centered despite external chaos. This inner peace is not about denying the existence of external challenges but about developing the mental fortitude to handle them gracefully.
The Illusion of External Tranquility
The pursuit of external tranquility—believing that one can achieve peace by removing all sources of stress—is a pervasive misconception. Many individuals invest significant time and effort into creating a perfect environment, free from conflict and disruption, in the hopes that such an environment will bring lasting serenity. However, this approach is fundamentally flawed because external conditions are inherently unstable and unpredictable.
Life is replete with challenges and uncertainties, and attempting to escape from these realities often leads to a never-ending cycle of relocation or avoidance. For example, someone who continually changes jobs, relationships, or living situations in search of an ideal state of peace may find that their problems follow them, manifesting in new forms. This constant quest for an unobtainable perfection can increase stress and dissatisfaction.
Stoicism offers an alternative by advocating for a shift in focus from external conditions to internal regulation. By accepting that some elements of life are beyond our control and concentrating on how we respond to them, we can achieve a more stable and enduring sense of peace. This approach involves embracing life’s challenges as opportunities for growth and learning rather than obstacles to be avoided.
Cultivating Internal Stability
Cultivating internal stability is a proactive process that involves several key practices and principles. This process begins with developing self-awareness and clearly understanding one’s values, goals, and limitations. By gaining insight into what truly matters, we can make decisions that align with our core principles and foster a sense of inner harmony.
One essential practice for cultivating internal stability is mindfulness. Mindfulness involves paying deliberate attention to our thoughts, emotions, and reactions, allowing us to recognize and manage our responses to external stimuli. Techniques such as meditation, journaling, and self-reflection can help individuals cultivate this awareness and develop a more resilient mindset.
Another crucial aspect is building resilience through acceptance and adaptability. Embracing the reality that challenges and disruptions are a natural part of life allows us to approach them with a balanced perspective. By focusing on what we can control—our attitudes, decisions, and actions—we develop the capacity to navigate difficulties with grace and composure.
Cultivating internal stability also involves setting and maintaining personal boundaries. Understanding and respecting our limits prevents us from being overwhelmed by external pressures. This practice helps preserve our mental and emotional well-being, ensuring that we remain centered and steady despite adversity.
In summary, internal stability is achieved through self-awareness, mindfulness, resilience, and boundary-setting. By investing in these practices, individuals can develop a robust inner framework that supports lasting serenity and composure, regardless of external circumstances.
Daily Stoic Meditation: What are the Sources of Unsteadiness in My Life?
When I was a child, I wanted to run away. I wanted to go to a different school because I didn’t like the one I went to. I wanted to move to a different neighborhood because the kids were mean. I wanted to go to a different college.
My mom used to tell me that no matter where I went, my problems and challenges would follow me until I learned how to deal with them. I didn’t understand it back then, but I understand it now.
Challenges often arise in our lives to teach us a lesson and help us grow into better people. In this way, one can view them as opportunities. The same challenges will show up because whatever we resist persists.
Another lesson I learned early in life is that I choose what controls my emotions and responses to any situation and not someone else. Whenever someone irritated me, and I got angry, my father used to ask me how this person had so much power over me that I let them dictate my reaction. He said I should never let go of self-control and allow external circumstances to dictate my feelings.
Today, there are moments when I lose my cool and become unsteady. It takes me a while to center myself whenever I have such an episode. Once I calm down, I do a lot of self-reflection, and over time, such instances have become fewer.
Conclusion
At its core, Epictetus’s message is one of empowerment—the realization that our capacity for stability and serenity lies not in external circumstances but in the sovereign realm of our own reasoned choices. By cultivating clarity of thought and steadfastness of purpose, we can navigate the ever-changing currents of life with grace and resilience.
So, if you find yourself buffeted by the winds of uncertainty, remember that the true harbor of tranquility lies within. Embrace the wisdom of Epictetus, and you will discover an unshakable foundation upon which to weather life’s storms, wherever they may lead.
This article is a part of The Daily Stoic Meditations Series based on Ryan Holiday’s book.