Anxiety is a complex and often overwhelming emotion that many individuals grapple with daily. It whispers unsettling thoughts and magnifies worries, transforming ordinary moments into sources of distress. While anxiety is a universal experience, understanding its origins can unlock pathways to relief and resilience. As the ancient philosopher Epictetus noted, anxiety often stems from our desires for outcomes beyond our control.
We can uncover valuable insights by delving into the core of our anxieties. Whether it’s the anxious father fearing for his children’s safety, the frenzied traveler navigating unexpected delays, or the nervous investor fixated on market fluctuations. This exploration will guide us toward embracing acceptance and fostering a more balanced emotional landscape.
“When I see an anxious person, I ask myself, what do they want? For if a person wasn’t wanting something outside of their own control, why would they be stricken by anxiety?”
—EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 2.13.1
The Common Thread of Desire
Anxiety is a multifaceted emotion intricately intertwined with human desires, revealing a universal thread that binds us all. When we examine the anxious father, the frenzied traveler, and the nervous investor, we uncover the essence of their struggles: a deep-seated longing for safety, certainty, and control. Each scenario reflects a commonality in human experience, highlighting how our desires often shape our emotional responses.
The anxious father embodies a profound wish for the safety and well-being of his children. His anxiety is not rooted in a present danger but rather in a perpetual fear of potential threats lurking in the world. This desire for an ideal, a world where his children are shielded from harm, becomes a double-edged sword. The more he obsesses over this desire, the more he constructs a mental prison where worry thrives. Each news story about violence or tragedy sends him spiraling into a vortex of fear, imagining scenarios where his worst fears come to fruition.
Similarly, the frenzied traveler grapples with the desire for a seamless journey. She wishes for favorable weather, clear traffic, and timely departures, all contributing to a sense of control over her travel experience. Yet, the reality of travel is often chaotic and unpredictable. Each delay or storm triggers a surge of anxiety, forcing her to confront the fragility of her plans. Her desire for certainty morphs into a source of distress, highlighting the inherent tension between aspiration and reality.
The nervous investor provides another compelling example of how desire fuels anxiety. His hopes for market recovery and profitable investments intertwine with his identity, creating a precarious emotional landscape. Each fluctuation in the stock market is not just a statistic; it reflects his worth and decisions. His desire for financial success compels him to obsessively track stock prices, leading to impulsive decisions driven by fear rather than rational analysis. This cycle of anxiety perpetuates itself, revealing how the longing for external validation can warp our perceptions of reality.
In examining these scenarios, we uncover a fundamental truth: anxiety is often rooted in our desires, particularly those that lie beyond our control. The common thread connecting these individuals reminds us of the vulnerability inherent in the human experience. We are all susceptible to the pull of desire, which can lead us into a labyrinth of worry and fear if left unchecked.
The Futility of Control
The futility of control becomes glaringly apparent when we analyze how anxiety manifests in our daily lives. Many individuals instinctively seek to exert control over their circumstances as a means of coping with anxiety. However, this automatic drive often leads to a counterproductive cycle of worry and distress.
For the anxious father, the desire to control his children’s safety might result in overprotection. He may impose strict rules and guidelines, believing that he can shield them from potential dangers by doing so. Yet, this behavior often backfires, creating an environment of fear and mistrust. His children may feel suffocated by the constant vigilance, and the father, in turn, may find that his efforts to control lead to increased anxiety rather than peace of mind. The illusion of control becomes a burden, preventing him from enjoying the simple joys of parenthood.
The traveler, consumed by her desire for a flawless journey, may obsessively check weather forecasts and traffic reports. Each moment spent in anxiety-induced anticipation detracts from her ability to enjoy the experience of travel. Instead of savoring the adventure, she becomes entangled in a web of worry, missing out on spontaneous moments and serendipitous encounters. Pursuing control transforms the journey into a source of stress, overshadowing the essence of exploration.
The nervous investor, driven by the need to control financial outcomes, often falls prey to impulsive decision-making. His anxiety leads him to react to market fluctuations with haste, abandoning well-considered strategies for knee-jerk reactions. This behavior not only heightens his anxiety but also jeopardizes his financial goals. The illusion of control he seeks becomes a mirage, and the more he chases it, the further away it seems.
Recognizing the futility of control is crucial for breaking free from the cycle of anxiety. By understanding that certain outcomes are inherently beyond our influence, we can begin to dismantle the grip of anxiety. This realization fosters a sense of empowerment, enabling individuals to redirect their focus from control to acceptance.
Questioning the Source of Anxiety
When anxiety strikes, it becomes essential to engage in self-reflection, probing the very source of our distress. The question, “Why are my insides twisted into knots?” catalyzes introspection, inviting us to dissect our thoughts and emotions. This process of questioning is not just an exercise in self-awareness; it serves as a powerful tool for unraveling the complexities of anxiety.
Asking this question can illuminate the underlying motivations driving the anxious father’s worry. He may come to realize that his fear is not solely about the safety of his children but is also intertwined with his desire for perfection. The idealized vision of parenthood—one devoid of pain or adversity—clashes with the reality that parenting inherently involves risks. By acknowledging this dissonance, he can shift his focus from an unattainable ideal to a more balanced approach that embraces both the joys and challenges of parenting.
For the traveler, self-inquiry may reveal that her anxiety is rooted not in the actual risks of travel but in fear of disappointing herself or others. This realization can be liberating, allowing her to reframe her relationship with travel. Instead of viewing each trip as a test of success, she can approach it as an opportunity for growth and adventure. This shift in perspective can alleviate anxiety, transforming the travel experience into a source of joy rather than stress.
The nervous investor can also benefit from questioning the sources of his anxiety. By examining his beliefs about success and failure, he may uncover how much his self-worth is tied to financial performance. This awareness can prompt a reevaluation of his priorities, allowing him to separate his identity from his investments. Such clarity fosters a healthier relationship with money, enabling him to approach investing with a long-term mindset rather than focusing on short-term gains.
Engaging in this process of questioning empowers individuals to reclaim their agency over anxiety. By unpacking the underlying beliefs and desires that fuel their distress, they can dismantle the patterns that perpetuate it. This journey of self-discovery fosters greater self-awareness and paves the way for a more balanced and fulfilling life.
Embracing Acceptance
Embracing acceptance is a transformative approach that allows individuals to navigate anxiety with grace and resilience. Acceptance involves acknowledging the existence of uncertainty and relinquishing the desire to control every outcome. This paradigm shift does not equate to passivity; rather, it signifies an active engagement with reality as it unfolds.
For the anxious father, embracing acceptance means recognizing that he cannot protect his children from all harm. Instead of attempting to eliminate risks, he can focus on equipping them with the tools they need to navigate life’s challenges. This shift allows him to foster a sense of independence in his children, encouraging them to develop resilience while alleviating his anxiety. Acceptance becomes a catalyst for deeper connections as he learns to appreciate the beauty of imperfection in the parenting journey.
The traveler can also find liberation in acceptance. She can cultivate a sense of curiosity and adventure by acknowledging that unexpected delays and disruptions are integral to the travel experience. Instead of fixating on what could go wrong, she can savor the moments in between—conversations with fellow travelers, the thrill of exploring new places, and the spontaneity that often leads to unforgettable memories. Acceptance transforms her journey into an exploration of possibility rather than a battle against uncertainty.
For the investor, acceptance offers a pathway to a healthier relationship with risk and reward. By recognizing that market fluctuations are an inherent part of investing, he can adopt a long-term strategy that aligns with his financial goals. This perspective fosters a sense of stability, allowing him to weather market storms without succumbing to anxiety. Acceptance empowers him to view each investment as a piece of a larger puzzle rather than a singular event that defines his success or failure.
Mindfulness practices play a crucial role in fostering acceptance. Engaging in meditation, deep breathing exercises, or grounding techniques allows individuals to anchor themselves in the present moment. These practices help quiet the constant chatter of anxiety, creating space for acceptance to flourish. By cultivating mindfulness, individuals can develop the capacity to respond to life’s challenges with a sense of calm and clarity.
Finding Liberation
The journey toward liberation from anxiety hinges on recognizing its source: a yearning for that which lies outside our control. This realization is not merely an intellectual exercise; it is a profound shift in perspective that can transform lives. By understanding that anxiety often stems from wanting things to be different, individuals can begin to dismantle the power that anxiety holds over them.
When we embrace this understanding, we can redirect our focus toward the present moment. The anxious father can shift his attention from worrying about potential dangers to actively engaging with his children meaningfully. Instead of fretting over hypothetical scenarios, he can cultivate moments of connection and joy, enriching his family life and alleviating his anxiety.
The traveler, too, can find liberation in accepting uncertainty. By approaching each journey with an open heart and a willingness to embrace the unexpected, she can unlock the transformative power of travel. Instead of being burdened by anxiety, she can immerse herself in the experience, allowing the journey to unfold naturally. This shift enhances her travel experiences and fosters a deeper appreciation for life’s unpredictable beauty.
For the investor, liberation manifests as a newfound freedom to approach investing with a clear mind. By reframing his relationship with money and success, he can break free from the shackles of anxiety that once dictated his decisions. This shift allows him to make informed choices based on sound principles rather than fear-driven impulses, ultimately paving the way for sustainable financial growth.
Ultimately, embracing this liberation opens the door to a more fulfilling life. It encourages individuals to live authentically, unburdened by the weight of anxiety and the relentless pursuit of control. By finding peace in acceptance and cultivating resilience, they can confidently navigate life’s uncertainties, transforming anxiety into a catalyst for personal growth and self-discovery. In this dance between desire and acceptance, individuals can find the strength to face challenges gracefully, forging a path toward a more balanced and meaningful existence.
Daily Stoic Meditation: Am I in Control or Is it My Anxiety?
One of the tenets of stoicism that resonates with me is determining what we can and can’t control. If we have the power to change something, we should do whatever it takes to alter it to our advantage. We will accept everything else as a given, according to which we will make decisions.
What has been bothering me recently is how much I let other people’s words and actions affect my frame of mind. I get anxious about things that haven’t happened yet or might not happen. I plan out conversations that might occur at some point in the future. I play out possible scenarios, thinking about what I will say and how the other person may reply.
I remember being anxious about moving to France in late 2020. I was worried about COVID-19, which was at its peak. The vaccines weren’t out yet. I hadn’t lived by myself ever. I didn’t know the language, how to cook, or how to speak it. I felt troubled, thinking, what if I fell sick, what if I couldn’t live by myself, or this happened or that happened?
One of my mentors asked me if my anxiety was helpful or if it served a purpose. He pointed out that I was worrying about possible scenarios that may not occur at all. He suggested that it would be prudent to worry about the scenario that plays out and asked me to cross the bridge as it comes.
Was COVID-19 under my control, or did I know when the vaccines would come out? No!
Could I learn how to cook and speak French before I leave? Yes, I could start learning.
Is it worth worrying about how I would care for myself if I fell sick? No!
So why let your anxiety control you? Accept the situation and determine what you can and can’t change. If you work to change everything you can change, then why be anxious about things that aren’t in your control?
Conclusion
In recognizing the source of our anxiety, we empower ourselves to break free from its grasp. By acknowledging that our desires often drive our fears, we can cultivate a sense of acceptance that transforms our relationship with uncertainty. Embracing this understanding allows us to shift our focus from the uncontrollable to the present moment, fostering resilience and emotional well-being.
As we learn to navigate life’s unpredictability with grace, anxiety no longer dictates our reality. Instead, it catalyzes personal growth and self-discovery, guiding us toward a more fulfilling and balanced existence. In this journey, we discover that peace is not the absence of anxiety but the ability to coexist, finding strength in acceptance and clarity in our desires.
This article is a part of The Daily Stoic Meditations Series based on Ryan Holiday’s book.