Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you’ve acted impulsively and later regretted it? It’s a shared experience. We often wonder why we made certain decisions or behaved in a particular way. The truth is, in those moments, we weren’t thinking. We let fleeting emotions dictate our actions without considering the consequences. But within each of us lies a powerful tool—our intelligence. The guiding force can lead us to make wiser choices and navigate life’s challenges with clarity and purpose. The key is to learn to trust and rely on our intelligence, allowing it to take the helm and steer us in the right direction.
“For to be wise is only one thing—to fix our attention on our intelligence, which guides all things everywhere.”
—HERACLITUS, QUOTED IN DIOGENES LAERTIUS, LIVES OF THE EMINENT PHILOSOPHERS, 9.1
The Moment of Regret: Why Did I Do That?
We all know that sinking feeling—the immediate pang of regret that hits when we realize we’ve acted without thinking. It could be anything: snapping at a loved one in frustration, sending an email in anger, making a rash decision in a store, or rushing into a commitment we weren’t ready for. The natural follow-up question is, Why did I do that? and the sense of disbelief can be overwhelming. How could you have made such a mistake? The act was impulsive, and you didn’t take the time to consider the consequences. You weren’t “thinking” in that moment—you were reacting.
What’s truly puzzling about these situations is that, in retrospect, the intelligence was there all along, waiting to be accessed. But instead of allowing your rational mind to take the lead, your immediate feelings and impulses hijacked your decision-making process. The problem isn’t that you couldn’t make a better decision; it’s that you didn’t allow your intelligence the space to operate. So, while you might ask yourself What was I thinking?, the real issue is that you weren’t thinking fully. You weren’t thinking in the way you know you’re capable of—attentively, calmly, and deliberately.
Regret is not merely a sign of poor decision-making; it reflects missed potential. When emotions take charge, your wisdom is sidelined, and making decisions that don’t align with your best interests is easy. The more profound challenge is learning how to pause, allow your intelligence to lead, and turn regret into an opportunity for growth.
Intelligence: Your Inherent Guide
The concept of intelligence goes beyond raw knowledge or academic prowess—it encompasses the ability to assess a situation, recognize patterns, predict outcomes, and make decisions that align with one’s goals and values. Each person has access to this intelligence, but many of us struggle to use it, especially in moments of emotional turmoil. When emotions run high, intelligence can often feel distant, buried beneath the rush of impulse and physical sensation.
In his statement, Heraclitus reminds us that wisdom is found in fixing our attention on our intelligence, not letting the loudest emotions or fleeting sensations drown it out. Our intelligence has the capacity to guide us through even the most challenging situations—it’s built to process complex information, sift through conflicting desires, and evaluate choices with discernment. But we must give it the attention it deserves. This is a call to intellect and a reminder to focus on your innate ability to reason.
Heraclitus speaks of wisdom doesn’t just spring from learning or memorizing facts; it is a practice of aligning with your deepest rational core, the space where intuition, logic, and experience converge. It is in this space that intelligence shines brightest. The key to accessing it is cultivating the skills of mindfulness, awareness, and restraint. Intelligence isn’t just about raw processing power—it’s about channeling that power in a way that aligns with your long-term values, goals, and sense of purpose. Once we fix our attention on our intelligence, we can make decisions that not only solve problems in the moment but also serve our higher aspirations.
The Tug of War Between Emotions and Reason
The human experience is an ongoing internal tug-of-war between what you feel and know. This conflict between emotional impulse and rational thought is at the heart of many regrettable decisions. Emotions are immediate—they react to stimuli with urgency and intensity. The emotional brain doesn’t care about long-term consequences; it cares about now. Whether it’s the heat of anger, the thrill of desire, or the comfort of familiarity, emotions demand attention and often lead us to act quickly, sometimes rashly.
Reason, on the other hand, is more patient and methodical. It takes time to reflect, analyze, and consider the broader implications of any decision. While emotions may urge us to act now, reason holds us back, evaluating the situation from different angles. However, in moments of stress or excitement, emotional impulses can easily override this rational thinking. For example, you may feel angry and speak without thinking, later regretting the hurtful words. Or you might be excited about a potential opportunity and make a quick financial commitment without weighing all the risks.
This dynamic can lead to impulsive behaviors that feel gratifying at the moment but end up causing long-term harm. Emotions may lead to short-term rewards—the immediate rush of anger, pleasure, or excitement—but rarely align with our long-term goals, values, or desires. When given a chance, reason can guide us toward more sustainable, harmonious, and beneficial decisions over time. It’s a constant dance between the two, and the challenge lies in learning how to let reason lead, especially when emotions try to dominate.
The real skill here is self-awareness—recognizing when your emotions are running the show and choosing to let your intelligence take charge consciously. This awareness allows you to step back, pause, and re-engage your rational faculties. By becoming more aware of your emotional triggers, you can recognize when your emotions drive you toward impulsive actions that you’ll later regret. This awareness is not about suppressing or denying your feelings but about learning to make decisions guided by reason, even in the heat of the moment.
The Power of Deferment: Let Your Mind Lead
In its simplest form, deferment means delaying a decision or action to allow time for thoughtful reflection. This practice is critical when emotions are high and the temptation to react quickly is strong. Deferment is not about hesitation or procrastination; it’s about giving yourself the time and space to access your intelligence before making a decision. In the modern world, where speed and instant responses are often prized, slowing down and reflecting becomes an invaluable skill.
When you defer action, you allow your mind to process all available information, assess the potential consequences, and align your actions with your long-term goals. It’s a powerful tool that helps you avoid the trap of knee-jerk reactions. For example, when you feel triggered by an email or a conversation, instead of responding immediately, take a few moments to step away. Think about what you want to say, how your words might be received, and their impact in the long run.
The act of deferring your reaction creates a space to tap into your intelligence, allowing you to act intentionally rather than impulsively. This pause can mean the difference between regret and clarity in high-stakes moments. Deferring doesn’t have to mean long delays—it can be as simple as taking a few breaths, counting to ten, or simply allowing yourself a moment of stillness before responding.
This process of deferring your actions also involves mindfulness. Awareness of your emotional state—feeling stressed, anxious, or euphoric—can help you identify when your emotions might cloud your judgment. Once you recognize these states, you can consciously let reason take the reins. With practice, this habit of deferring impulsive actions becomes second nature, making it easier to make decisions aligned with your highest intelligence.
The Bottom Line: Intelligence Over Impulse
The ability to think before acting is a powerful life skill, and it begins with trusting in your intelligence. The challenge isn’t necessarily a lack of information or wisdom but the need to direct that wisdom in the right moment. Intelligence is not just about what you know but how and when you apply that knowledge. The more you practice deferring to your rational mind, the more naturally it will take charge when faced with a decision.
Emotions will always be a part of the human experience. They are vital, offering insight into our desires, needs, and motivations. However, when emotions drive decisions unchecked, they can lead us astray. The true strength lies in letting your intelligence lead, not because it suppresses your emotions but because it helps you navigate them thoughtfully. By learning to pause, reflect, and engage your intelligence before acting, you create a more intentional, less reactive life better aligned with your deeper goals. This approach to decision-making leads to fewer regrets, greater clarity, and a stronger sense of control over your actions.
Daily Stoic Meditation: How Can I Do a Better Job Listening to the Little Voice Inside Me?
I often find myself thinking of all the things I could have said during an argument in which I didn’t have anything to say. All the comebacks, retorts, and answers come to mind after everything has gone down and it doesn’t matter anymore.
I often criticize myself for being stupid and careless when I make a mistake. What could I have done differently? What can I do better next time? What’s going to happen now? What was I thinking? All these thoughts run amok in my brain. I sought therapy, where I had an important realization.
You can’t let your emotions dictate your actions and run your life. Your logical mind needs to be in charge. That’s how it should work, but it doesn’t always work that way.
Your mind is like a car with two passengers: your logical mind and your emotional mind. Your logical mind is responsible for navigation, while your emotional mind is behind the steering wheel. The problem is that the driver doesn’t always listen to the navigator about where we should go. Part of growing up is learning how to get the car’s driver to listen to the navigator’s instructions.
It comes down to making the right decision based on what logic dictates as the intelligent option. You can’t let your emotions get the better of you. A simple example is not giving in to laziness when the alarm clock rings and going for a run daily because that’s the right thing to do for your body.
Choosing intelligence over emotions requires mindful decision-making. Whenever you are tempted to choose the easier option, hold for a moment and consider both options. Choose the right one and not the easy one. This decision needs to be deliberate.
Conclusion
Losing sight of our inner wisdom is easy in a world filled with distractions and temptations. However, by heeding the words of Heraclitus and focusing our attention on our intelligence, we can reclaim control over our lives. Let us strive to think before we act, harnessing the power of our rational minds to guide us on the path to wisdom and fulfillment. With each decision, may we embrace the opportunity to tap into our intelligence and navigate life’s journey with clarity, purpose, and unwavering resolve.
This article is a part of The Daily Stoic Meditations Series based on Ryan Holiday’s book.