In our fast-paced, unpredictable world, it’s easy to feel like everything is out of our control. From the actions of others to the shifting tides of the global economy, there’s a constant sense of uncertainty. Yet, ancient wisdom from the Stoics offers a powerful reminder: while we can’t control everything, we have control over one critical element—ourselves.
Epictetus, a Stoic philosopher, emphasized the importance of understanding what lies within our control and what doesn’t. This simple but profound insight can bring clarity and peace to even the most chaotic lives. In this article, we’ll explore the difference between what we can control and can’t and how embracing this distinction can lead to greater freedom and resilience.
“Some things are in our control, while others are not. We control our opinion, choice, desire, aversion, and, in a word, everything of our own doing. We don’t control our body, property, reputation, position, and, in a word, everything not of our own doing. Even more, the things in our control are by nature free, unhindered, and unobstructed, while those not in our control are weak, slavish, can be hindered, and are not our own.”
—EPICTETUS, ENCHIRIDION, 1.1–2
Understanding What We Control
The realm of what we control is not just confined to our thoughts but also to our emotions, reactions, and the choices we make in every situation. It’s often said that our thoughts shape our reality, but this can be taken a step further: the opinions and judgments we hold about the world and ourselves ultimately define how we engage with life.
Our opinions are influenced by past experiences, cultural conditioning, and personal values, but they are ultimately ours to decide. Think of two people in a similar situation—perhaps a stressful work environment or a challenging personal relationship. One might view it as an opportunity for growth, while the other might feel overwhelmed and defeated. What’s the difference? The difference lies in their ability to control their perception of the situation. The fact that we control our opinions means that we can interpret events in a way that serves our well-being rather than letting them define us.
In the same vein, our desires and aversions—those instinctive pulls towards what we want or what we avoid—are shaped by our internal dialogue. While external forces may trigger these feelings, we can still consciously choose how we respond to them. For instance, when we experience a craving for instant gratification, we can acknowledge the desire but not act on it. We have the power to practice self-discipline; over time, this ability to regulate our desires becomes a form of strength.
When we internalize that we control our reactions, it becomes possible to build resilience in the face of challenges. Resilience is not about avoiding negative feelings but learning to manage them. It’s about taking ownership of our emotional state and recognizing that even in the most trying circumstances, we can still make decisions that honor our values. This realization empowers us to act purposefully, even when our world seems chaotic or uncontrollable.
The Things We Don’t Control
It’s crucial to acknowledge that most of our world is not within our control. From the weather to global events, from other people’s actions to the natural course of life itself, external circumstances constantly shift in ways that we cannot predict or influence. This is where many people often experience frustration—because we tend to focus on what we can’t change, believing that if we could just control the outside world, we would be able to find peace.
However, understanding that we cannot control everything outside ourselves is not a defeatist mindset. It is an opportunity to free ourselves from the stress and burden of managing the unmanageable. If we could control everything—every person, every event, every outcome—we might think it would give us peace. Still, it would likely lead to exhaustion, as it’s impossible to account for every variable in life.
Take, for example, the global economy. Individuals may work hard, save money, and build their careers with great dedication, but none of these efforts guarantee immunity from market fluctuations. An unexpected financial crisis, a shift in the political landscape, or the rise of new technologies can all alter the course of our careers, our businesses, and even our financial security. While we may not have control over these external factors, we do have the power to make decisions about how we respond. We can adapt, innovate, and make new choices that align with our goals and values, regardless of the external turbulence.
Similarly, consider the actions of others. We cannot control the behavior of friends, family, or colleagues. They may act in hurtful, frustrating, or disappointing ways, and their actions can sometimes feel as if they have the power to derail our plans. But, even in these situations, we retain control over how we engage with others. We can set boundaries, communicate effectively, and manage our reactions. Understanding that others’ actions are not our responsibility is liberating. It allows us to focus on building our emotional resilience and creating healthy relationships based on mutual respect rather than trying to control how others behave.
This insight into what we don’t control also applies to our health. While we can take steps to maintain our health—by exercising, eating well, and following medical advice—there are still factors beyond our control, such as genetic predispositions or unforeseen accidents. Rather than worrying about what we cannot change, we can focus on what we can: how we take care of ourselves and how we approach the inevitable uncertainties of life.
The Freedom in What We Control
The freedom found in what we control is profound because it exists in a realm that is entirely our own. Our thoughts, reactions, and choices are free from the external world’s influence. They are not subject to the same uncertainties and constraints that govern the material world, and as such, they form the bedrock of true autonomy.
One of the greatest sources of freedom is the realization that we can always choose how we think about a situation. For example, when faced with a setback, we can see it as an obstacle or an opportunity to learn. When we lose something we value, we can mourn it or embrace the lessons it teaches us. This choice—the ability to decide how to interpret and respond to events—is perhaps the most powerful freedom we possess.
Moreover, the freedom to control our minds is not just about reacting to events but proactively shaping our worldview. It’s about choosing what we focus on, what we care about, and how we engage with the world. The Stoics called this a practice of virtue, in which our ethical character is shaped by the thoughts we entertain and the choices we make. This is not a passive form of freedom but an active one: it requires intentionality, self-awareness, and discipline. The more we practice controlling our reactions and cultivating a mindset aligned with our values, the more free we become.
In this freedom, we also find peace. When we stop trying to control everything, we stop creating internal resistance. Instead of fighting against what we cannot change, we accept it and focus on what we can influence. This leads to a sense of inner tranquility independent of external events. This freedom is the opposite of powerlessness—it is a conscious, empowered choice to shape our experience through the lens of our internal control.
The Power of Internal Focus
When we shift our attention away from external events and turn it inward, we discover a source of power that was previously hidden. This internal focus is not about ignoring the world but learning how to engage with it in a way that preserves our peace and empowers us to act with clarity and intention.
Concentrating on what we can control allows us to navigate life’s challenges more easily. For example, when faced with a difficult conversation, we cannot control how the other person will respond, but we can control how we communicate. We can be calm, clear, and respectful, regardless of the other person’s attitude. The more we focus on our internal states—the choices we make in each moment—the more we realize that we can influence the outcome of situations, even when the external factors seem beyond our reach.
This internal focus also means we do not react to every external stimulus. In a world filled with distractions, it’s easy to become overwhelmed by the constant flow of information, requests, and demands. Yet, by practicing mindfulness and focusing on our internal state, we can choose how we engage with the world. We can decide which distractions are worth our attention and which are simply noise. In doing so, we preserve our energy and direct it towards the things that matter most.
An internal focus also cultivates emotional intelligence. We can manage our thoughts and feelings effectively by becoming aware of them. This means we can approach difficult situations with a level-headed mindset rather than being ruled by impulsive emotions. In this way, we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and can act in ways consistent with our values, not our fleeting emotions.
Redirecting Your Energy
Redirecting your energy toward what you can control is crucial for maintaining a sense of agency in life. The key is recognizing when your energy is wasted on things outside your control and intentionally refocusing it on what you can influence.
Start by identifying the areas where you spend unnecessary energy. Are you obsessing over the opinions of others? Are you constantly worrying about the future or trying to manipulate outcomes beyond your reach? These are all forms of energy leakage—your focus is directed toward things that do not serve your well-being. Once you become aware of this, you can consciously redirect your energy towards more productive areas, such as personal growth, improving your relationships, and making choices that align with your goals.
This redirection is not just about shifting your focus; it’s about aligning your actions with your values. For example, if you value health, redirect your energy towards cultivating healthy habits, such as exercising regularly or eating nutritious food. If you value personal growth, channel your energy into learning, developing new skills, or deepening your understanding of the world.
You regain control over your life by taking charge of where your energy goes. You stop being a passive observer of your circumstances and become an active participant in shaping your reality. This sense of agency is empowering because it puts the power back in your hands. You are no longer at the mercy of external events but in charge of your own direction.
The Path to True Clarity
As you begin to understand what you can and cannot control, you see the world more clearly. When you focus on your internal world and let go of the need to control the external, you free yourself from life’s constant chaos and noise. You stop reacting impulsively to every situation and instead act with intention.
This clarity allows you to focus on what truly matters. It helps you prioritize your goals, make decisions confidently, and navigate life with purpose. You are no longer distracted by every shift in the external world; instead, you are grounded in your sense of self and values.
In this space of clarity, you are empowered to take meaningful action. You are not overwhelmed by the uncontrollable events of life but instead focus on how you can influence what is within your reach. This is where true power lies—where your thoughts, decisions, and actions align to create a life of meaning and fulfillment.
Daily Stoic Meditation: If I Don’t Control What Happens to Me, What is Left?
One of the key tenets of Stoicism that resonates with me is recognizing what we can control and what is beyond our control. If something is beyond your control, don’t let it bother you, and accept it because you can’t do anything about it. Control the controllable, accept everything you can’t control, and do your best.
Another common adage is that you can’t control how the wind blows but can adjust the sails. As I understand it, it means you can’t control what happens to you but can control how you respond.
In the Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna’s most famous words of wisdom implore Arjun to focus on his duty without worrying about the result. He says every human has to make efforts and do their karma without expecting a favorable outcome.
Conclusion
The ability to distinguish between what we can control and what we cannot is more than just a philosophical concept—it’s a practical tool for navigating life. Focusing on our thoughts, actions, and reactions gives us the power to shape our experiences and respond to life’s challenges with purpose and resilience.
While we may never be able to control the external world, we can always control how we engage with it. Understanding this frees us from unnecessary stress, frustration, and confusion, allowing us to live more fully, authentically, and with a sense of inner peace. Ultimately, the real power lies not in shaping the world around us but in mastering ourselves within it.
This article is a part of the Daily Stoic Meditations Series based on Ryan Holiday’s book.