Life can feel like a constant performance, where the pressure to be something you’re not holds you back. From the simplest fears to the most paralyzing doubts, many of us are shackled by what others think or by the fear of failure. However, what if you could live free from these concerns? Enter the concept of “not giving a f*ck.” This journey isn’t about apathy, but about reclaiming your energy and freedom from the things that don’t truly matter. Let’s explore the five levels of non-fuckery with Mark Manson and how embracing each step can lead you to an authentic and blissful existence.
Level 1: Challenging the Spotlight Effect
The spotlight effect is one of the most common cognitive biases we experience, yet it is one of the most overlooked in terms of how it shapes our behavior and influences our daily interactions. At its core, the spotlight effect is the mistaken belief that everyone around us is paying close attention to our actions, appearance, and behaviors. It leads us to believe that we are the center of attention, even when the reality couldn’t be farther from the truth.
This mental trap often takes hold during moments of vulnerability. Maybe you’ve had an embarrassing slip-up in a meeting, or you wore an outfit that you thought looked great but soon realized was wildly out of place. In those moments, it can feel like everyone in the room is fixated on your mistake. In actuality, most people are so caught up in their own thoughts and experiences that they don’t notice, let alone scrutinize, what you’re doing.
Think about the last time you got a bad haircut. How many hours did you spend, if not days, thinking that everyone was staring at your new look? Most likely, very few people even noticed it, and even fewer gave it any lasting attention. It’s a common experience, one we can all relate to: you walk out the door feeling exposed, thinking that everyone is passing judgment. But the truth is, those around us are focused on themselves, their own problems, and their own lives.
This is where the spotlight effect thrives. We become hyper-aware of every little action and believe that others are just as critical and observant as we are. This cognitive distortion distorts our perception, leading to unnecessary anxiety and insecurity. We project our own self-criticism onto others, imagining that they are just as concerned about our mistakes as we are. It creates a cycle of fear and worry that can paralyze us from taking risks or putting ourselves out there.
Breaking free from the spotlight effect is the first major step in learning how to not give a f*ck. The key here is realizing that people simply don’t pay as much attention to you as you think they do. They’re not watching you closely enough to judge you in the way you fear. To truly internalize this lesson, you need to actively test it in real-life situations, where the discomfort and self-consciousness will challenge your assumptions head-on.
This was exactly the case with Garrett, who was invited to face his fears in a public challenge. Garrett, a man who struggled with social anxiety, spent much of his life trying to avoid situations where he felt like the center of attention. He worried about being judged by others, often assuming that everyone was focusing on his flaws. To confront this, his first challenge was something seemingly harmless yet deeply uncomfortable: hand out flyers promoting the flat earth theory in public spaces.
The task itself was absurd, which was part of the point. Garrett wasn’t trying to achieve anything through the flyers; the goal was to expose him to public scrutiny in a way that was lighthearted and inconsequential. He had to face the discomfort of doing something seemingly embarrassing in front of strangers. This was Garrett’s first opportunity to challenge the spotlight effect. Instead of assuming that everyone would notice his awkwardness or ridicule him for handing out controversial flyers, Garrett had to engage with the reality that people were far too absorbed in their own lives to focus on him.
When Garrett began his task, he was visibly uneasy. His hesitation and discomfort were palpable—he feared judgment, disapproval, and outright rejection. But as he went on, something remarkable happened. He started handing out the flyers with less and less hesitation. Sure, a few people looked at him strangely, some even smiled or laughed, but for the most part, people took the flyers with little more than a glance. The most shocking realization for Garrett was that, outside of a few brief encounters, the vast majority of people didn’t even bat an eye. They were too preoccupied with their own lives to care about his actions.
This moment was transformative for Garrett. He had been carrying the weight of the spotlight effect on his shoulders for so long, but as he went through the process of confronting it, he realized how much freedom was hidden behind this mental barrier. When you let go of the belief that people are constantly watching and judging you, you free yourself from the paralyzing fear of making a mistake in public. The anxiety that comes with being “watched” dissipates because you begin to recognize that most people are too busy with their own worries to notice your flaws, let alone criticize them.
The freedom Garrett experienced from this challenge was immense. It was liberating to see firsthand that most people aren’t paying as much attention to your perceived imperfections as you think they are. This was the beginning of a profound shift for him: he began to feel lighter, more relaxed, and more confident in himself. He wasn’t perfect, but that was okay—nobody was really paying attention to his imperfections in the first place.
Ultimately, the spotlight effect is just another layer of self-imposed stress. It’s the story we tell ourselves that makes us believe others are hyper-aware of our every move, when in reality, they’re not. Once you challenge and dismantle this mental construct, you can step into the world with a sense of freedom and confidence that comes from knowing you’re not the center of anyone’s universe—except your own.
The next step in freeing yourself from the grip of unnecessary anxiety is realizing that when you stop caring so much about what others think, you unlock a more authentic and enjoyable way of living. Instead of spending your energy on what might go wrong, you can channel it into living your life fully, without hesitation or fear of judgment.
Level 2: Embracing Embarrassment
At the heart of truly letting go of unnecessary concerns is embracing embarrassment, one of the most universal yet often avoided emotions. The fear of embarrassment holds many people back from taking risks, speaking their minds, or even attempting new things. It’s an emotion tied to vulnerability and self-perception, often prompting us to retreat or avoid situations where we might expose ourselves to others’ judgment. Yet, in reality, embarrassment is one of the most fleeting experiences we can face. It’s uncomfortable, sure, but it’s not life-threatening.
The power of not caring, then, is rooted in the ability to embrace the discomfort of embarrassment and see it for what it truly is—a temporary feeling that holds no lasting consequences. Garrett’s challenge in this section pushed him to confront his deepest discomfort: looking foolish in public. Wearing a chicken suit in front of strangers was the perfect exercise in forcing Garrett to face this fear directly. The idea was simple yet powerful: learn that embarrassment is not something to fear, but something that can be laughed at, shrugged off, and even enjoyed.
For many people, the idea of doing something silly or embarrassing in public can feel like the ultimate humiliation. We imagine that everyone around us is watching, scrutinizing, and judging us for every move we make. Garrett’s challenge was designed to disrupt this false belief. The task wasn’t to perform well or even to succeed—it was to expose himself to ridicule without letting it shake his confidence. The very act of wearing a ridiculous costume and engaging in interactions with strangers is inherently vulnerable. But what Garrett learned is that vulnerability, when embraced, loses its power to control you.
The chicken suit was the ultimate paradox: the more Garrett resisted his feelings of embarrassment, the more they consumed him. But as soon as he allowed himself to step into that uncomfortable situation without worrying about what others might think, the anxiety started to dissipate. He realized that his discomfort was only fueled by his own thoughts and assumptions. No one was laughing at him with the intensity he had feared. Most people didn’t care at all. Some even smiled and engaged with him, appreciating the absurdity of the situation.
What was most profound for Garrett was that once he accepted the embarrassment, it lost its sting. At first, he was stiff, self-conscious, and hesitant, holding back as if to protect himself from feeling foolish. But by the end of the challenge, he was walking around in his chicken suit with a sense of humor and confidence. The more he embraced the discomfort, the less power it had over him. He started to see the humor in the absurdity of it all, and in doing so, he reclaimed his own power.
This exercise was more than just an awkward public stunt. It was a lesson in the impermanence of embarrassment. The reality is that most people are too absorbed in their own lives to spend much time focusing on your mistakes or awkwardness. While it feels like the whole world is staring at you, the truth is that everyone is preoccupied with their own thoughts, problems, and insecurities. The longer you let embarrassment control you, the more you allow it to limit your potential. But when you learn to embrace it, you realize that it’s not the thing you should fear—it’s the thing you can laugh at, move through, and come out stronger for having faced.
The breakthrough moment for Garrett came when he started accepting his discomfort rather than resisting it. He wasn’t pretending to enjoy being in the chicken suit, but he was able to laugh at the absurdity of it. This shift in perspective allowed him to find humor in situations that would have previously made him uncomfortable. As he moved from one interaction to the next, he began to notice that his feelings of embarrassment were fading. Instead of being consumed by worry, he focused on the experience itself—the challenge, the interactions, the absurdity of it all—and with that focus came a deeper sense of freedom.
This is the heart of not giving a f*ck: being okay with the fact that sometimes, you’re going to look foolish. You’re going to make mistakes, you’re going to fail, and sometimes you’ll embarrass yourself. But when you stop fearing that, you start embracing life more fully. You take risks without the paralyzing worry of what others will think. You engage with the world around you with a sense of freedom, knowing that the discomfort of embarrassment is just a temporary feeling that holds no power over you.
When you choose to laugh at yourself, rather than hide in shame, you take away the power that embarrassment holds over your life. By doing so, you free yourself from the constraints of perfectionism and societal expectations. The world is not going to fall apart because you look silly for a moment, and no one is going to remember the time you wore the chicken suit in public a week from now—except you. And if you can laugh at it, it won’t have the same emotional weight it once had.
The key takeaway from embracing embarrassment is this: it’s okay to be uncomfortable. In fact, discomfort is where growth happens. Whether it’s dancing like a fool, dressing up in a silly costume, or saying something awkward, every embarrassing moment is an opportunity to prove to yourself that the world won’t come to an end. It’s an opportunity to learn that the things we fear most—the things that make us want to hide away—are often the very things that liberate us when we face them head-on.
Garrett’s experience with embarrassment was a transformative one. It wasn’t just about pushing through an awkward situation; it was about realizing that his discomfort didn’t define him. He no longer saw embarrassment as a shameful experience to avoid, but as a gateway to a new level of freedom. And as he continued to embrace that freedom, he realized that the more he let go of his fears of looking foolish, the more empowered he became to live authentically and unapologetically.
Level 3: Rejection—Romantic and Otherwise
Rejection is one of the most powerful and universal fears that we face in life. It taps directly into our deepest insecurities, threatening our self-esteem and sense of worth. Whether it’s a romantic rejection, a professional one, or simply the fear of being excluded or overlooked, rejection carries with it a heavy emotional toll. Most people go to great lengths to avoid it, sometimes modifying their behavior, personality, or even values, just to gain the acceptance of others. Yet, what if rejection was not something to avoid but something to embrace, as a stepping stone toward personal freedom?
Garrett’s challenge in this section was designed to test his ability to handle rejection without it affecting his sense of self. The test was not just about handling the rejection itself, but about the emotional shift that comes with understanding that being rejected doesn’t diminish your worth. It doesn’t define you, and it certainly doesn’t have to affect your confidence. The key lesson here is that rejection is a part of life, and when we stop letting it control our emotions, we open ourselves up to a greater sense of freedom and authenticity.
To force Garrett to confront this fear, he was tasked with going on dates with ten professional models. While the challenge seemed to be about romantic interactions, the real goal was to get Garrett to experience rejection in a way that wasn’t rooted in his desire for approval, but in the idea that it was simply part of the process of learning and growing. The dates were intentionally awkward and uncomfortable, designed to force Garrett out of his comfort zone.
The first few interactions were painfully awkward for Garrett. He nervously asked the models the most bizarre and intrusive questions. His voice quivered as he attempted to make a connection, fearing that if he said the wrong thing, he would be dismissed entirely. But over time, something remarkable happened. Garrett began to realize that the rejection wasn’t personal. Most of the time, the models were polite, even if they weren’t interested. Sometimes, the interactions were fun and playful, but Garrett understood that a lack of romantic interest didn’t diminish his value. What was initially seen as a threat to his ego—being rejected by someone he found attractive—transformed into a simple, non-dramatic event that he could move on from without it affecting his mood or self-worth.
One of the most significant revelations for Garrett was that rejection doesn’t always come with the emotional weight we assign to it. People aren’t rejecting you as a person—they are simply responding to a set of circumstances, preferences, and individual experiences that may not align with yours. When you realize this, rejection becomes less about what’s wrong with you and more about finding the people who do align with you, who appreciate you for who you are, not for some version of yourself that you’ve curated to win their approval.
This lesson is especially powerful in romantic situations. Most people, especially those who give too many f*cks, tie their entire self-esteem to their ability to attract a partner. They invest so much energy into trying to be the “right” version of themselves—trying to say the right things, look the right way, or act in a way that will make someone like them. The result is a constant performance, a facade that creates anxiety, stress, and frustration. But when you start to accept that rejection is a natural part of the process—whether it’s in dating, friendships, or even professional situations—you stop fearing it. Instead, you begin to embrace it as an opportunity to learn and grow.
By the end of Garrett’s dating challenge, he began to realize that his self-worth was not tied to the approval of others. It wasn’t about getting everyone to like him or winning the affection of every person he met—it was about being confident in who he was, regardless of the outcome. The truth is, every person you meet, whether in a romantic context or not, will not always align with you or your values. That’s okay. The key is to find the people who do resonate with you, who accept you for who you are, not for the version of yourself you try to present to gain their approval.
What’s more, Garrett discovered that rejecting others also plays a role in this process. When you stop being afraid of rejection, you can also start rejecting the things and people that don’t serve your best interests. Often, we stay in relationships—romantic, professional, or otherwise—because we fear being rejected or alone. But when you let go of the fear of rejection, you create space for healthier, more authentic relationships, where both parties can show up as their true selves without the constant fear of being judged or criticized.
At this point in Garrett’s journey, he began to understand the concept of authentic rejection. Instead of bending over backward to try to be what others wanted him to be, he was able to start making decisions that aligned with his own values. When you stop trying to gain approval from everyone, you realize that the people who truly resonate with you will come into your life naturally. There’s no need to perform or alter yourself to fit into someone else’s vision of who you should be.
This shift is incredibly freeing. The fear of rejection often keeps people stuck in relationships, jobs, or situations that don’t fulfill them. Once you shed the anxiety of being rejected, you’re able to embrace new opportunities that are more in line with your true self. Garrett’s experience on his dates served as a turning point in his personal growth. He no longer saw rejection as something to be avoided at all costs, but as a necessary part of the journey toward finding the right connections. It was an opportunity to let go of the notion that he had to be everything to everyone. He realized that when you stop trying to be perfect for others, you start attracting the people who genuinely appreciate the person you are.
Ultimately, the power of rejection lies in its ability to teach you resilience and self-acceptance. The more you face rejection, the less it affects you. Instead of seeing it as a failure or a reason to shrink back, you begin to see it as a stepping stone that leads you closer to the relationships, opportunities, and experiences that are truly meant for you. Rejection, in the end, becomes just another part of the process—a necessary and natural step in finding your tribe and living your life authentically.
Level 4: The Freedom to Fail
Failure is often seen as the ultimate enemy of success. It’s the thing that most people fear the most—because in many ways, failure feels like a reflection of our inadequacies. It makes us question our abilities, our worth, and our potential. From a young age, we are conditioned to avoid failure at all costs. We receive praise for winning, succeeding, and achieving. On the flip side, failure is often stigmatized, seen as something to be ashamed of or to be avoided at all costs. However, the key to living a life free from the shackles of perfectionism and fear of failure is learning to embrace it, to see it not as something to avoid, but as an inevitable and valuable part of the growth process.
Garrett’s next challenge was designed to force him to confront this deep-seated fear of failure. As a self-identified perfectionist, Garrett’s primary struggle was that he wouldn’t attempt anything unless he was confident he could do it perfectly. This perfectionist mindset holds many people back from even trying new things. They fear making mistakes, which leads to a crippling paralysis that prevents them from taking action in the first place. For Garrett, the task was simple: learn to breakdance. The catch? He had to be terrible at it first. He had to learn that failure is not only acceptable—it’s necessary.
At first, Garrett’s reluctance to fail was palpable. He couldn’t stomach the idea of being bad at something. His desire for perfection prevented him from allowing himself to be a beginner. But as the challenge began, he quickly realized something important: failure was inevitable. In fact, the only way to get better at breakdancing—or anything, for that matter—was to embrace being bad at it in the beginning. Garrett stumbled through the moves, making awkward attempts and falling short with every try. At first, he felt the weight of his self-judgment—the feeling of being “bad” was uncomfortable. But with each failed attempt, he began to shift his perspective.
The key takeaway here is simple: failure is not a negative reflection of your abilities or your worth. It’s a part of the learning process, and the more you embrace it, the faster you grow. Garrett’s realization that he had to be bad before he could be good was profound. He understood that the first attempt—no matter how terrible—was just the beginning of the journey. It wasn’t about perfection, it was about progression.
What Garrett discovered through this process is something that many of us forget: we learn best when we stop worrying about doing things perfectly. The moment you take the pressure off of yourself to perform flawlessly, you open the door to experimentation, learning, and true growth. The joy of failure comes not from getting something wrong, but from understanding that each failure is a step toward mastering something new.
When Garrett embraced this idea, he stopped holding himself back. Instead of being paralyzed by the fear of failure, he started enjoying the process of learning. Breakdancing, initially a daunting and awkward task, became something fun and liberating. He didn’t need to be good at it immediately. The value wasn’t in achieving perfect execution, but in allowing himself to fall short, to make mistakes, and to grow from those mistakes. Each stumble became a reminder that failure is a normal part of the process, not something to be feared or avoided.
The true freedom came when Garrett allowed himself to be imperfect, to fail, and to be okay with it. This is the same freedom that is available to all of us if we’re willing to let go of our obsession with perfection. Life doesn’t reward us for being flawless; it rewards us for trying, for learning, and for pushing ourselves to improve.
One of the most powerful aspects of failure is the way it teaches us resilience. Every time we fail, we are given the opportunity to get back up and try again. This is the essence of growth: the ability to fail, learn, and improve. When you stop seeing failure as something to avoid, you start to see it as a tool for growth, something that makes you stronger and more capable. For Garrett, this shift in perspective allowed him to break free from his perfectionist tendencies and start embracing life with a new mindset—one that was focused on progress, not perfection.
This mindset is crucial because, as Garrett learned, life rewards the willingness to fail more than it rewards perfection. We often think that the goal is to achieve a perfect result every time. But the real goal is to learn from each attempt, to enjoy the process, and to become better over time. The willingness to fail—and to fail publicly, sometimes—becomes a mark of courage and authenticity. The more you embrace failure, the more you learn to take risks without fear. And with each risk, you gain confidence in your ability to succeed, even after failure.
So, what does this mean for you? What are the things you’ve avoided because you’re afraid of failing? Maybe it’s starting a new business, asking someone out, trying a new skill, or stepping into a new role. The reality is that you can’t improve if you don’t give yourself permission to fail. The first attempt might be awkward, it might be messy, and it might not be successful. But in that first attempt is the seed of growth. You can’t become better unless you first let yourself be bad at something.
Garrett’s journey wasn’t just about breakdancing—it was about shifting his entire approach to life. When you embrace the freedom to fail, you no longer let perfectionism dictate your actions. You take risks, try new things, and learn from every experience, regardless of the outcome. By the end of his challenge, Garrett had shifted from someone who was paralyzed by fear of failure to someone who could laugh at his missteps, embrace the journey, and trust that each mistake was simply part of the path to mastery. This mindset is the key to breaking free from the self-imposed limitations of perfectionism and starting to live more freely, boldly, and authentically.
Level 5: Authenticity Over Performance
The final and most liberating level of not giving a f*ck is learning to embrace authenticity over performance. At this stage, you no longer feel the need to modify yourself for others’ approval, nor do you worry about performing in any given social situation to meet external expectations. This shift represents the ultimate freedom because it’s not just about overcoming fear or embarrassment; it’s about liberating yourself from the constant pressure to be someone you’re not. When you choose authenticity over performance, you start living a life based on who you truly are, rather than who you think others want you to be.
At this level, the act of “performing” ceases to be a conscious choice. Many people live their lives in what can be described as “performance mode,” constantly adjusting their behavior, words, and attitudes to fit the perceived needs of the people around them. They may act in a way that’s different from their true nature, always striving for approval, attention, or acceptance. The problem with this mindset is that it’s exhausting, and it ultimately leads to feelings of disconnection. You may attract people who like the version of you that you’ve created, but not the real you—and that’s an exhausting cycle to maintain.
The process of becoming more authentic is not just about ceasing to act or speak a certain way in public—it’s about reexamining why we perform in the first place. We perform because we’re afraid: afraid of rejection, of not being good enough, or of not being liked. But once you let go of these fears and stop trying to meet everyone’s expectations, you realize that being yourself is not only easier but far more fulfilling.
This lesson was perhaps most apparent in Garrett’s final challenge, where he had to face his discomfort with rejection and his fear of not being liked. The task was to approach strangers—while wearing a chicken suit, no less—and convince them to go skydiving with him. The absurdity of the challenge wasn’t just for comic relief; it was designed to push Garrett to move beyond his preoccupation with how others saw him. The key here wasn’t about convincing strangers to go skydiving, it was about confronting the way he had viewed social interactions up to that point: as performances he had to get “right.”
When Garrett first set out to approach people in the chicken suit, he was still struggling with the need to please others. He was still worried about being rejected or laughed at, but as the challenge wore on, he began to loosen up. He realized that the people he approached were just as human as he was—full of their own thoughts, insecurities, and concerns. The rejection he initially feared wasn’t personal—it was simply a reflection of their own preferences and choices, not a judgment of his worth.
What Garrett learned during this task was that when you stop performing for others, you allow yourself to be authentic. You no longer feel like you have to pretend to be something you’re not in order to be accepted. By the end of the challenge, he was approaching strangers with a new sense of confidence, not because he was trying to impress them, but because he had come to terms with the fact that they weren’t judging him nearly as harshly as he had imagined.
In fact, by the time Garrett had completed his chicken-suited challenge, he had faced rejection multiple times, been laughed at, and experienced a great deal of discomfort. And yet, he had never felt more empowered. The rejection no longer felt like a crushing blow to his ego because he was no longer tying his value to others’ opinions. Instead, Garrett embraced his authentic self—the one who was willing to look foolish, to take risks, and to engage with the world on his own terms. This is the power of authenticity: it frees you from the exhausting need to be perfect, and it allows you to show up in your life exactly as you are.
This shift from performance to authenticity is a game-changer. It’s the point where the internal battle between “who you are” and “who you think you should be” comes to an end. When you prioritize authenticity, you begin to attract people who appreciate you for your true self—not the person you are pretending to be. These relationships are the foundation for deep, meaningful connections because they are built on truth, not on the mask you wear for others.
One of the most profound things Garrett experienced in his journey was the realization that authenticity is magnetic. The more he embraced his true self, the more confident and comfortable he became in his own skin. He didn’t need to “perform” to get people to like him. In fact, when he stopped performing, he was able to approach relationships from a place of freedom and power. He didn’t care about rejection anymore because he understood that rejection wasn’t a reflection of his worth—it was just an indication that he hadn’t met the right person or situation yet.
Moreover, authenticity allowed Garrett to take control of his own narrative. When you stop trying to please others, you begin to write your own story, one where you make choices that align with your values and desires—not someone else’s. It’s about choosing to live your life according to your standards, not society’s expectations or the need for external validation.
This level of freedom is invaluable. It’s not just about stopping the performance—it’s about realizing that you are enough exactly as you are. You don’t have to be “perfect” to be loved, accepted, or valued. You don’t have to conform to societal expectations or mold yourself into something you’re not in order to feel worthy. When you embrace your true self, you free yourself from the chains of self-doubt and insecurity that come from constantly measuring your worth based on the opinions of others.
In Garrett’s case, the final challenge to convince strangers to go skydiving while dressed as a chicken was more than just a comedic exercise. It was the moment when he realized that he could do something absurd and still feel empowered. His ability to engage with strangers in an authentic way, without concern for how they would judge him, was the pinnacle of his transformation. By the end of the challenge, Garrett had not only conquered his fear of rejection, but he had also embraced the ultimate freedom that comes from being unapologetically yourself.
This final level of non-fuckery is about living a life that is true to who you are. It’s about shedding the false personas and masks that you’ve created to meet others’ expectations and stepping into your authentic self, fully and unapologetically. When you embrace this level of freedom, you no longer have to worry about how others perceive you. You no longer have to perform. You just have to live. And in that freedom, you will find the joy and fulfillment that comes from living a life that is entirely your own.
Conclusion: The Zero-F*cks Zone
Reaching the final level of non-fuckery is like entering a new dimension of freedom. It’s a state where fear, doubt, and insecurity no longer hold you hostage. You begin to live life on your own terms, without constantly worrying about others’ opinions. Whether it’s failing, getting rejected, or just making a fool of yourself, you realize that none of these things are the end of the world. In fact, they’re just part of the journey.
Garrett’s transformation—jumping out of planes, dancing like no one was watching, and even talking to strangers while dressed like a chicken—illustrates the immense power of letting go of all the unnecessary f*cks we give. As he finally achieved the pinnacle of freedom, he became someone who could face any challenge, embrace any failure, and live life unapologetically.
What are you waiting for? Drop the facade. Stop giving a f*ck. The world will keep spinning, and you’ll be free to do whatever the hell you want.