In any minute, any second, football fans know the score. Even beer-guzzling Big George, dozing in front of the TV set on football Sunday, knows. Poke his pudgy pot, and in a wink, he’ll tell you who’s winning, who’s losing, and by precisely how many points.
Key players in the game of life are like George. Even when you think they’re dozing, they are constantly aware of the score between themselves and everyone in their life—friends and family included! They know who is winning, who is losing, and by how many points.
The Unspoken Hierarchy
In Japan, a land steeped in tradition and etiquette, the hierarchy in relationships is crystal clear. When two Japanese businessmen meet, it’s immediately obvious who holds the higher status. You measure it in millimeters, not in words or actions. How close to the floor their noses come when bowing tells the story. The bottom man’s nose dives lower, signaling his deference to the higher-ranking individual.
In contrast, the United States doesn’t have the same carefully choreographed bows to signify the score in a relationship. But within the vast expanse of corporate America, the players understand the scorecard, even if it’s not explicitly acknowledged. It’s a scorecard that can change with every interaction, determining who is currently the top dog and who is bottom dog.
Playing the Game: Top Dog vs. Bottom Dog
In this unspoken game, the bottom dog is tasked with curtsying deeper. They must demonstrate deference and respect to the top dog. This might involve offering to meet at the top dog’s office, picking up the tab at a restaurant when appropriate, and being highly respectful of the top dog’s time and preferences. Failing to show the proper deference can lead to being disqualified from the game, with no chance of barking in the big league.
Let me illustrate this with a real-life example. My friend Laura had a dream of creating a successful health shake. When she had the opportunity to pitch her product to Fred, the top banana of a supermarket chain, she faltered. She quizzed him about shipping details, complained about her pen running out of ink, and made a series of errors that conveyed her lack of deference.
But the worst blunder came when, after Fred generously invited Laura to send him samples of her health shake, she inquired about the logistics of shipping. Fred likely mentioned FedEx, to which Laura asked, “Well, my milkshake needs to stay refrigerated. Does FedEx have refrigerated trucks?”
With that question, Laura essentially strangled her own deal. She should have been so grateful for the opportunity that she would have personally delivered the product to his supermarket if needed. Laura was clearly oblivious to the concept of The Great Scorecard in the Sky, and that day, the tally was Fred everything, Laura nothing.
Big Winners and Their Calculations
Before big winners put pen to paper, fingers to keyboard, mouth to phone, or hand to someone else’s for a handshake, they engage in a quick mental calculation. They ask themselves, “Who stands to benefit the most from this relationship? What have each of us done recently that demands deference from the other?” It’s about evaluating the balance and making strategic moves to even the score.
Friends Keep Tabs Too
The Great Scorecard in the Sky doesn’t just loom over business interactions; it extends into our personal lives, too. If you look carefully over the heads of your loved ones, you’ll spot it. This invisible scorecard fluctuates every day, influenced by our actions and interactions. When you make a mistake, it’s your responsibility to rectify it and even the score. After all, maintaining healthy relationships often requires keeping an eye on The Great Scorecard in the Sky.
The Story of a Dinner Date
To illustrate the impact of this scorecard in daily life, let’s recount an experience. Several months ago, Leil met a gentleman named Charles at a convention. They discovered a shared love for homemade linguine with pesto sauce. Emboldened by this coincidence, Leil invited him to dinner at her place. He eagerly accepted, and they set the date for seven-thirty the following Tuesday.
Tuesday arrived, and Leil began preparations for their dinner date. She monitored the cuckoo clock on her wall to stay on schedule. At five cuckoos, she rushed to the store to find pine nuts. By six cuckoos, she was back home grinding basil and garlic. At seven cuckoos, she was meticulously setting the table with fresh candles. Yet, in her haste, she found herself running late. She quickly changed into suitable attire and spruced herself up. When the clock struck seven-thirty, she was fully prepared, with the homemade pesto sauce ready and waiting.
However, eight o’clock came and went, and Charles was nowhere to be seen. Leil decided to open a bottle of wine to let it breathe while she waited. Another hour passed, and still no sign of him. The cuckoo clock had now chimed nine times, and it was abundantly clear that Leil had been stood up.
The Follow-Up Call
The next day, Charles called with half-hearted apologies and a semi-plausible excuse – his car had broken down. Leil offered gracious sympathies, though her inner monologue wanted to ask if he had been captured by Martians or transported to a dimension with no phones. Despite his tardiness, he sounded somewhat contrite, and Leil was almost willing to forgive the slip-up. That was until he posed the next question.
Completely unaware of how he had fared on The Great Scorecard in the Sky, Charles made a crucial mistake. Instead of attempting to rectify the situation and make amends for his blunder, he asked, “When can we reschedule at your house?”
Leil’s response was clear in her mind: Never, Charles.
Your Habits Shape Your Destiny
The stories of these individuals, both those who irked and those who impressed, illustrate a fundamental truth – our actions, no matter how small, accumulate over time to create a destiny. It’s not a single action or gesture but a multitude of small, smooth moves that define our character and our interactions with others.
Repeating an action creates a habit, and these habits shape our character. In turn, our character becomes our destiny. Success is not an isolated event but the outcome of consistently making the right moves in our interactions, much like the ninety-two strategies we’ve explored in “How to Talk to Anyone.” These moves become the building blocks of our destiny.
As we navigate the complex web of human relationships, it’s essential to keep an eye on The Great Scorecard in the Sky. It’s an ever-present reminder that we should strive to maintain balance and respect in our interactions with others. After all, it’s the individuals who leave positive, lasting impressions that often rise to great heights, both in their personal and professional lives.