In the 1940s, the golden era of cinema, movies were a delightful escape from reality. People would dress up, hop into their Buicks adorned with foxtails on the radio antenna and baby boots dangling from the rearview mirror, and head to the local movie house. They would be transported there to a world where stories unfolded before their eyes. These tales typically followed a pattern: the hero and heroine would meet, fall in love, conquer seemingly insurmountable challenges, get married, and, as the curtains closed, presumably live happily ever after. While the stories may have varied slightly, there was always a leading man and often a leading woman. The remaining characters were secondary, and their lives were insignificant compared to the stars.
While movies have evolved, human nature has remained remarkably consistent. We tend to view our lives through the lens of those old-time movies. Every trivial event, mundane detail, or passing thought can take on a momentous significance. It’s as though we’re all stars in our own 1940s films, and the rest of the world plays a supporting role.
Tracking: The Art of Remembering the Details
Technique #75 – Tracking
Like an air traffic controller, you should track the tiniest details of your conversation partners’ lives and refer to them in your conversation like a major news story. This will create a powerful sense of intimacy.
Invoking the last major or minor event in anyone’s life confirms the deep conviction that they are an old-style hero around whom the world revolves. And people love you for recognizing their stardom.
Tracking is not just about storing facts or remembering simple things; it’s about creating genuine connections with people by paying attention to the nuances of their lives. Tracking involves a deeper level of attentiveness—listening actively, observing, and recalling the details that make people feel valued. In an era where digital interactions often replace personal ones, tracking offers a way to break through the noise and make real human connections.
People today are overwhelmed with information, and many conversations can feel superficial or fleeting. The power of tracking lies in making someone feel like their life, thoughts, and experiences matter. Remembering small details—like someone’s favorite food, ongoing challenges, or personal achievements—shows you care about more than just the surface level. It reinforces their sense of importance, turning casual interactions into meaningful conversations.
Tracking requires an active listening skill that goes beyond nodding along. It means picking up on subtle clues that others drop about their lives, whether they mention their kids, hobbies, or stressors. For example, if a colleague mentions they’re working hard on a big presentation, remembering this and asking them how it went in the future demonstrates you’ve been paying attention. This isn’t about being nosy; it’s about making them feel seen. When people feel their lives are important to others, they’re more likely to respond positively and open up.
This art also requires empathy and emotional intelligence. It’s not about simply repeating what someone says but genuinely understanding why certain details matter to them. It could be as simple as remembering that a friend loves reading science fiction or that a client is passionate about a specific charity. When you bring up these topics in a future conversation, it reinforces that their passions and values resonate with you, creating a bond based on shared understanding.
Don’t Leave It to Chance: The Strategy of Politicians and Leaders
Politicians, leaders, and influencers have mastered the art of tracking because they understand that connecting with others requires understanding their unique perspectives and experiences. Politicians often rely on sophisticated systems to record key personal details about their interactions with constituents, donors, and colleagues. The real skill is knowing when to include these details in conversations, making others feel like the conversation is meaningful and customized to them. This skill extends beyond political arenas into leadership and business.
Leaders who use tracking as a strategy can create a powerful sense of loyalty and trust. They know that when people feel seen and heard, they are more likely to engage and collaborate. For example, imagine a manager who remembers that one of their team members recently went on a family vacation. Upon their return, the manager could say, “How was your trip to the Grand Canyon? I hope you had a chance to disconnect a little.” This simple reference acknowledges their personal life and demonstrates that the manager values them as a person, not just an employee.
In political campaigns, this tracking technique can be a game-changer. Politicians can create the illusion of a close relationship by recalling personal events in someone’s life—like a recent promotion or a wedding anniversary. A candidate who remembers the details of a conversation, such as a supporter’s child graduating from college or a donor’s recent trip abroad, immediately separates themselves from other politicians who rely on generic rhetoric. These small, personalized gestures build a stronger emotional connection between the politician and their audience, engendering a sense of loyalty and trust.
By using tracking in these ways, leaders and politicians are not just trying to maintain the illusion of personal relationships; they are strengthening genuine connections. This personal touch helps establish long-term relationships, which is key for gaining support, influencing decisions, and leading effectively. The goal of tracking is not manipulation but genuine engagement with the people around you, making them feel like they are more than just a number or a brief interaction.
Tracking Milestones: Celebrating Achievements and Personal Interests
Tracking milestones is essential to cultivating deeper, more meaningful relationships. A personal or professional milestone marks someone’s growth and development. Recognizing and celebrating these milestones shows that you’ve been paying attention and that you genuinely care about the other person’s journey. Milestones can range from significant achievements, like promotions or graduations, to more personal victories, like overcoming a health challenge or completing a long-term project.
For example, a client mentions that their company is about to launch a new product. Remembering this detail and following up with them a few weeks later to ask how the launch went shows you care about their success. It’s not about the transaction but the person behind the business. Acknowledge their milestone: “How did the launch go? I remember you were preparing for it last time we spoke, and I hope it was a big success.” This simple, thoughtful follow-up will stand out to them and make them feel important.
Tracking milestones can also involve remembering and celebrating the small but significant achievements people overlook. For instance, if someone shares that they’ve finally learned how to make their favorite dish or finished reading a long book, remembering these seemingly minor details makes them feel recognized. When you ask about those things later, it shows that you have been listening and appreciate the effort they put into personal growth, not just professional endeavors.
Another powerful form of tracking milestones involves acknowledging personal challenges and growth. For instance, if a colleague shared that they were struggling to balance work and family life, following up a few months later to ask how they’ve been managing conveys empathy and concern. “How are things at home? I know you were working hard to find a better balance, but it is a simple way to show that you remember their struggles and care about their well-being. This tracking form doesn’t just deepen your relationship with the person; it reinforces their belief that you see them as a whole person, not just someone who fills a specific role.
Tracking Technique: Like an Air-Traffic Controller for Relationships
Managing relationships with the precision of an air traffic controller is an apt metaphor for the level of attention to detail required in tracking. Like air traffic controllers who monitor multiple flights and ensure they don’t collide, you must manage various relationships, keeping track of key details about each person you interact with. This requires an active and systematic approach, where you make mental or physical notes of personal details and milestones so you don’t forget them in future conversations.
To make tracking effective, you must have a reliable system in place. This system can be as simple as taking notes after conversations or as complex as using customer relationship management (CRM) software to track key details. Whether digital or handwritten, your system should allow you to access the information you need when you need it easily. The goal is to refer to important facts and personal details without feeling forced or artificial.
Imagine a scenario where you’ve just spoken with a business partner about their recent European trip. When you follow up with them a few months later, you can reference that trip: “How was your trip to Europe last time we spoke? Did you get to see everything you wanted to?” This shows that you’re not just following up on a project but also their personal experiences. You build a deeper connection beyond the business transaction when you reference these details.
Tracking is about being proactive rather than reactive. It’s about anticipating and promptly acknowledging what’s important to the other person. This level of attention makes others feel cared for and valued. The best relationship-builders don’t let these details slip through the cracks; they are always looking for ways to use them to strengthen the relationship, build rapport, and enhance mutual trust.
The Rewards of Tracking: Why It Works
The rewards of tracking are profound and far-reaching. When you remember personal details and milestones, you create a sense of trust and intimacy. People want to feel like they matter, and tracking is a powerful way to make them feel valued. Over time, this attention to detail helps build long-lasting relationships based on more than just transactional interactions. People are drawn to those who make them feel important, and by consistently referencing personal information, you show that you are one of those people.
In professional settings, the rewards of tracking are clear. You can build a deeper business relationship when you track a client’s successes, challenges, or personal milestones. Clients will feel more connected to you and will likely return for your services or recommend you to others. This is because they remember how you made them feel seen and appreciated, which is far more important than any sales pitch. In leadership roles, tracking helps build a loyal and motivated team. When team members feel acknowledged for their professional and personal lives, they are likelier to stay engaged and committed.
On a personal level, tracking can lead to deeper friendships and more meaningful interactions. It’s not about keeping score or manipulating the relationship; it’s about showing genuine interest in the people around you. As you track important details in their lives, they will feel a sense of emotional reciprocity. The relationships you build through tracks stand the test of time because they are built on mutual respect, empathy, and a shared understanding of each other’s lives.
The impact of tracking is both subtle and powerful. When you track someone’s life, you invest in their success and happiness; in return, they are more likely to invest in you. Tracking is a strategy that strengthens relationships and opens doors to new opportunities, both personally and professionally. Over time, tracking builds trust, which is the foundation of every meaningful relationship.
Conclusion: Tracking as a Relationship-Building Tool
Tracking is a simple yet powerful technique used for centuries by politicians, leaders, and others who know how to cultivate meaningful relationships. By remembering the small details about others’ lives, you can make them feel like the stars of their own story. Whether it’s a personal achievement, a quirky passion, or a fleeting comment about their daily routine, these little details can transform ordinary conversations into intimate exchanges.
The technique doesn’t require you to feign interest—just genuine attentiveness to the moments that matter to those around you. By applying this approach, you’re not just creating rapport; you’re weaving deeper connections that will serve you—and them—well for years to come.
This article is part of the How to Talk to Anyone Series based on Leil Lowndes’ book.