Beyond Small Talk
Have you ever overheard two people talking and instantly recognized the nature of their relationship? It’s an intriguing phenomenon, isn’t it? You can often discern if they’re close friends, acquaintances, or perhaps even a romantic couple without hearing their tone or body language. What’s even more fascinating is that this skill has nothing to do with non-verbal cues.
So, how can you gauge the depth of a connection solely through conversation? The answer lies in a captivating progression of dialogue that unfolds as people grow closer. Let’s explore this progression and uncover a remarkable technique to foster immediate intimacy, which is called the “Premature We.”
The Levels of Conversation
- Level One: Clichés: When strangers engage in conversation, they tend to exchange clichés. Consider the universal topic of weather; one person might say, “Beautiful sunny weather we’ve been having,” or “Boy, some rain, huh?” These are the clichéd phrases of initial interactions.
- Level Two: Facts: People who are acquainted but not yet close friends often engage in factual discussions. They might exchange observations like, “We’ve had twice as many sunny days this year as last,” or “We decided to put in a swimming pool to beat the heat.”
- Level Three: Feelings and Personal Questions: Friends feel comfortable expressing their emotions, even about mundane subjects like the weather. They also ask each other personal questions. For instance, “I just love these sunny days,” or “Are you a sun person?”
- Level Four: We Statements: At the pinnacle of intimacy are “we” and “us” statements. Friends discussing the weather might say, “If we keep having this good weather, it’ll be a great summer.” Lovers might express, “I hope this good weather keeps up for us so we can go swimming on our trip.”
The Power of Premature We
The “Premature We” technique capitalizes on the intimate nature of we and us statements. By using these pronouns prematurely, you can create an immediate sense of closeness. It’s a way to make a client, prospect, or even a stranger feel like you’re already friends. In a romantic context, it can make a potential partner feel like you’re already an item.
Here’s how it works: When engaging in casual conversation, bypass levels one and two. Jump directly to levels three and four. Ask your conversation partner about their feelings on a topic, just as you would with a close friend. For instance, “How do you feel about the new governor?”
Then, incorporate the pronoun we when discussing anything that could impact both of you. Say, “Do you think we’re going to prosper during his administration?” It’s all about crafting sentences that people instinctively reserve for those they are intimately connected with, like friends, lovers, or close confidants.
Fostering Togetherness
The word we has an extraordinary power – it fosters a sense of togetherness. It makes your conversation partner feel connected and hints at a bond that transcends mere acquaintanceship. It conveys a subliminal message of “you and me against the cold, cold world.” Even when used prematurely with strangers, it subconsciously brings them closer and hints that you are already friends.
Imagine being at a party and striking up a conversation with someone in the buffet line. You could say, “Hey, this looks great. They really laid out a nice spread for us.” Or playfully remark, “Uh-oh, we’re going to get fat if we let ourselves enjoy all of this.”
In conclusion, we’ve explored a range of techniques to enhance your communication skills, from mirroring body language to evoking potent images and using anatomically correct empathizers. Now, armed with the “Premature We,” you can create instant connections and foster the warm feeling of a long history, even with fairly new acquaintances.