In a world obsessed with appearances, approval, and validation, it’s easy to find ourselves trapped in the opinions of others. Whether it’s the unsolicited judgment of strangers, the echo chambers of social media, or even the expectations of close friends and family, we often find ourselves altering our behavior to fit what others deem acceptable. Yet, throughout history, many philosophers have warned against this tendency, urging us to let go of the need for external validation. Here’s why you should care less about what others think, according to some of the greatest thinkers in philosophy.
Marcus Aurelius: Embrace Stoic Indifference
Marcus Aurelius, the revered Roman Emperor, is perhaps best known for his profound insights into Stoic philosophy, which he practiced diligently throughout his life. Despite holding immense power and authority as the ruler of the Roman Empire, Aurelius was not immune to the personal struggles and external pressures that plagued him, particularly in his interactions with others. Throughout his Meditations, he reflects on the challenges of dealing with difficult, ungrateful, and often hostile people—a sentiment that resonates deeply even in modern times.
Aurelius’ Stoic philosophy is built around the idea of focusing on what is within our control and letting go of concerns over things beyond our influence. He famously wrote, “Someone despises me. That’s their problem. Mine: not to do or say anything despicable.” This philosophy essentially teaches that while we cannot control how others behave or what they think of us, we can control our response to their behavior. By maintaining our personal integrity, regardless of how others act, we free ourselves from the emotional turmoil that stems from seeking validation or fearing criticism.
In his writings, Aurelius stresses that our internal state should remain undisturbed by external circumstances. For example, when faced with criticism, rather than retaliating or getting angry, Aurelius encourages the individual to remain patient, understanding, and steadfast in their character. He wrote that it is essential to remain cheerful and to respond with dignity, even when faced with people who may be rude, disrespectful, or ungrateful. This allows us to live a virtuous life despite the negativity or toxicity of others.
In today’s world, where judgment is often passed freely—especially through social media—Aurelius’ Stoic mindset offers a powerful lesson. The wisdom of understanding that other people’s opinions are outside of our control helps protect our mental peace. Instead of expending energy on trying to change how others perceive us, we can focus on what we can control: our actions, our attitude, and our capacity for compassion. By following this approach, we can cultivate a sense of calm and confidence that is unshaken by external judgments.
Diogenes: The Freedom of Indifference
Diogenes of Sinope, the iconoclastic Cynic philosopher, represents one of the most radical forms of rejecting societal norms and expectations. Diogenes was a figure of extreme indifference, which he expressed through his lifestyle and behavior. He lived in a barrel, discarded material possessions, and flaunted his disregard for social conventions at every opportunity. His life was a direct challenge to the status quo of Greek society, which placed great value on wealth, status, and societal approval.
One of the most famous anecdotes about Diogenes involves him walking through the streets of Athens during the day with a lantern, claiming he was searching for an “honest man.” This provocative act was a scathing critique of the dishonesty and hypocrisy Diogenes saw in the people around him. He lived a life that rejected every expectation of the time, including the pursuit of money, fame, and public approval.
Diogenes’ disregard for societal norms extended to his own personal behavior. He famously lived shamelessly, exhibiting behaviors such as eating and making love in public, as well as walking barefoot through the streets. He admired dogs for their lack of self-consciousness, noting that dogs do not care about what others think of them; they simply live according to their own needs and instincts. For Diogenes, this shamelessness was a virtue. In his view, dogs represented a kind of authenticity and freedom that people, bound by societal expectations, lacked.
In the modern context, where we are often inundated with pressures to conform and fit into predetermined roles, Diogenes’ philosophy offers a refreshing antidote. His radical indifference to public opinion made him impervious to criticism, and his refusal to adhere to societal expectations granted him an unshakable sense of freedom. By not caring about how others perceive us, we free ourselves from the constant chase for approval and status. Diogenes’ way of life—uncompromising, unapologetic, and entirely authentic—challenges us to reconsider how much energy we expend on conforming to societal pressures. In doing so, we can embrace the kind of freedom that comes with being true to ourselves, regardless of how others may react.
Arthur Schopenhauer: The Futility of Seeking Approval
Arthur Schopenhauer, a German philosopher famous for his bleak view of life, also offers profound insights into why we should not care about the opinions of others. Schopenhauer’s philosophy is grounded in the idea that life is essentially a cycle of suffering, driven by what he called the “will to live.” According to Schopenhauer, this irrational force propels us to strive endlessly for things we believe will bring us satisfaction, only to find that such desires are never truly fulfilled. One of the greatest sources of human dissatisfaction, in his view, is the desire for approval and validation from others.
Schopenhauer criticized the human tendency to seek admiration and status. He saw this as a “peculiar weakness of human nature,” one that often leads people to adopt behaviors and attitudes that are not aligned with their true selves. The pursuit of others’ approval, he argued, is inherently flawed because people’s opinions are often shallow, irrational, and prone to change. In fact, Schopenhauer observed that most of the opinions people form are based on ignorance or misguided judgments. As a result, seeking validation from others is an exercise in futility, as it leads to constant dependency on something that is unreliable and temporary.
Schopenhauer’s own life offers a striking example of his philosophy. Despite the criticism and rejection he faced from his mother and others, Schopenhauer stayed true to his dark, pessimistic worldview. He argued that the happiness gained from others’ approval is fleeting and that it comes at the cost of peace of mind and autonomy. Rather than being driven by external validation, Schopenhauer suggested that individuals should focus on cultivating their inner strength, which would allow them to transcend the need for external recognition.
The philosopher’s message is clear: the approval of others is often an empty pursuit. Seeking validation from people whose judgments are often unreliable only serves to create dependency and emotional turmoil. Instead, we should focus on developing a strong internal sense of self-worth, grounded in our own values and beliefs. By recognizing the futility of this endless quest for approval, we free ourselves from the constant pressure to conform and gain a sense of freedom and peace that cannot be shaken by external judgment.
Epictetus: Focus on What You Can Control
Epictetus, one of the most influential Stoic philosophers, offers some of the most practical and actionable advice when it comes to managing the opinions of others. Born a slave, Epictetus spent much of his life in difficult circumstances, yet his teachings have remained timeless because they emphasize personal empowerment and resilience in the face of adversity. One of Epictetus’ core teachings is the distinction between what is within our control and what is not. He believed that external events, such as the opinions and actions of others, are outside our control, and the only thing we can truly govern is our own mind.
A powerful example of this teaching is illustrated in one of Epictetus’ most famous anecdotes. He tells the story of a poor man who is upset that others pity him for his low status. The man wishes to change their perceptions, either by convincing them that poverty isn’t something to be pitied or by adopting a facade of wealth to gain their approval. However, Epictetus cuts through this idea, explaining that the man cannot change how others perceive him because such opinions lie outside his control. The only thing within his power is how he responds to these judgments.
Epictetus teaches that when we spend energy trying to alter others’ opinions, we are essentially investing in something beyond our control and that this brings unnecessary suffering. The man’s distress comes from his attachment to external validation, rather than accepting the situation as it is and focusing on his internal state. Epictetus would argue that the key to peace lies in detaching from the need for approval from others and concentrating on the only thing we can control: our thoughts and actions.
This lesson is incredibly relevant in our modern world, where it is easy to get caught up in the opinions of others, particularly in a society where public perception can be amplified by social media. Whether we’re concerned about how we look, what others think of our decisions, or whether we are accepted by a certain group, Epictetus reminds us that these things are beyond our control. What we can control is how we respond to others’ opinions and how we choose to live authentically according to our values, not someone else’s expectations.
By internalizing this wisdom, we gain the freedom to live our lives more peacefully. Instead of succumbing to the turmoil caused by others’ judgments, we can focus on cultivating inner strength, acting in alignment with our principles, and letting go of the need to be liked or validated by others. Epictetus’ teachings empower us to prioritize our mental well-being over the fleeting approval of others, fostering resilience and self-assurance.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: The Value of Non-Conformity
Ralph Waldo Emerson, a champion of individuality and self-reliance, offers a philosophy that strongly resonates with the idea of rejecting the importance of others’ opinions. In his essay Self-Reliance, Emerson argues that individuals must trust their inner voice and resist the temptation to conform to societal expectations. For Emerson, living authentically meant trusting one’s own instincts and judgment, rather than seeking validation from external sources. He famously stated, “Imitation is suicide,” highlighting the self-destructive nature of conforming to the expectations or behaviors of others.
For Emerson, the key to a fulfilling life lies in embracing one’s unique perspective and pursuing one’s own path. He believed that each person has an inherent “inner light,” a guiding force that helps them navigate the complexities of life. This inner voice, which Emerson described as a divine spark or “over-soul,” is a source of wisdom that can only be fully understood by the individual who listens to it. To ignore this inner guidance in favor of societal approval is to reject one’s true self and squander one’s unique potential.
Emerson’s philosophy also emphasizes the idea that each person’s journey is deeply personal and should not be dictated by the opinions of others. He argued that people who are overly concerned with societal judgment often lose touch with their own desires and passions. Instead of following the path that others have laid out for them, Emerson urged individuals to trust their own instincts and chart their own course in life. This requires courage and a willingness to stand apart from the crowd.
In a world where conformity is often celebrated and individuality is sometimes viewed with suspicion, Emerson’s teachings serve as a powerful reminder to honor our authenticity. By rejecting the need for external approval, we open ourselves up to a life of creativity, fulfillment, and personal growth. Emerson’s call to self-reliance challenges us to look inward for validation and guidance, rather than outward to the fickle judgments of others. This philosophy encourages us to embrace our uniqueness and follow our own truth, even if it means standing apart from societal norms or expectations.
Emerson’s teachings also caution against the dangers of imitation and conformity. When we mimic others or try to live up to external standards, we lose touch with our true essence. True freedom, according to Emerson, lies in self-trust and the courage to pursue one’s unique path, regardless of what others may think. By embracing our individuality, we not only enrich our own lives but also contribute to the diversity and richness of the human experience.
Friedrich Nietzsche: The Overman’s Rejection of the Herd
Friedrich Nietzsche, a philosopher known for his radical ideas about individualism and self-empowerment, took the rejection of societal expectations to an even greater extreme. Nietzsche introduced the concept of the Übermensch (overman), a figure who transcends conventional morality and societal standards to create his own values. In Nietzsche’s view, the Übermensch is an individual who rejects the herd mentality and forges a path of self-overcoming, embracing a life of continual growth and personal excellence.
For Nietzsche, the herd represents the masses who conform to societal norms and are driven by short-term pleasures, consumerism, and the pursuit of comfort. These individuals, whom Nietzsche refers to as the “last men,” are content to live mundane, safe lives devoid of deeper meaning or purpose. They seek validation from the crowd and avoid taking risks or questioning the established order. The Übermensch, in contrast, is a person who rises above this mediocrity and creates their own values, independent of societal expectations.
Nietzsche’s concept of the Übermensch is not simply about rejecting conformity for the sake of rebellion; it is about the pursuit of a higher, more meaningful existence. The Übermensch does not conform to the values imposed by society, but instead creates his or her own values through self-exploration, courage, and self-discipline. This process of self-overcoming is central to Nietzsche’s philosophy, as he believed that true greatness could only be achieved by transcending conventional norms and constantly striving to become a better version of oneself.
Nietzsche’s idea of the Übermensch is particularly relevant in today’s world, where many people seem to be led by external forces such as consumerism, corporate agendas, and the pursuit of status. The pressure to conform to these external influences can often lead to feelings of emptiness and a lack of purpose. Nietzsche’s philosophy urges us to break free from the herd and embrace a path of self-discovery and personal transformation. The Übermensch represents the pinnacle of human potential, a person who creates their own meaning and lives life on their own terms.
However, Nietzsche also recognized that the path of the Übermensch is not an easy one. To break free from societal expectations and live authentically requires immense courage, resilience, and a willingness to face ridicule and criticism. The Übermensch must be prepared to endure the alienation and misunderstanding that often accompany non-conformity. Nietzsche believed that the pursuit of personal excellence and authenticity was worth any price, even if it meant being misunderstood by others. For Nietzsche, the true reward of embracing the Übermensch philosophy is the freedom to live a life of meaning, purpose, and continuous self-overcoming, regardless of the opinions of the masses.
In the modern world, Nietzsche’s rejection of the herd mentality is more relevant than ever. The constant pressure to conform to social media trends, consumerist ideals, and corporate-driven narratives can stifle creativity and individuality. Nietzsche’s philosophy challenges us to reject the shallow distractions of the herd and forge our own path, creating values that reflect our true selves and not the expectations of others. By doing so, we can embrace a life of authenticity, personal growth, and self-empowerment.
Conclusion: The Philosophical Case for Freedom
From Marcus Aurelius’ Stoic detachment to Nietzsche’s bold rejection of societal norms, the case against caring about what others think is clear. The philosophers of the past encourage us to look inward, trust our own judgments, and focus on what we can control—our thoughts, actions, and values. When we free ourselves from the weight of others’ opinions, we can live more authentic, fulfilling lives. In a world where external pressures are ever-present, these timeless teachings offer a powerful antidote to the toxic influence of other people’s judgments.