In a world obsessed with appearances, approval, and validation, it’s easy to find ourselves trapped in the opinions of others. Whether it’s the unsolicited judgment of strangers, the echo chambers of social media, or even the expectations of close friends and family, we often alter our behavior to fit what others deem acceptable. Yet, throughout history, many philosophers have warned against this tendency, urging us to relinquish the need for external validation. Here’s why you should care less about what others think, according to some of the greatest thinkers in philosophy.
Marcus Aurelius: Embrace Stoic Indifference
Marcus Aurelius, the philosopher-king who reigned over the Roman Empire during its golden years, is often regarded as one of the finest examples of Stoic philosophy in practice. Stoicism, an ancient Greek philosophy emphasizing self-control, virtue, and rationality, became a core aspect of Aurelius’ rule. In his Meditations, written as personal reflections and guidelines for self-improvement, he shared his strategies for dealing with his challenges—both as an emperor and a human being.
One of the central tenets of Stoicism is the distinction between what is within our control and what lies beyond it. For Marcus Aurelius, this was a liberating realization. He understood that while he could not control the thoughts, actions, or opinions of others, he could control how he responded to them. His famous quote, “Someone despises me. That’s their problem. Mine: not to do or say anything despicable,” exemplifies this mindset. For Aurelius, the actions and judgments of others were not his burden to carry. What mattered was that he maintained his moral integrity, regardless of external opinions or criticisms.
Aurelius’ detachment from external validation helped him focus on his duties and personal growth. The emperor saw that being hurt or disturbed by others’ opinions would only distract him from his purpose. He famously said, “If someone can show me what I think or do is not right, I will gladly change it. For I seek the truth, which never harmed anyone.” This humility, coupled with the resolve to act per one’s values, highlights how the Stoic approach to life can bring tranquility even in the face of immense external pressure.
In a world where public opinion is often considered a key factor in determining success or failure, Marcus Aurelius teaches us the power of inner peace and focus. By reminding ourselves that the opinions of others are beyond our control, we can free ourselves from their negative impact and focus on cultivating a virtuous life—one based on integrity and personal growth rather than external approval.
Diogenes: The Freedom of Indifference
Diogenes of Sinope, a Greek philosopher and one of the central figures of Cynicism, took the Stoic principle of indifference to an extreme. He lived a life that was as radical in rejecting social norms as in embracing simplicity and self-sufficiency. Diogenes rejected the pursuit of wealth, status, and material possessions, which he saw as distractions from a truly virtuous and authentic life. He lived in a barrel, slept in public, and declared that he was looking for an honest man while wandering the streets of Athens with a lantern in broad daylight.
For Diogenes, the opinions of others were irrelevant. His philosophy, which rejected the artifice of society, centered around the idea that true happiness could only be found by living according to nature and disregarding the opinions of others. He admired the shamelessness of dogs—who eat, sleep, and reproduce without concern for social judgment—as an ideal for human behavior. Diogenes argued that being indifferent to social expectations and norms could attain a level of freedom and authenticity that most people could only dream of.
Diogenes’ life was a radical statement against the societal values of his time, which prized status, wealth, and conformity. In a world where public approval often drives behavior, Diogenes’ example is a powerful reminder that true liberation comes from rejecting the need for validation. If we constantly worry about how others perceive us, we give them power over our happiness and peace of mind. Diogenes’ indifference to social conventions made him unassailable; he could not be swayed or controlled because he refused to care about the opinions of others.
In modern society, where social media and public judgment seem to govern so much of our lives, Diogenes’ philosophy of indifference offers a blueprint for reclaiming autonomy. By adopting a mindset of detachment from others’ judgments, we can find freedom in living authentically, unburdened by the expectations and criticisms of the crowd.
Arthur Schopenhauer: The Futility of Seeking Approval
Arthur Schopenhauer, a German philosopher known for his pessimistic outlook on life, also warned against pursuing approval from others. His philosophy, deeply influenced by Eastern thought, particularly Buddhism, painted a stark picture of the human condition. He believed that life is driven by an insatiable “will to live,” a blind, irrational force that compels us to desire things, often without considering whether those desires are truly fulfilling or reasonable.
Schopenhauer observed that one of people’s most common and misguided desires is the need for validation from others. This desire for approval, he argued, is a deep-seated weakness of human nature. People often base their self-worth on the opinions of others, believing that the approval of others will bring them happiness and fulfillment. Schopenhauer, however, saw this as a futile pursuit. The approval we seek from others is fleeting, and the cost of trying to win others’ favor—whether through behavior, appearance, or achievement—is often a loss of personal peace and autonomy.
Schopenhauer also noted that people are generally poor judges of character and value. Our culture often rewards shallow qualities, such as appearance or material success, over deeper virtues. In this context, seeking the approval of others becomes a dangerous game that may lead us to compromise our true selves to meet societal expectations. Schopenhauer’s advice was clear: the more we invest in the approval of others, the more dependent we become on their judgments, and the more we lose our independence and peace of mind.
For Schopenhauer, true fulfillment liberates one from the constant desire for external validation. By recognizing that others’ opinions are often misguided, superficial, and irrelevant to our true happiness, we can free ourselves from the cycle of seeking approval and focus instead on cultivating a life that is true to our values and convictions. Schopenhauer’s perspective reminds us that happiness cannot be found in others’ opinions but in our ability to live authentically, independent of external judgment.
Epictetus: Focus on What You Can Control
Epictetus, a Stoic philosopher born into slavery and later became one of the most respected philosophers of his time, taught that the key to a peaceful and fulfilling life lies in focusing only on what we can control and letting go of what we cannot. In his Discourses, Epictetus made it clear that we have no power over the actions, opinions, or judgments of others. Instead, our energy should be directed toward our thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors.
Epictetus often spoke of the futility of seeking to control external circumstances, particularly the opinions of others. He famously taught that “What people do and think is not within your control, and that is why it should not be a prime concern.” In one famous anecdote, Epictetus addresses a man upset that others pitied him for his poverty and low status. Epictetus explained that the man’s suffering came not from his poverty but from his attachment to others’ opinions. If he truly wanted to be free from this pain, he needed to stop caring about the judgment of others and focus instead on his response to the situation.
The Stoic message here is simple yet profound: We cannot control what others think or say, but we can control how we react to it. Epictetus taught that suffering arises when we become attached to things outside our control. Therefore, by relinquishing the need to control others’ perceptions, we free ourselves from unnecessary emotional turmoil and regain our peace of mind.
Epictetus’ teachings are especially valuable in today’s world, where social media and public opinion often dictate our actions and self-worth. By focusing on what we can control—our attitudes, actions, and beliefs—we can protect ourselves from the harmful effects of others’ judgments. Epictetus reminds us that true freedom comes from within, and the only opinion that matters is our own.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: The Value of Non-Conformity
Ralph Waldo Emerson, an American transcendentalist philosopher and essayist, passionately advocated for individuality and non-conformity. In his essay Self-Reliance, Emerson argues that the key to living a fulfilled life is to trust one’s inner voice and resist the pressure to conform to societal norms. For Emerson, the act of imitation—whether it be imitating others’ behaviors, opinions, or lifestyles—was tantamount to self-destruction. “Imitation is suicide,” he famously declared, suggesting that by trying to fit into the mold of what society deems acceptable, we kill our unique potential.
Emerson believed each individual possesses an inner “light” or “divine spark” that guides them toward their true purpose. This inner voice, Emerson argued, should be the ultimate authority in our lives, not the judgments or expectations of others. By trusting ourselves and embracing our individuality, we can live authentically and cultivate a truly our own life. Emerson’s philosophy encourages us to look inward for guidance rather than seeking validation from the external world.
Emerson’s teachings offer a refreshing reminder of the importance of nonconformity in a society that often values conformity and social approval. To follow the path of self-reliance is to prioritize one’s inner voice over the opinions of others. Doing so allows us to tap into our true potential and live authentic and fulfilling lives.
Friedrich Nietzsche: The Overman’s Rejection of the Herd
Friedrich Nietzsche, a German philosopher often regarded as one of the most influential thinkers of the 19th century, introduced the concept of the Übermensch or “overman” as part of his critique of conventional morality and societal norms. For Nietzsche, the overman represents the pinnacle of human potential—an individual who has transcended the limitations of traditional values and created their path in life. The expectations of society do not bind the overman, nor does he seek approval from the masses. Instead, the overman follows his instincts, embraces self-overcoming, and rises above the herd mentality that keeps most people tethered to mediocrity.
In his work Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Nietzsche describes the journey to becoming the overman as one of self-discovery and transformation. The overman is not content with following the conventional path of least resistance; instead, he dares to break away from the norms that society imposes and creates his values. Nietzsche famously said, “The most spiritual men, those who are driven to greatness, are often misunderstood or ridiculed by the masses,” acknowledging that the path of self-actualization is often fraught with criticism and alienation.
Nietzsche’s philosophy challenges us to break free from the societal chains that bind us. In a world that often values conformity, consumerism, and short-term pleasures, Nietzsche’s idea of the overman offers a path to a more meaningful existence that requires courage, self-discipline, and the willingness to face ridicule and rejection. Nietzsche’s call to transcend the herd mentality is to embrace our true selves, reject societal expectations, and pursue a life of continual self-overcoming and personal growth.
In the modern world, where conformity is often disguised as success, Nietzsche’s philosophy is a powerful reminder that true greatness lies in our ability to carve our path, unencumbered by others’ judgments and expectations.
Conclusion: The Philosophical Case for Freedom
From Marcus Aurelius’ Stoic detachment to Nietzsche’s bold rejection of societal norms, the case against caring about what others think is clear. The philosophers of the past encouraged us to look inward, trust our judgments, and focus on what we can control—our thoughts, actions, and values. We can live more authentic, fulfilling lives when we free ourselves from the weight of others’ opinions. In a world where external pressures are ever-present, these timeless teachings offer a powerful antidote to the toxic influence of other people’s judgments.