Loneliness, that familiar ache in the heart, is an emotion many people experience at some point in their lives. Yet, it’s essential to recognize that loneliness is more than just a feeling—it’s a state of mind that can be transformed. In contrast, there’s the concept of aloneness, a state that holds the promise of completeness and contentment. This article explores the distinction between aloneness and loneliness, shedding light on how changing our perspective can lead to a more fulfilling life.
Loneliness: The Mindset of Emptiness
The Human Craving for Companionship
It’s undeniable that humans are inherently social creatures. The desire for companionship, connection, and a sense of belonging is deeply ingrained in our nature. From our evolutionary past as tribal beings, we’ve learned that being part of a group was crucial for survival. In those ancient times, venturing alone into the wilderness often meant facing the perils of wild animals and harsh weather conditions.
Modern Societies and Shifting Realities
Fast forward to today, where the rules of survival have drastically changed. In many modern societies, survival no longer hinges on constant social interaction. This shift has granted us the freedom to lead more independent lives, forging our own paths if we so choose. However, this newfound independence has also given rise to social isolation and the suffering that can accompany it.
Some individuals take social isolation to the extreme, exemplified by the Hikikomori in Japan, who have withdrawn from society almost entirely. While a degree of social interaction is undoubtedly healthy and empowering, the freedom to live independently, without dependence on constant human interaction, is a privilege we shouldn’t overlook.
Zhuangzi’s Perspective: The Advantage of Forgetting Each Other
The Taoist philosopher Zhuangzi once pondered the notion that the ability to forget each other might be better than being perpetually clamped together out of necessity. He metaphorically suggested that when springs dry up, fishes gather on land. Instead of clinging to one another in the dampness of the shore, it might be better for them to forget each other while freely swimming in rivers and lakes.
In this light, we begin to see that the ability to be alone is, in fact, an advantage and a privilege, one that many in the past did not possess. There are still people today who are bound to each other without privacy, unable to enjoy solitude even if they desire it.
Aloneness: The State of Completeness
Osho’s Perspective: Embracing Aloneness
Spiritual teacher Osho offered valuable insights into the distinction between loneliness and aloneness. He contended that aloneness is a state of completeness and self-sufficiency, free from the need for external validation or companionship. Aloneness, in its essence, carries no inherent judgment—it’s neither good nor bad. It merely denotes the circumstance of being alone, a state characterized by neutrality.
Conversely, the term ‘loneliness’ carries a negative undertone. When one feels lonely, there’s a sense of suffering associated with being alone. However, aloneness, being neutral, doesn’t inherently involve suffering. It is, at its core, an opportunity.
Cultivating Contentment Within
Attempting to combat loneliness through relationships is often a temporary solution, as relationships themselves are transient. Deep down, we all recognize the impermanence of these connections, leading to a perpetual fear of losing them. Osho suggests a different approach—to cultivate contentment and completeness within ourselves, independently of external factors.
Embracing aloneness means finding joy and satisfaction in our own company. When we are whole within ourselves, we won’t cling to relationships out of desperation. Toxic friendships, unfulfilling romantic partnerships, and co-dependent dynamics lose their grip on us.
The Paradox of Attraction
Strangely, as we embrace aloneness, we paradoxically become more attractive to others. Our self-contentment and lack of neediness make us magnets for genuine connections. When we’re not searching for completeness outside ourselves, we’re in a better position to share our inherent completeness with others.
Conclusion
In the realm of human experience, aloneness and loneliness represent two sides of the same coin. It’s crucial to recognize that while loneliness can be a painful void, aloneness offers an opportunity for self-discovery, contentment, and personal growth. By shifting our perception of being alone and finding completeness within, we can transform the neutral state of aloneness into a source of genuine joy and serenity. So, the next time you find yourself in solitude, remember that it’s a chance to embrace the neutrality of aloneness and fill it with the richness of your own being.